I like politics and I like healthy debate. However, I try my very best to avoid political discussions on my friends' Facebook walls. I don't steer clear because I am uninformed or because I can't get my point across (some may well say that I'm a little too pointed), but I generally try to restrain myself from participating because it has become abundantly clear to me that political Facebook statuses are meant to become a circle jerk of like-minded believers. That is, dissent is not usually appreciated or tolerated.
Why not participate? I mean, we are all adults and we should be quite aware that the entire world doesn't share our viewpoints. Besides, learning about and hearing other ideas and thoughts is one of the ways that we achieve personal growth as individuals. In an ideal world, both preceeding statements would be true. In the real world, we appear to be stuck in obstinate toddlerhood when it comes to politics - we want to oppose, but we can't truly handle opposition from anyone else.
Put simply I try to avoid commenting on these statuses because, at best, I alienate a friend. At worst, I end up learning that a friend is too cowardly to let their thoughts (and others') remain and they make active use of their delete button. I've already blogged about how I feel about trying to erase thoughts as it relates to blogging and I feel the same about people, friends or otherwise, doing it on Facebook. It doesn't mean that I won't be friends with them any longer because I'm an adult and I accept my friends as they are, perceived flaws and all, but it is disappointing when it happens.
Ordinarily, I wouldn't care if someone is so narrow-minded that they can't handle reading a difference of opinion. I certainly do care when someone who I care about is off-the-charts judgemental and mean-spirited toward those with different political persuasions. Those "different" people would be those who share my political thoughts and ideals. I have to say that I even find it hurtful to some extent because engaging in and condoning name calling against "those" people is the same as doing it to me. Get it? What is said about "them" is being said about me.
I don't exactly wear my heart on my sleeve so, my personal feelings aside, I'm more disturbed when I see that someone I care about is whole-heartedly approving outright fallacies and falsehoods. Seeing a friend spreading and applauding fallacious arguments and outright falsehoods feels like it did when you found out that a friend was behind the vicious rumors about you in high school and it's very much the same thing your Facebook friend is doing now. "I don't get her or her way of thinking so she must be fill-in-the-blank." I've actually seen that "blank" filled in with words not based on any facts, but solely designed to incite a violent reaction (verbal or otherwise): racist, misogynistic, @sshole, stupid, unpatriotic, Rethuglican, Dumbicrat, etc.
I respectfully submit that it's intentionally ignorant to ascribe a negative name toward someone when you aren't even interested in hearing why they believe the way they do. This childish name calling is essentially the internet way of putting your hands over your ears and saying, "la, la, la - I can't hear you!" Even worse is that it's not that they can't hear, it's that they won't hear and there is a huge difference between the two. Who knows, maybe they have been so conditioned to have an "us vs them" mentality that they really can't hear. If that's the case, I find it profoundly sad that they've been so brainwashed to have tunnel thoughts. . .like tunnel vision, but infinitely more detrimental.
I have written some controversial blog posts. I have shared some controversial content on Facebook. I have sometimes stirred up an entire hornet's nest of venomous activity. One thing I haven't done, and will not do, is talk sh*t about friends who think differently than I do. And I surely will not be chickensh*t about it and phrase poisonous ideas about "those" people. It's not about "you," it's about "them!" Yeah, keep telling yourself that and perhaps someone will eventually believe it.
Another thing I won't do is delete comments that aren't in perfect lockstep with my own thoughts. See, I may be an unpatriotic, racist, misogynistic @sshole (all that would be news to me and, I hope, to those who know me - well, except the @sshole part!), but I am not a coward and I am not afraid of people who think differently than I do. As one who loves freedom, I sure as heck am not willing to censor other people who are flexing their own freedom to share their thoughts.
I love Facebook because it's a great tool to keep in touch with people who I don't often see or have an opportunity to chat with, but sometimes I can really do without the things I learn about friends and family. Of course, the flip side is that those friends and family members are probably thinking the same thing about me.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
How to Help and How to Annoy a New Mother
Whether you have had one child or a dozen and whether you physically birthed the child or not, life with a brand new baby can be hectic for at least a period of time. A dear friend of mine had a baby recently and I found myself remembering the exhausting newborn days. A few things stand out to me about that time and here are the things that I found to be the good, the bad, and the ugly of early parenthood.
