I was heavily pregnant five years ago. My son had inexplicably turned breech right at the very end of that text-book easy pregnancy. My dream of natural, drug-free vaginal birth was in jeopardy and I was suddenly facing the possibility of a c-section. Sure, plenty of women have had breech vaginal deliveries. . .but that wasn't what ended up happening with my delivery.
I can still remember the day that I was lying on the couch in the living room and my abdomen began to resemble that famously gross scene from the movie Alien. I could not believe the movement that was going on inside my body. It was creepy to watch, somewhat painful to feel, and I ended up feeling beat up on the inside. At my next appointment, my doctor was startled to discover that my baby had found a way to turn breech. His expression was one of pure shock and he spat out, "Is that your baby's head?!" Why, yes, yes it was his head. . .suddenly lodged up near my breastbone.
My doctor attempted to turn the baby in his office. I believe he truly tried to flip that baby and can say that it was very uncomfortable from a physical standpoint. Being so very near the end of pregnancy and so full of baby in my belly. . .ugh, it really kinda sucked and I was so upset that the baby was not turning even with a grown man pushing full force on my abdomen. I'd be 39-weeks on the weekend and he was scheduled at the hospital that Saturday so he told me to come to L & D so he could try to turn baby there. The reasoning was that we could head directly to the OR for a c-section if anything truly distressing happened to the baby while he was attempting to flip the baby.
On this night five years ago, I prayed fervent prayers. I prayed for my baby to turn, for me to avoid a surgery, for all to work out according to my wishes. Well. . .my baby did not turn, I did not avoid a surgery, but it ultimately did work out.
My amniotic fluid was low enough at that point that attempting the version was not on the table. My doctor said that he was there, I was there, I was at term, and the baby was breech. He offered the c-section right then if I wanted it. I burst out that I thought he'd flip my baby back down and I'd have a vaginal birth and that I thought my delivery would be what I wanted. I realize now that he & my husband exchanged a look (confirmed by speaking with my husband) and I think both of them thought I knew I was walking into that hospital for a c-section that day.
I did not know.
I was so thrown for a loop that I actually left my shoes in that L & D room and walked off without ever finding them again. It was many many hours before my surgery was actually performed. Hours that I spent feeling uncomfortably hungry and thirsty. Oh, man, I have NEVER felt so thirsty. Starting the IV helped a little, but my mouth positively ached for liquid refreshment.
I was there for over eight hours. . .waiting for the surgery that I did not want. . .hoping that I could somehow avoid this (in my view) unnecessary surgery. . .praying that I could keep the baby in for one more week so that my mother could be near me.
My in-laws were there nearly the entire time. . .I remember my mother-in-law sitting in that room with me, trying to keep my mind off my anxiety and fears, being a solid rock of support for me. It's a kindness that I can never repay.
At some point I inquired if it wasn't time for my doctor to go home and if that meant I'd get to go on home too. The L & D nurse was a treat, so very well suited to the job, and she let me know that if my doctor said he'd be there for my surgery that he absolutely would not be leaving until I was stable in recovery no matter how many more "emergency" c-sections showed up. I still remember that nurse by name and she is one who I made sure to give a special gift to weeks later when I was up for returning to the hospital with my new babe.
I had never been admitted into a hospital prior to this birth. I'd never had a major surgery. I'd never delivered a baby. To say I was anxious would be an understatement. I was scared to death.
It was a day of firsts. It was a day that I held my heart - outside of my own body. The first time that I was able to hold a child of mine.
The surgery was perfect and looking back it was as good as could be hoped for in a surgical delivery. The recovery sucked and I didn't see my new baby for two hours as I desperately tried to move my legs enough while in recovery to be sent up to my room to be reunited with my baby. There are only three or four post-op photos of me holding my first son while we were in the hospital. One that painfully tugs at my heart is one where I was on the phone with my mother who was 3,000 miles away and I was crying while holding the phone and cradling my new baby for the first time.
So much has changed in these five years and I can say that it has flown by in the blink of an eye. I can't believe that the baby who nuzzled at my awkward breast is now a five-year old who is on the cusp of Kindergarten. I should have cherished those fleeting early baby days. . .those impossibly exhausting early baby days. They will never return that that boy will only continue to grow and mature.
What do I hope for my dear first son? I hope that he keeps his kind and loving heart. He is so sweet and empathetic. I hope that his spirit is free when it can be, but that he learns when it's advisable to reign in his head-strong nature. I hope that he remains a fundamentally good human being. I hope that he finds a special someone who appreciates and admires him for who he is and that his spouse is a generously loving helper who isn't emotionally wounded. I hope for the best for my dear boy. . .he's smart and can be so charming. My darling son. . .I love that boy so much that words fail.
So much has changed in the last five years. I earned a new title: Mother. I know there are times that I miserably fail, but I do aim to bring honor and respect to that title. I became responsible for a human being who needs me to grow and thrive. . .who needs my guidance to learn how to thrive and succeed in society. I really can not believe my son is now five years old. It honestly does feel like it was only yesterday that I first held that beautiful baby with the dimpled chin. Only yesterday that I put my nose in his hair and nearly wept over the joy of his smell. Only yesterday that this newest chapter of my life began. I was living before. . .but I was finally alive.
Showing posts with label childbirth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childbirth. Show all posts
Friday, May 17, 2013
Friday, August 5, 2011
Decisions, Decisions - Childbirth Edition
At my appointment a week ago, my OB asked if I'd given any thought as to how I'd like to birth this baby and the fact is that I'm just not sure at this point in time. Thanks to the way Kaiser staffs OBs in their hospitals, he doesn't have any vested interest in pushing either method of delivery (surgical or vaginal) and I truly get the impression that it doesn't make a difference to him one way or another. The only thing that he had a definite opinion on is that he asked that I decide how I'd like to birth this baby by the 7th month or so and I'm hoping that I'll have an answer by then.
I hate feeling this way, but I fear that my body won't do what it's supposed to do if I choose to have a VBAC. I feel like my body has already failed me in terms of pushing out a fetus so I have zero confidence in my ability to vaginally birth a baby being born at term. I know myself well enough to realize that I will feel like a personal failure if I go for the VBAC and still end up with a c/s and the last thing a hormonal new mother needs to feel like is a failure.
On the other hand, I felt like I was hit by a freaking bus after my c/s. I really don't relish the thought of such a painful recovery while caring for a newborn and my son. I also would like to spend as little time in the hospital as possible and I'm pretty much committing to three-days if I go the c/s route.
Adding another wrinkle to my decision making process is that I'd prefer to have my doctor do the honors if I have to have someone slice open my abdomen. I know it sounds kooky and I'm sure the other OBs on staff are perfectly competent, but I have absolute confidence in my doctor's competence and I don't want some stranger to cut me. Going back to the way Kaiser staffs their OBs at the hospital, the only way I can be sure that my own doctor will be the one rifling around in my insides will be if I schedule the c/s. Well, that and it would be important to know if he'll be scheduled to work in the hospital at some point when I'm at term.
At the moment I'm leaning toward having an elective repeat c-section and it's only the weeks of pain that I know I'll experience if I go that route that is keeping me from outright saying that my baby will be cut from me rather than naturally released. I feel so emotionally scarred from my failed natural miscarriage that I don't think a VBAC is right for me under any circumstances. I can't even visualize a VBAC without thinking about that painfully heartbreaking day and I'd hate to cloud this baby's birth-day with memories of such sadness. Of course, my thoughts may be totally different on another day so my decision is far from being made.
Did you have a c/s and end up having another child afterward? What did you choose? Why? What was your outcome? Thoughts, advice, and opinions are welcome and I only ask that all comments are kind and respectful.
I hate feeling this way, but I fear that my body won't do what it's supposed to do if I choose to have a VBAC. I feel like my body has already failed me in terms of pushing out a fetus so I have zero confidence in my ability to vaginally birth a baby being born at term. I know myself well enough to realize that I will feel like a personal failure if I go for the VBAC and still end up with a c/s and the last thing a hormonal new mother needs to feel like is a failure.
On the other hand, I felt like I was hit by a freaking bus after my c/s. I really don't relish the thought of such a painful recovery while caring for a newborn and my son. I also would like to spend as little time in the hospital as possible and I'm pretty much committing to three-days if I go the c/s route.
Adding another wrinkle to my decision making process is that I'd prefer to have my doctor do the honors if I have to have someone slice open my abdomen. I know it sounds kooky and I'm sure the other OBs on staff are perfectly competent, but I have absolute confidence in my doctor's competence and I don't want some stranger to cut me. Going back to the way Kaiser staffs their OBs at the hospital, the only way I can be sure that my own doctor will be the one rifling around in my insides will be if I schedule the c/s. Well, that and it would be important to know if he'll be scheduled to work in the hospital at some point when I'm at term.
At the moment I'm leaning toward having an elective repeat c-section and it's only the weeks of pain that I know I'll experience if I go that route that is keeping me from outright saying that my baby will be cut from me rather than naturally released. I feel so emotionally scarred from my failed natural miscarriage that I don't think a VBAC is right for me under any circumstances. I can't even visualize a VBAC without thinking about that painfully heartbreaking day and I'd hate to cloud this baby's birth-day with memories of such sadness. Of course, my thoughts may be totally different on another day so my decision is far from being made.
Did you have a c/s and end up having another child afterward? What did you choose? Why? What was your outcome? Thoughts, advice, and opinions are welcome and I only ask that all comments are kind and respectful.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
A Due Date with No Baby
Most readers probably remember that I suffered a miscarriage earlier this year. If they don't, it's probably because they couldn't bear to read the things that I wrote while trying to process my heartbreak at losing a long-desired pregnancy. I can't say that I would blame anyone for skipping those posts. . .I wish I could just erase that part of my life and I certainly wouldn't want a spectator's seat to it. If you missed out and are interested, check out the posts I wrote in January and February to know what I'm writing about.
I realize that most children are not born exactly on their due date, but today was my baby's due date. I would have either had a newborn by now or I would have had one in the next two weeks or so. Of course, that wasn't to be and here I sit, just shy of 18-weeks pregnant with the one who I hope will be the final member of our family.
Losing that pregnancy resulted in a loss of innocence, an awareness that sometimes the most painfully cruel things can happen when least expected. Sometimes you really do get kicked when you're already down. Losing that baby also resulted in fostering a fierce love and gratitude, deeper than I ever knew possible, for my son who was born and for the baby currently living in my womb. I guess it's because I realize that they could have been, and I suppose still could be, taken from me at any moment.
I attempted to achieve pregnancy for so long and I now know that life is never promised, even where life once existed. In that mindset, I've tried so hard to think positive about this pregnancy and avoid complaining about any uncomfortable symptoms because I know that I'm lucky to have them at all. Some may say that I'm reallly not all that successful with either intention, but I really do try.
One day, one day far in the future, I fully expect to be able to finally hold my babies who were never born. And on that day, the holes in my heart will finally be filled.
I realize that most children are not born exactly on their due date, but today was my baby's due date. I would have either had a newborn by now or I would have had one in the next two weeks or so. Of course, that wasn't to be and here I sit, just shy of 18-weeks pregnant with the one who I hope will be the final member of our family.
Losing that pregnancy resulted in a loss of innocence, an awareness that sometimes the most painfully cruel things can happen when least expected. Sometimes you really do get kicked when you're already down. Losing that baby also resulted in fostering a fierce love and gratitude, deeper than I ever knew possible, for my son who was born and for the baby currently living in my womb. I guess it's because I realize that they could have been, and I suppose still could be, taken from me at any moment.
I attempted to achieve pregnancy for so long and I now know that life is never promised, even where life once existed. In that mindset, I've tried so hard to think positive about this pregnancy and avoid complaining about any uncomfortable symptoms because I know that I'm lucky to have them at all. Some may say that I'm reallly not all that successful with either intention, but I really do try.
One day, one day far in the future, I fully expect to be able to finally hold my babies who were never born. And on that day, the holes in my heart will finally be filled.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Are You Gonna Eat That?
I've put this post off for a long time and I finally feel comfortable sharing it because, let's face it, it really isn't all that shocking compared to some topics I've tackled on this blog. My hubs looks positively green whenever I bring it up and he's one of the most strong-stomached people I know so be forewarned that this post might gross you out. I hope there are at least a couple people still reading after that warning! Here goes:
I want to eat my placenta. om, nom, nom
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Get out all the yuks (and yucks) and maybe you'll change your mind about placentophagy (eating placenta) after you finish reading this post. If nothing else, by keeping an open mind and reading on you might learn a few things that you didn't already know.
No, I don't want to eat it right now because that would be just totally crazy. But I do want to eat my placenta after I deliver my baby. Yes, I just said that I want to eat an organ from my own body. No, I don't see anything particularly crazy about the idea. Yes, I'll explain why I want to consume this very special organ.
Does the thought of placentophagy totally creep you out? I can understand that because the notion of noshing on a thick slab of bloody & pulsing placenta is pretty gross to me too. Let me be clear that I don't want to take a big ol' meaty bite on the delivery table/operating table/wherever I happen to be when it exits my body. I also don't want to make placenta lasagna, placenta burgers, or placenta shakes. I'm only a little bit of a hippie and the thought of preparing it to consume in that fashion is a little icky to me too.
I do want to hire someone to steam it, dry it, pulverize it, and encapsulate it for me to take over a period of time in the least-gross way imaginable. The way I see it, almost anything is palatable if it's in a capsule because your senses are disengaged from the material contained within. You won't have to see or feel the bloody mess, you won't have to smell or taste anything that might be kinda off-putting, and you won't have to hear it throbbing. Okay, okay, I'm totally joking about the last one! But I'm absolutely not joking about my intention, which is to ingest my placenta.
Are you thinking that chowing down on placenta is something that some annoying hippies made up in recent years because they delight in grossing out the mainstream public? Do you think there can't possibly be any reason for a woman to ingest her placenta? Do you believe that modern medicine has a better answer than placentophagy?
Placentophagy is practiced by most mammals (some accounts say "all," but I thought I'd use less absolute terms) and many primates. It's been practiced in many human cultures for centuries. Some traditional cultures practice placentophagy to this day and, gasp, even women in industrialized countries are eagerly embracing placentophagy once they learn of the benefits.
I'm interested in eating my placenta because it's high hormone content is thought to help ward off the baby blues and postpartum depression. Thanks to oxytocin levels found in the placenta, it can help stem postpartum hemorrhaging by helping the uterus clear itself out. Additionally, there is some evidence that it helps improve lactation as well.
Sounds like an awesome thing, right? So what's the downside? Uh, dude, you'll have to ingest a placenta to enjoy those incredible benefits.
I can only speak for myself, but I found the postpartum hormone crash to be incredibly hard to handle and I would definitely be interested in gently weaning myself off those massive amounts of pregnancy hormones - even if that means that I'll be ingesting my placenta. Also, I bleed like a mo-fo (over six-weeks straight of HEAVY bleeding after my son's birth) and that benefit appeals to me too - even if that means that I'll be ingesting my placenta. Though I eventually ended up with a great breastfeeding relationship and an enviable milk supply, I struggled with breastfeeding in the early weeks with my son and I'd be interested in avoiding a rough start with this baby - even if that means that I'll be ingesting my placenta.
Look, early motherhood is HARD and I will explore any option that might make life a little easier for me in those earliest days with a a newborn. Your hormones are all out of whack, you have gobs of blood flooding your britches for weeks on end, and you have a brand new little baby to care for and love. I almost feel overwhelmed just reading about it because I know what it was like for me.
I found that caring for my newborn was exhausting because I didn't get more than three hours of sleep at a stretch for around five months. Add that lack of sleep to the hormone crash and the heavy blood flow and it's no wonder that I was exhausted, isolated, and didn't feel like myself for MONTHS after my son was born. Some mothers appear to just handle it and get on with life right away. I was not that kind of mother.
The bottom line is this: If ingesting a little placenta will help avoid all that pain and suffering, I'll go ahead and ingest placenta. Heck, I would take that big ol' meaty bite if that was what was required!
My husband is skeptical that placentophagy is worthwhile. His feelings are that modern science can come up with ways to do all that placentophagy is purported to do for a new mother. I do believe in modern medicine and am not interested in slamming the White Coats, but I can't ignore the fact that modern science has yet to develop a formula that has the same beneficial composition as human breastmilk. So why should I believe that they can come up with a way to give the benefits of placentophagy to a new mother? It's impossible because it's such a highly individualized item.
Get that? They can't make a formula that's identical in composition to breastmilk because breastmilk is not the same for every woman - heck, it's not even the same at the beginning and end of the same nursing session. They can't duplicate the benefits found in consuming the placenta because each placenta is different! My placenta will have a different mix of hormones than yours and, just like breastmilk, mine is tailored just for me (and my baby).
Have you ever ingested placenta? How did you prepare it for consumption? Did you notice any difference before and after ingestion? Would you recommend it to other mothers? Also, if you can, please share the experiences of other mothers you know who have practiced placentophagy.
I'm going to end with a dorky little joke that I thought of while writing this post.
Q: What did the placenta say to the new mother?
A: Eat me!
No worries, I won't be quitting my day job to embark on a not-very-lucrative comedy career.
I want to eat my placenta. om, nom, nom
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Get out all the yuks (and yucks) and maybe you'll change your mind about placentophagy (eating placenta) after you finish reading this post. If nothing else, by keeping an open mind and reading on you might learn a few things that you didn't already know.
No, I don't want to eat it right now because that would be just totally crazy. But I do want to eat my placenta after I deliver my baby. Yes, I just said that I want to eat an organ from my own body. No, I don't see anything particularly crazy about the idea. Yes, I'll explain why I want to consume this very special organ.
Does the thought of placentophagy totally creep you out? I can understand that because the notion of noshing on a thick slab of bloody & pulsing placenta is pretty gross to me too. Let me be clear that I don't want to take a big ol' meaty bite on the delivery table/operating table/wherever I happen to be when it exits my body. I also don't want to make placenta lasagna, placenta burgers, or placenta shakes. I'm only a little bit of a hippie and the thought of preparing it to consume in that fashion is a little icky to me too.
I do want to hire someone to steam it, dry it, pulverize it, and encapsulate it for me to take over a period of time in the least-gross way imaginable. The way I see it, almost anything is palatable if it's in a capsule because your senses are disengaged from the material contained within. You won't have to see or feel the bloody mess, you won't have to smell or taste anything that might be kinda off-putting, and you won't have to hear it throbbing. Okay, okay, I'm totally joking about the last one! But I'm absolutely not joking about my intention, which is to ingest my placenta.
Are you thinking that chowing down on placenta is something that some annoying hippies made up in recent years because they delight in grossing out the mainstream public? Do you think there can't possibly be any reason for a woman to ingest her placenta? Do you believe that modern medicine has a better answer than placentophagy?
Placentophagy is practiced by most mammals (some accounts say "all," but I thought I'd use less absolute terms) and many primates. It's been practiced in many human cultures for centuries. Some traditional cultures practice placentophagy to this day and, gasp, even women in industrialized countries are eagerly embracing placentophagy once they learn of the benefits.
I'm interested in eating my placenta because it's high hormone content is thought to help ward off the baby blues and postpartum depression. Thanks to oxytocin levels found in the placenta, it can help stem postpartum hemorrhaging by helping the uterus clear itself out. Additionally, there is some evidence that it helps improve lactation as well.
Sounds like an awesome thing, right? So what's the downside? Uh, dude, you'll have to ingest a placenta to enjoy those incredible benefits.
I can only speak for myself, but I found the postpartum hormone crash to be incredibly hard to handle and I would definitely be interested in gently weaning myself off those massive amounts of pregnancy hormones - even if that means that I'll be ingesting my placenta. Also, I bleed like a mo-fo (over six-weeks straight of HEAVY bleeding after my son's birth) and that benefit appeals to me too - even if that means that I'll be ingesting my placenta. Though I eventually ended up with a great breastfeeding relationship and an enviable milk supply, I struggled with breastfeeding in the early weeks with my son and I'd be interested in avoiding a rough start with this baby - even if that means that I'll be ingesting my placenta.
Look, early motherhood is HARD and I will explore any option that might make life a little easier for me in those earliest days with a a newborn. Your hormones are all out of whack, you have gobs of blood flooding your britches for weeks on end, and you have a brand new little baby to care for and love. I almost feel overwhelmed just reading about it because I know what it was like for me.
I found that caring for my newborn was exhausting because I didn't get more than three hours of sleep at a stretch for around five months. Add that lack of sleep to the hormone crash and the heavy blood flow and it's no wonder that I was exhausted, isolated, and didn't feel like myself for MONTHS after my son was born. Some mothers appear to just handle it and get on with life right away. I was not that kind of mother.
The bottom line is this: If ingesting a little placenta will help avoid all that pain and suffering, I'll go ahead and ingest placenta. Heck, I would take that big ol' meaty bite if that was what was required!
My husband is skeptical that placentophagy is worthwhile. His feelings are that modern science can come up with ways to do all that placentophagy is purported to do for a new mother. I do believe in modern medicine and am not interested in slamming the White Coats, but I can't ignore the fact that modern science has yet to develop a formula that has the same beneficial composition as human breastmilk. So why should I believe that they can come up with a way to give the benefits of placentophagy to a new mother? It's impossible because it's such a highly individualized item.
Get that? They can't make a formula that's identical in composition to breastmilk because breastmilk is not the same for every woman - heck, it's not even the same at the beginning and end of the same nursing session. They can't duplicate the benefits found in consuming the placenta because each placenta is different! My placenta will have a different mix of hormones than yours and, just like breastmilk, mine is tailored just for me (and my baby).
Have you ever ingested placenta? How did you prepare it for consumption? Did you notice any difference before and after ingestion? Would you recommend it to other mothers? Also, if you can, please share the experiences of other mothers you know who have practiced placentophagy.
* * *
I'm going to end with a dorky little joke that I thought of while writing this post.
Q: What did the placenta say to the new mother?
A: Eat me!
No worries, I won't be quitting my day job to embark on a not-very-lucrative comedy career.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Defending Birth Decisions
The sisterhood of women can really be full of snarky b*tches sometimes, huh? Yes, I say that knowing fully well that some of you are saying, "Try looking in the mirror, Sweetcheeks." I may be a snarky b*tch from time to time (okay, most of the time), but I always favor allowing for freedom of choice in darn near all areas of life.
Did you hear a loud KA-BOOM around 1:15 PST? It's my head exploding over women who clearly don't believe that other women can make decisions for themselves. What has me particularly pissed at the moment? Women who attack other women due to their childbirth choices. I wish I was making this up, but it's something I've witnessed in various forums and I think it completely and totally sucks that anyone would try to make a mother feel bad or inferior based upon her childbirth experience.
Who specifically is acting so douchey? It pains me to say it because I identify with them in so many ways, but it is most often the more crunchy types of mothers who go batsh*t crazy when a woman decides to have an elective Cesarean or an elective repeat c/s. In my naivete, I didn't expect a group of "peaceful" parents to be so hateful and attack others just because they have a difference of opinion. I guess that when people say they believe in freedom of opinion, they really mean you are free to believe in their own opinions rather than your own.
As someone who struggled to find peace with my son's c/s, I feel for any mother who feels uncomfortable about her childbirthing experience and I know how emotionally wounded childbirth can leave the mother. My feelings of dissatisfaction toward my son's birth persisted until well beyond his second birthday. To say that I felt cheated is an understatement. It's more that I felt like less of a mother because I didn't get the full experience of pushing a baby out of my vagina. I felt like I wasn't as good as other mothers I knew. . .the ones who had the dubious joy of vaginal birth.
Looking back now, my feelings seem silly to me. Seriously, why would I think that having a baby's head pushed out a vadge would make anyone a better mother? I don't know. . .it's not like vaginal birth confers some special power or wisdom to a new mother. Regardless, I was tormented by my feelings and they were very real and very painful for a long time.
Over time, I stopped feeling as bad when I thought about his birth. However, I still felt that I missed out on something special because I missed out on something that was important to me. Those feelings completely evaporated in the aftermath of my failed natural miscarriage and I decided outright that I will never, ever have an experience like that again.
Judge me if you must, but I absolutely will not even consider trial of labor, let alone attempt a VBAC. I've tried to visualize a nice & normal, drug-free vaginal birth and I can't do it. Even thinking about what labor may be like leaves me shaking, thinking of that ill-fated day where I was in so much pain that I was certain something was so wrong that I was not going to live through the night. It was so horrific that I truly wish that I had elected to have the D & C from the get-go. I may have been wounded from my c/s, but I have been scarred and left feeling broken from my miscarriage experience.
Perhaps my own experience is why I find it so disheartening when I read snide comments directed toward women based upon their birth decisions. As a side note, it's hypocritically fascinating when staunchly pro-choice people get up in arms at the notion of a woman choosing to have an elective cesarean. I guess "her body, her choice" only applies when it's convenient and in agreement with their personal agenda.
I think sometimes that we forget that to be respectful of someone's choices doesn't necessarily mean that we are agreeing with them. I have been against the notion of abortion for roughly ten years because I learned that it ends life, stops a beating heart. But I'm not going to get up in a woman's business if she chooses to have one because it's not my decision to make and I have no right to try to impose my will on her. If she can live with her choice, let her and STFU about it. Understand that I am painfully aware that most women don't choose abortion as easily as they choose their breakfast. . .it's more like an animal gnawing off their own leg to escape a terrifying situation.
I call BS on anyone giving any mother any bit of grief about her childbirth choices and, while I have and had very definite ideas about what I want/wanted personally for myself, I would never try to make a mother feel bad about her choices. Why? Because it's not my vagina, my abdomen, my uterus, or my freaking choice! It is not my right to try to exert my will over any other woman as it relates to childbirth or anything else. Don't like someone's birth decisions? You don't have to and it's no one else's problem but your own if you don't like someone else's choices.
At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter how your child arrived in the world (or if you were the one who delivered your child at all) because we're all mothers and we all can use a lot more support and a lot less judgement.
Did you hear a loud KA-BOOM around 1:15 PST? It's my head exploding over women who clearly don't believe that other women can make decisions for themselves. What has me particularly pissed at the moment? Women who attack other women due to their childbirth choices. I wish I was making this up, but it's something I've witnessed in various forums and I think it completely and totally sucks that anyone would try to make a mother feel bad or inferior based upon her childbirth experience.
Who specifically is acting so douchey? It pains me to say it because I identify with them in so many ways, but it is most often the more crunchy types of mothers who go batsh*t crazy when a woman decides to have an elective Cesarean or an elective repeat c/s. In my naivete, I didn't expect a group of "peaceful" parents to be so hateful and attack others just because they have a difference of opinion. I guess that when people say they believe in freedom of opinion, they really mean you are free to believe in their own opinions rather than your own.
As someone who struggled to find peace with my son's c/s, I feel for any mother who feels uncomfortable about her childbirthing experience and I know how emotionally wounded childbirth can leave the mother. My feelings of dissatisfaction toward my son's birth persisted until well beyond his second birthday. To say that I felt cheated is an understatement. It's more that I felt like less of a mother because I didn't get the full experience of pushing a baby out of my vagina. I felt like I wasn't as good as other mothers I knew. . .the ones who had the dubious joy of vaginal birth.
Looking back now, my feelings seem silly to me. Seriously, why would I think that having a baby's head pushed out a vadge would make anyone a better mother? I don't know. . .it's not like vaginal birth confers some special power or wisdom to a new mother. Regardless, I was tormented by my feelings and they were very real and very painful for a long time.
Over time, I stopped feeling as bad when I thought about his birth. However, I still felt that I missed out on something special because I missed out on something that was important to me. Those feelings completely evaporated in the aftermath of my failed natural miscarriage and I decided outright that I will never, ever have an experience like that again.
Judge me if you must, but I absolutely will not even consider trial of labor, let alone attempt a VBAC. I've tried to visualize a nice & normal, drug-free vaginal birth and I can't do it. Even thinking about what labor may be like leaves me shaking, thinking of that ill-fated day where I was in so much pain that I was certain something was so wrong that I was not going to live through the night. It was so horrific that I truly wish that I had elected to have the D & C from the get-go. I may have been wounded from my c/s, but I have been scarred and left feeling broken from my miscarriage experience.
Perhaps my own experience is why I find it so disheartening when I read snide comments directed toward women based upon their birth decisions. As a side note, it's hypocritically fascinating when staunchly pro-choice people get up in arms at the notion of a woman choosing to have an elective cesarean. I guess "her body, her choice" only applies when it's convenient and in agreement with their personal agenda.
I think sometimes that we forget that to be respectful of someone's choices doesn't necessarily mean that we are agreeing with them. I have been against the notion of abortion for roughly ten years because I learned that it ends life, stops a beating heart. But I'm not going to get up in a woman's business if she chooses to have one because it's not my decision to make and I have no right to try to impose my will on her. If she can live with her choice, let her and STFU about it. Understand that I am painfully aware that most women don't choose abortion as easily as they choose their breakfast. . .it's more like an animal gnawing off their own leg to escape a terrifying situation.
I call BS on anyone giving any mother any bit of grief about her childbirth choices and, while I have and had very definite ideas about what I want/wanted personally for myself, I would never try to make a mother feel bad about her choices. Why? Because it's not my vagina, my abdomen, my uterus, or my freaking choice! It is not my right to try to exert my will over any other woman as it relates to childbirth or anything else. Don't like someone's birth decisions? You don't have to and it's no one else's problem but your own if you don't like someone else's choices.
At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter how your child arrived in the world (or if you were the one who delivered your child at all) because we're all mothers and we all can use a lot more support and a lot less judgement.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Opinions Are Subject to Change
I have very definite opinions about many topics, but I think you'll agree that very few things make me spout my viewpoint as readily as parenthood. You all know that I'm a little bit of a hippy as it relates to pregnancy, childbirth, and child raising. I think it's important to remain solid in your position, but I believe it's smart to change opinions as new information emerges. Personal experiences and anecdotes also tend to help sway opinions. After my recent miscarriage experience and the resulting hospital visit, I've had a 180 degree change of heart on two things:
1. I will never, never, never take the "wait & see" approach should I experience another miscarriage.
2. Screw VBAC, I most definitely want a CBAC should I experience another full-term pregnancy.
What was so bad about taking the wait & see approach to this miscarriage? I have found that the emotional cost was too high to ever choose expectant management (the technical term for wait & see) again. Based on the physical experience itself, I'm not sure that it was possible for me to go the all-natural route. It certainly was not happening this time around and I have been scared away from ever considering it again. Yes, the D&C sucks, but I think it was lame to go through all the suffering beforehand only to have to have a D&C anyway. I'm fairly certain that is why I've found this recovery to be a little more difficult than I expected.
I do, however, feel that expectant management would have been perfectly fine had I not been as far along as I was because very early (like way the heck early) miscarriage is a lot like a heavy period. A somewhat chunky and heavy period. So it's both gross and sad.
I have written several blog posts on why a drug-free vaginal birth is my personal holy grail of childbirth so I'm sure it's surprising that I'm more than willing to voluntarily ask for a c-section if I ever give birth again. Not just more than willing, I mean I will outright say that I will absolutely get sectioned and I'm not willing to have a trial of labor. I just will not do it.
Why did this event cause me to change my mind about my next childbirth experience? Because my cervix WOULD NOT DILATE even though I HAD TO PUSH. This has me totally mystified. I feel like my body somehow betrayed me because the urge to push was undeniable and totally unstoppable and the pushing was really for no purpose because my cervix wasn't anywhere near to being ready.
I didn't just want to push, it seriously was all that I could do at a certain point during this ordeal. Pain and pushing, pushing and pain; that's what stands out in my head about last Wednesday. I tried a few positions to get things moving on out and had no luck; I straddled the toilet, I did an odd kneel/squat beside the toilet (when I was still vomiting), I sat on the toilet with my feet on a step stool and my knees drawn up & spread wide. I pushed and pushed and pushed. Nothing happened!
I was PUSHING with everything I had, but nothing happened because my cervix was still pointing in the wrong direction and still would not dilate! I could have pushed for hours longer and would have most likely had absolutely zero progress to show for the agony. I had thought for sure that the miscarriage must have been nearly over and found that it was not even close to completion. I was crestfallen when the gynecologist gave me the information that I wasn't dilating.
This experience has filled me with concern for my next childbirth experience because I worry about the same damn thing happening. Trying to push out a 10-week fetus without appropriate dilation isn't likely to injure a cervix, but trying the same thing with an 8-pound full-term baby could really cause serious problems. Sure, screwing up your cervix when you're delivering your last child isn't all that big a deal (except that it is), but I still kinda hope that we might end up with a third child. I know, I must be friggin' high, but there you go. I'm not willing to try vaginal birth and I'm totally okay with an OB getting wrist-deep in my insides. Actually, for the first time in over 2 1/2-years, I'm totally okay with my son's Cesarean birth too.
I find it odd how quickly and completely I have changed my mind on these topics. I guess the event was just that horrible. . .I don't know if I'll revert to my original opinions, but I just don't see it happening at this point.
1. I will never, never, never take the "wait & see" approach should I experience another miscarriage.
2. Screw VBAC, I most definitely want a CBAC should I experience another full-term pregnancy.
What was so bad about taking the wait & see approach to this miscarriage? I have found that the emotional cost was too high to ever choose expectant management (the technical term for wait & see) again. Based on the physical experience itself, I'm not sure that it was possible for me to go the all-natural route. It certainly was not happening this time around and I have been scared away from ever considering it again. Yes, the D&C sucks, but I think it was lame to go through all the suffering beforehand only to have to have a D&C anyway. I'm fairly certain that is why I've found this recovery to be a little more difficult than I expected.
I do, however, feel that expectant management would have been perfectly fine had I not been as far along as I was because very early (like way the heck early) miscarriage is a lot like a heavy period. A somewhat chunky and heavy period. So it's both gross and sad.
I have written several blog posts on why a drug-free vaginal birth is my personal holy grail of childbirth so I'm sure it's surprising that I'm more than willing to voluntarily ask for a c-section if I ever give birth again. Not just more than willing, I mean I will outright say that I will absolutely get sectioned and I'm not willing to have a trial of labor. I just will not do it.
Why did this event cause me to change my mind about my next childbirth experience? Because my cervix WOULD NOT DILATE even though I HAD TO PUSH. This has me totally mystified. I feel like my body somehow betrayed me because the urge to push was undeniable and totally unstoppable and the pushing was really for no purpose because my cervix wasn't anywhere near to being ready.
I didn't just want to push, it seriously was all that I could do at a certain point during this ordeal. Pain and pushing, pushing and pain; that's what stands out in my head about last Wednesday. I tried a few positions to get things moving on out and had no luck; I straddled the toilet, I did an odd kneel/squat beside the toilet (when I was still vomiting), I sat on the toilet with my feet on a step stool and my knees drawn up & spread wide. I pushed and pushed and pushed. Nothing happened!
I was PUSHING with everything I had, but nothing happened because my cervix was still pointing in the wrong direction and still would not dilate! I could have pushed for hours longer and would have most likely had absolutely zero progress to show for the agony. I had thought for sure that the miscarriage must have been nearly over and found that it was not even close to completion. I was crestfallen when the gynecologist gave me the information that I wasn't dilating.
This experience has filled me with concern for my next childbirth experience because I worry about the same damn thing happening. Trying to push out a 10-week fetus without appropriate dilation isn't likely to injure a cervix, but trying the same thing with an 8-pound full-term baby could really cause serious problems. Sure, screwing up your cervix when you're delivering your last child isn't all that big a deal (except that it is), but I still kinda hope that we might end up with a third child. I know, I must be friggin' high, but there you go. I'm not willing to try vaginal birth and I'm totally okay with an OB getting wrist-deep in my insides. Actually, for the first time in over 2 1/2-years, I'm totally okay with my son's Cesarean birth too.
I find it odd how quickly and completely I have changed my mind on these topics. I guess the event was just that horrible. . .I don't know if I'll revert to my original opinions, but I just don't see it happening at this point.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Strategically Planning My VBAC
Fail to plan, plan to fail.
Let's say I made a resolution to lose weight (obviously not gonna happen since I'm PG), but I don't give any thought to making that goal a reality. At the end of the year, do you think I'd be successful in my weight loss endeavours? Probably not. Why would I fail? Because a goal without clearly defined action steps to make it happen is just a dream. And dreams don't often become reality.
Though I had a cesarean with my son, I want a vaginal birth if at all possible this time around. I realize that I can just tell my OB that I want another C-section, but I don't want to be put in the position to care for my busy toddler and a newborn while recovering from major abdominal surgery. Yeah, I know that some might think I'm crazy to voluntarily decide to "suffer" for no reason or whatever excuse one might use to opt for an elective c-section, but I've already explained in a previous post why a vaginal birth is better than a surgical birth (except for true emergency situations - not 33% of births).
Here's my VBAC plan so far:
- My health insurance company, Kaiser Permanente, encourages VBAC. This is very important because the policies of some insurance companies stick with the line of thought that says, "once a cesarean, always a cesarean." Of course, these archaic policies (which make no sense as they are not supported by the latest research or studies) thwart VBAC plans.
- I have already informed my OB that I do not want another cesarean and I have him on-board with my VBAC plan. He looked surprised that I had already been thinking about this birth, but he's about as supportive as it gets and seemed happy with my decision. He did inform me that I have an increased risk of experiencing uterine rupture, which (if not caught) can be fatal. But my OB is honest and he let me know that it only happens around 1% of the time. Since cesarean deliveries come with all the risks of any major surgery, I'm comfortable with the odds that I will not suffer uterine rupture.
- I looked up the VBAC rate at the hospital and my hospital has the highest VBAC rate (an impressive 22% of births!) in the entire county. Again, this is important because hospital policies absolutely interfere with childbirth plans. My hospital's personnel staffing also seems like it would encourage VBAC because the OB's are staffed with a shift schedule. That is, the doctor is there and getting paid the same whether you deliver or not and they leave at the end of their shift, not when you finally deliver. So I won't likely have to hear the biggest nonsense excuse for c-section: "failure to progress."
- I'm educating myself on the childbirth process. I've been mining the internet for information whenever I have a chance and I will be picking up some particular books to get as much knowledge of the labor and birth process as I can possibly get. I took Lamaze classes during my first pregnancy and I plan to take Bradley classes this time around. The Bradley Method is taught in a 12-week class and an overwhelming amount of Bradley students have the impressive birth outcomes that I also want - non-medicated vaginal birth.
- I'm already incorporating Bradley exercises and dietary guidelines whenever possible. I've had a few weeks of absolutely terrible morning, noon, and/or night morning sickness so I haven't done much yet, but I'm aware of what I need to do (thanks to that research I mentioned above!) and I'll be on it once I'm back up to speed.
- I'm educating myself about VBAC and it's risks. As far as I can tell at this point, I'm a good candidate for VBAC. I intend to refuse any "routine" interventions (unless they truly are medically necessary - no, the hospital staff's schedule is not a medical necessity) so I should be able to side-step the snowball effect that often results in cesarean. I also am prepared to refuse labor induction since it frequently ends up in a C-section and, of course, a failed VBAC. By being healthy and active throughout this pregnancy, I expect that I will remain a good candidate for VBAC. Of course, I'm assuming I won't end up with another baby who flips into breech position at the very end of my pregnancy.
I'm not leaving this birth up to my hopes or chance, but is there anything else you can think of that I should be doing to help see my VBAC dreams become a reality?
Let's say I made a resolution to lose weight (obviously not gonna happen since I'm PG), but I don't give any thought to making that goal a reality. At the end of the year, do you think I'd be successful in my weight loss endeavours? Probably not. Why would I fail? Because a goal without clearly defined action steps to make it happen is just a dream. And dreams don't often become reality.
Though I had a cesarean with my son, I want a vaginal birth if at all possible this time around. I realize that I can just tell my OB that I want another C-section, but I don't want to be put in the position to care for my busy toddler and a newborn while recovering from major abdominal surgery. Yeah, I know that some might think I'm crazy to voluntarily decide to "suffer" for no reason or whatever excuse one might use to opt for an elective c-section, but I've already explained in a previous post why a vaginal birth is better than a surgical birth (except for true emergency situations - not 33% of births).
Here's my VBAC plan so far:
- My health insurance company, Kaiser Permanente, encourages VBAC. This is very important because the policies of some insurance companies stick with the line of thought that says, "once a cesarean, always a cesarean." Of course, these archaic policies (which make no sense as they are not supported by the latest research or studies) thwart VBAC plans.
- I have already informed my OB that I do not want another cesarean and I have him on-board with my VBAC plan. He looked surprised that I had already been thinking about this birth, but he's about as supportive as it gets and seemed happy with my decision. He did inform me that I have an increased risk of experiencing uterine rupture, which (if not caught) can be fatal. But my OB is honest and he let me know that it only happens around 1% of the time. Since cesarean deliveries come with all the risks of any major surgery, I'm comfortable with the odds that I will not suffer uterine rupture.
- I looked up the VBAC rate at the hospital and my hospital has the highest VBAC rate (an impressive 22% of births!) in the entire county. Again, this is important because hospital policies absolutely interfere with childbirth plans. My hospital's personnel staffing also seems like it would encourage VBAC because the OB's are staffed with a shift schedule. That is, the doctor is there and getting paid the same whether you deliver or not and they leave at the end of their shift, not when you finally deliver. So I won't likely have to hear the biggest nonsense excuse for c-section: "failure to progress."
- I'm educating myself on the childbirth process. I've been mining the internet for information whenever I have a chance and I will be picking up some particular books to get as much knowledge of the labor and birth process as I can possibly get. I took Lamaze classes during my first pregnancy and I plan to take Bradley classes this time around. The Bradley Method is taught in a 12-week class and an overwhelming amount of Bradley students have the impressive birth outcomes that I also want - non-medicated vaginal birth.
- I'm already incorporating Bradley exercises and dietary guidelines whenever possible. I've had a few weeks of absolutely terrible morning, noon, and/or night morning sickness so I haven't done much yet, but I'm aware of what I need to do (thanks to that research I mentioned above!) and I'll be on it once I'm back up to speed.
- I'm educating myself about VBAC and it's risks. As far as I can tell at this point, I'm a good candidate for VBAC. I intend to refuse any "routine" interventions (unless they truly are medically necessary - no, the hospital staff's schedule is not a medical necessity) so I should be able to side-step the snowball effect that often results in cesarean. I also am prepared to refuse labor induction since it frequently ends up in a C-section and, of course, a failed VBAC. By being healthy and active throughout this pregnancy, I expect that I will remain a good candidate for VBAC. Of course, I'm assuming I won't end up with another baby who flips into breech position at the very end of my pregnancy.
I'm not leaving this birth up to my hopes or chance, but is there anything else you can think of that I should be doing to help see my VBAC dreams become a reality?
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sex, Childbirth, and Tight Vaginas
It's been raining for days on end here and, as a result, I've spent a fair amount of time goofing around on the internet while my son totally destroys my living room. I came across a thread on a website I frequently check and it left me more than a little disgusted. The article was about the alarming rise of unnecessary C-sections, unnecesareans if you will, that are being foisted upon American women. The comments on the article were mainly about whether a woman should always opt for a Cesarean so she can keep a "perfect" and tight vagina.
Nearly 33% of babies are now born via C-section and that percentage has risen for the last 13-years. If that doesn't alarm you, then you just don't understand why a Cesarean should only be used in a legitimate emergency situation and you don't realize that 32.9% of births are most certainly not emergency situations. I wonder why no one brings up the incredibly high C-section rate in this country when discussing maternal mortality because it most certainly has an impact on that number.
I understand why Obstetricians may push for a C-section. They do have prohibitively expensive malpractice insurance costs because parents want blood, or money, if their child is born with anything that can remotely be considered a "defect." Doing something, even if it's a major abdominal surgery, is viewed as better than nothing; that is, letting a baby be born the way nature intended - through the vagina.
A certain John Edwards, yes that John Edwards, and his lawsuits concerning cerebral palsy (basically he blamed vaginal birth and, though there is no real evidence to prove that, juries bought his argument) can certainly be thanked for a sharp rise in C-sections. Practicing defensive Obstetrics and adopting the line of, "when in doubt, cut it out," absolutely has to do with bloodsucker attorneys. It is interesting to note that the cerebral palsy rate is roughly the same though Cesareans have increased dramatically in the last several years. But this really isn't about a womanizing failed political candidate who fathered a child while his wife was dying of cancer. This is about how the medical & legal system, and society in general, is failing women and failing newborns.
A Cesarean isn't something to be chosen lightly. It is a major abdominal surgery. Major! Understand that a mother who has experienced (in my opinion, suffered is the better word) a C-section will have to recover from a major abdominal surgery while caring for a newborn and any other children at home. She is more likely to struggle while establishing a breastfeeding relationship because she probably didn't get to nurse her child for an hour or more after delivery and a six-inch scar across her lower abdomen doesn't particularly make it comfortable to have an 8-pound bundle of joy resting on the incision to nurse. She is more likely to have complications while recovering from childbirth because, in addition to delivering a baby, she experienced a major abdominal surgery. She is also more likely to die from childbirth (during and after) than a mother who delivers vaginally. And that's just negative impact on the mom!
The baby is more likely to have breathing difficulties because they didn't get the benefit of having their chest squeezed through the birth canal, thus helping to clear their lungs. The baby doesn't get the benefit of the exposure to bacteria present in normal vaginal flora, which is thought to help reduce asthma, allergies, and various infections. The benefits of breastfeeding for infants is well-documented and babies born via C-section are less likely than their vaginally delivered counterparts to enjoy these benefits for any length of time. The baby, a newborn, is exposed to the analgesics and anesthesia required to perform a major abdominal surgery. This one really gripes me because I lived a very clean life when I was pregnant and I believed that a spinal would not reach my son. . .guess what? Regional anaesthesia does reach the baby.
Before I get a bunch of breastfeeding Cesarean survivors all up in my grill, let me be clear that I'm living proof that it's possible to establish a good nursing relationship - even if you had what is called an "elective" c-section, but it will be a more difficult endeavour than if you'd had a vaginal birth or at least experienced some labor.
It's hard to argue with what I've written thus far because I haven't just been spouting my opinions today. Note though that my position about Cesareans, vaginal births, and vaginal birth after Cesarean (VBAC) have only been strengthened by the facts that I've learned about childbirth in America while I researched this post. Needless to say, I will absolutely prepare myself as much as possible to have a VBAC when it's time for this baby to be born and I'm thankful that our HMO does encourage women to have a VBAC if possible and if the woman so desires.
I've written how the medical and legal system fail women and now I want to focus on how society fails women on this issue. The myth of the "perfect" vagina is just that - a myth. The "perfect" vagina does not exist. Unfortunately, a lot of women do strive to achieve vaginal perfection and they are disappointed when they realize that it is not realistic.
Outside of mainstream porn with their proliferation of vaginas that have clearly had vaginoplasty and labiaplasty, most vaginas are pretty damn weird looking. It's a dark and mysterious place that looks funny inside and out. But guess what? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm willing to bet that the individual you have sex with thinks your vagina is freaking spectacular and they probably would love to get in it every single day.
Does vaginal birth "wreck" or "blow out" your vagina? I don't know because I've never experienced a vaginal birth, but I'm inclined to say that it does not get ruined by childbirth. If it did, no one would have more than one child. Seriously, think about it. If vaginas are left permanently floppy and sloppy after childbirth, why would it get penised enough to get the woman pregnant again? The man would have a really difficult time ejaculating if his penis didn't get any friction from the vaginal walls and no ejaculation equals very slim chance of pregnancy.
I'd imagine that the first few times having sex after a vaginal birth aren't really all that great. Perhaps it might still feel a little slack weeks later or maybe stitches (if she was cut or tore) are still irritating. Well, women who have vaginal births aren't the lone rangers when it comes to awkward post-childbirth sex. In my typical way of sharing way too much information, sex after a Cesarean isn't exactly awesome and it very nearly brought me to tears (and they weren't tears of joy) because my incision site was so damned painful more than six-weeks later. And that's not even the entire story. I know it makes no sense, but things somehow felt different on the inside to me too and not in a good way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I figure that post-childbirth sex isn't going to be the most mind-blowing sex ever experienced so get back in the habit and eventually it will be great again.
Have you (or your partner) experienced vaginal birth? Were Kegels practiced prior to birth and afterward? Long clenches, short & rapid clenches, or a mix of both? What was the end result of the vagina? Did it feel any different? Was sex better, worse or about the same? Am I crazy for throwing caution to the wind and risking the size of my tiny vaginey by deciding to have a VBAC?
I know that I've touched on some fairly controversial issues in this post today. I hope that any comments can be respectful and that we can express ourselves without belittling or attacking each other. Remember to fight the position, not the person.
* * *
Nearly 33% of babies are now born via C-section and that percentage has risen for the last 13-years. If that doesn't alarm you, then you just don't understand why a Cesarean should only be used in a legitimate emergency situation and you don't realize that 32.9% of births are most certainly not emergency situations. I wonder why no one brings up the incredibly high C-section rate in this country when discussing maternal mortality because it most certainly has an impact on that number.
I understand why Obstetricians may push for a C-section. They do have prohibitively expensive malpractice insurance costs because parents want blood, or money, if their child is born with anything that can remotely be considered a "defect." Doing something, even if it's a major abdominal surgery, is viewed as better than nothing; that is, letting a baby be born the way nature intended - through the vagina.
A certain John Edwards, yes that John Edwards, and his lawsuits concerning cerebral palsy (basically he blamed vaginal birth and, though there is no real evidence to prove that, juries bought his argument) can certainly be thanked for a sharp rise in C-sections. Practicing defensive Obstetrics and adopting the line of, "when in doubt, cut it out," absolutely has to do with bloodsucker attorneys. It is interesting to note that the cerebral palsy rate is roughly the same though Cesareans have increased dramatically in the last several years. But this really isn't about a womanizing failed political candidate who fathered a child while his wife was dying of cancer. This is about how the medical & legal system, and society in general, is failing women and failing newborns.
* * *
A Cesarean isn't something to be chosen lightly. It is a major abdominal surgery. Major! Understand that a mother who has experienced (in my opinion, suffered is the better word) a C-section will have to recover from a major abdominal surgery while caring for a newborn and any other children at home. She is more likely to struggle while establishing a breastfeeding relationship because she probably didn't get to nurse her child for an hour or more after delivery and a six-inch scar across her lower abdomen doesn't particularly make it comfortable to have an 8-pound bundle of joy resting on the incision to nurse. She is more likely to have complications while recovering from childbirth because, in addition to delivering a baby, she experienced a major abdominal surgery. She is also more likely to die from childbirth (during and after) than a mother who delivers vaginally. And that's just negative impact on the mom!
The baby is more likely to have breathing difficulties because they didn't get the benefit of having their chest squeezed through the birth canal, thus helping to clear their lungs. The baby doesn't get the benefit of the exposure to bacteria present in normal vaginal flora, which is thought to help reduce asthma, allergies, and various infections. The benefits of breastfeeding for infants is well-documented and babies born via C-section are less likely than their vaginally delivered counterparts to enjoy these benefits for any length of time. The baby, a newborn, is exposed to the analgesics and anesthesia required to perform a major abdominal surgery. This one really gripes me because I lived a very clean life when I was pregnant and I believed that a spinal would not reach my son. . .guess what? Regional anaesthesia does reach the baby.
Before I get a bunch of breastfeeding Cesarean survivors all up in my grill, let me be clear that I'm living proof that it's possible to establish a good nursing relationship - even if you had what is called an "elective" c-section, but it will be a more difficult endeavour than if you'd had a vaginal birth or at least experienced some labor.
I'm not against necessary Cesareans; they do absolutely have their place in Obstetrics. They absolutely can save the lives of mothers and children. But they are performed far too frequently in America and hopefully everyone understands why a vaginal birth is preferable to a Cesarean (in the absence of a true emergency) in terms of maternal and infant health. Even the word "emergency" might be confusing because many women have been lied to about what is a true emergency. For the record, "failure to progress" does not usually signify an emergency; it signifies that the OB wants to go home for the day.
I might add that the true disservice being done to the unnecesarean victim isn't even apparent until the woman wants another child. In some areas and with some doctors, a woman who had one C-section will deliver all future children in the same fashion. Kinda makes you question the motivation behind the actions of some "cutters, " doesn't it? After all, Cesarean deliveries are billable for far larger amounts than a routine vaginal birth.
* * *
It's hard to argue with what I've written thus far because I haven't just been spouting my opinions today. Note though that my position about Cesareans, vaginal births, and vaginal birth after Cesarean (VBAC) have only been strengthened by the facts that I've learned about childbirth in America while I researched this post. Needless to say, I will absolutely prepare myself as much as possible to have a VBAC when it's time for this baby to be born and I'm thankful that our HMO does encourage women to have a VBAC if possible and if the woman so desires.
I've written how the medical and legal system fail women and now I want to focus on how society fails women on this issue. The myth of the "perfect" vagina is just that - a myth. The "perfect" vagina does not exist. Unfortunately, a lot of women do strive to achieve vaginal perfection and they are disappointed when they realize that it is not realistic.
Outside of mainstream porn with their proliferation of vaginas that have clearly had vaginoplasty and labiaplasty, most vaginas are pretty damn weird looking. It's a dark and mysterious place that looks funny inside and out. But guess what? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm willing to bet that the individual you have sex with thinks your vagina is freaking spectacular and they probably would love to get in it every single day.
Does vaginal birth "wreck" or "blow out" your vagina? I don't know because I've never experienced a vaginal birth, but I'm inclined to say that it does not get ruined by childbirth. If it did, no one would have more than one child. Seriously, think about it. If vaginas are left permanently floppy and sloppy after childbirth, why would it get penised enough to get the woman pregnant again? The man would have a really difficult time ejaculating if his penis didn't get any friction from the vaginal walls and no ejaculation equals very slim chance of pregnancy.
I'd imagine that the first few times having sex after a vaginal birth aren't really all that great. Perhaps it might still feel a little slack weeks later or maybe stitches (if she was cut or tore) are still irritating. Well, women who have vaginal births aren't the lone rangers when it comes to awkward post-childbirth sex. In my typical way of sharing way too much information, sex after a Cesarean isn't exactly awesome and it very nearly brought me to tears (and they weren't tears of joy) because my incision site was so damned painful more than six-weeks later. And that's not even the entire story. I know it makes no sense, but things somehow felt different on the inside to me too and not in a good way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I figure that post-childbirth sex isn't going to be the most mind-blowing sex ever experienced so get back in the habit and eventually it will be great again.
Have you (or your partner) experienced vaginal birth? Were Kegels practiced prior to birth and afterward? Long clenches, short & rapid clenches, or a mix of both? What was the end result of the vagina? Did it feel any different? Was sex better, worse or about the same? Am I crazy for throwing caution to the wind and risking the size of my tiny vaginey by deciding to have a VBAC?
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I know that I've touched on some fairly controversial issues in this post today. I hope that any comments can be respectful and that we can express ourselves without belittling or attacking each other. Remember to fight the position, not the person.
Friday, December 3, 2010
It's Never Too Early To Start Training
I took a Lamaze class when I was pregnant with my son, but I never used the techniques even once because I never experienced labor. I don't think that I have expressed in this blog just how disappointed I was in my son's birth via cesarean. No, I wasn't just disappointed that I didn't experience a completely drug-free vaginal birth. I felt like I was less of a mother than other mothers who did have what I consider to be my ideal birth experience. Those feelings of inadequacy were terribly difficult to overcome and it took months before I stopped feeling like a birth failure.
I knew as soon as my son was born that I would be seeking a drug-free vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) should I get another birthing opportunity and I had decided many months ago that I'd like to try a different approach than Lamaze. I obviously never used the method so I can't speak about it's effectiveness, but the patterned breathing of Lamaze felt unnatural and I suspect that it would not help me labor or deliver any easier. I'm also not thrilled with anecdotal evidence about what I would call the Lamaze success rate. That is, the percentage of women who experience non-medicated births by utilizing Lamaze.
A fellow mama who I instantly clicked with months ago became a Bradley instructor. The Bradley method has an outstanding success rate for non-medicated births. Even better, this mama used the Bradley method to experience her own all-natural VBAC. Do you sometimes feel like an invisible wave is pushing you toward a making a particular decision? I feel that way here. She knows what it's like to feel cheated out of the birth you wanted and her passion is to help other women experience the birth that they want to have. Add in that she's a fantastically funny woman and I'm really looking forward to taking her Bradley classes sometime next year. Here's a linky to her site if you are pregnant and interested in Bradley or if you know someone who might be interested.
It's clearly too soon for me to participate in any childbirth classes, but I've already been scouring the internet for information because I'm an overachiever in that way. The Bradley method, from what I've gathered, places strong emphasis on health during pregnancy to help facilitate an easier birth process. Part of that healthy pregnant lifestyle includes regular exercise and some specific exercises to help condition the muscles that you'll be working during labor and birth.
Why, yes, I have been doing prenatal exercises this afternoon. Squats are fine, pelvic tilts seem useless, and I don't see the point in sitting Indian-style. In my opinion, the Kegels are the worst! I mean, I can do them just fine, but they make me, uh, hot. That's great if I'm doing them before bedtime and my husband & I have the energy to get busy, but not so great if I'm doing them throughout the day. I can't be the only woman who feels this way about Kegels, can I?
Did you attend any childbirth classes to prepare for labor & delivery? Which classes did you take? Do you feel the class was worthwhile? What do you regret about your birth experience? What memory do you still cherish from your birth experience? Did you experience a drug-free vaginal birth? Do you have any advice to help a mama looking to have the same experience? Please share below!
I knew as soon as my son was born that I would be seeking a drug-free vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) should I get another birthing opportunity and I had decided many months ago that I'd like to try a different approach than Lamaze. I obviously never used the method so I can't speak about it's effectiveness, but the patterned breathing of Lamaze felt unnatural and I suspect that it would not help me labor or deliver any easier. I'm also not thrilled with anecdotal evidence about what I would call the Lamaze success rate. That is, the percentage of women who experience non-medicated births by utilizing Lamaze.
A fellow mama who I instantly clicked with months ago became a Bradley instructor. The Bradley method has an outstanding success rate for non-medicated births. Even better, this mama used the Bradley method to experience her own all-natural VBAC. Do you sometimes feel like an invisible wave is pushing you toward a making a particular decision? I feel that way here. She knows what it's like to feel cheated out of the birth you wanted and her passion is to help other women experience the birth that they want to have. Add in that she's a fantastically funny woman and I'm really looking forward to taking her Bradley classes sometime next year. Here's a linky to her site if you are pregnant and interested in Bradley or if you know someone who might be interested.
It's clearly too soon for me to participate in any childbirth classes, but I've already been scouring the internet for information because I'm an overachiever in that way. The Bradley method, from what I've gathered, places strong emphasis on health during pregnancy to help facilitate an easier birth process. Part of that healthy pregnant lifestyle includes regular exercise and some specific exercises to help condition the muscles that you'll be working during labor and birth.
Why, yes, I have been doing prenatal exercises this afternoon. Squats are fine, pelvic tilts seem useless, and I don't see the point in sitting Indian-style. In my opinion, the Kegels are the worst! I mean, I can do them just fine, but they make me, uh, hot. That's great if I'm doing them before bedtime and my husband & I have the energy to get busy, but not so great if I'm doing them throughout the day. I can't be the only woman who feels this way about Kegels, can I?
Did you attend any childbirth classes to prepare for labor & delivery? Which classes did you take? Do you feel the class was worthwhile? What do you regret about your birth experience? What memory do you still cherish from your birth experience? Did you experience a drug-free vaginal birth? Do you have any advice to help a mama looking to have the same experience? Please share below!
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