The Good
- My husband took nearly a full week off of work to be with me. That was sooo helpful because I couldn't even lift the baby in the first few days and having him there was a great comfort to me.
- Between my husband and my MIL, I never changed even one dirty diaper in my son's first week of life. I didn't see even one meconium-filled diaper and don't feel that I missed out on anything!
- Friends and family brought us dinners every day for nearly two full weeks. I can't stress enough how much those meals were welcomed and appreciated when I didn't have the energy to cook and couldn't even manage my way around the kitchen.
- A lactation consultant who seemed really interested in helping me establish an awesome breastfeeding relationship by helping me work on getting a good latch. This was in contrast to the first LC I saw while still in the hospital.
- The friend who volunteered to watch our son when he was a couple months old so that we could go to dinner. I still find it difficult to leave my son with a sitter who he doesn't know and it was incredibly kind that this friend offered because hubs & I definitely needed the time to reconnect at that point.
The Bad
- People who suggested that I stop struggling with breastfeeding and just go with a bottle of formula. It is no one's business how any mother chooses to feed her child. Period. So STFU about it unless you are asked for your opinion or advice.
- People who suddenly developed opinions on my dietary choices. . .and I lost my pregnancy weight by my post-partum checkup! Yeah, I gained that weight right back (and then some!) once my son was weaned, but it was gone for a period of time. A woman's doctor is just about the only one who can voice concern about her weight. If you aren't her personal physician, you just sound like a jerk.
- People who give unrequested advice. OMFG, this one gripes me! It's unbelievable how many people try to undermine a new mother's authority over her own child. The worst was when my husband would be given some choice nugget and he'd take it back to me because then it felt like my husband was being used against me.
- People who expected their dishes back within some unknown timeframe and badger the mother about them. It is very kind to bring meals to a new mother, but it is very stressful if you call every day to inquire about getting back your dishes. It's even more stressful if the mother has had a c/s and can't even freaking drive yet! Drop off meals in dishes that you don't need back right away (or dishes that are disposable) or don't bother.
- People who try to scare you about your new baby by indicating that something completely normal and expected is abnormal and unexpected. New babies generally do not sleep through the night, new babies do go through a peak fussy period, new babies do experience growth spurts in which they nurse significantly more than they did the week previously, and newborns tend to spit up a bit.
The Ugly
- People who stopped by unannounced and wanted to see the baby. When a new mother is walking around nearly topless and totally sleep deprived 24/7, this is not an appreciated visit and her ability to shoot the breeze is impossibly impaired.
- People who stayed for what seemed like forever. When you're operating on two total hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, an hour-long visit is just too long and it's time that could be used for napping.
- People who are uptight about Thank You notes. Look, I am kind of obsessive about writing out thank yous and I do it the day that I receive a gift so if you didn't receive one from me at some point, it was most likely lost in the mail (or I held it because I usually see you in person). But I wouldn't dream of acting like a snarky witch if a new mother hasn't found the time to write a stupid thank you note. Seriously, is the recipient going to frame it or something?
- People who have the nerve to ask when you're going to clean and do housework. WTF?! I swear that my response will be, "as soon as you can help me," if I am ever asked such a ridiculously rude question ever again.
- People who question your parental choices. I ordinarily have pretty thick skin and can take criticism fairly well, but not when I'm in the midst of the post-partum hormone crash. I think that these people have no idea how lousy they made me feel when I was at my most vulnerable.
What are your top tips for helping out a new mother? Do you have any early motherhood horror stories?
The Good
- My husband took nearly a full week off of work to be with me. That was sooo helpful because I couldn't even lift the baby in the first few days and having him there was a great comfort to me.
- Between my husband and my MIL, I never changed even one dirty diaper in my son's first week of life. I didn't see even one meconium-filled diaper and don't feel that I missed out on anything!
- Friends and family brought us dinners every day for nearly two full weeks. I can't stress enough how much those meals were welcomed and appreciated when I didn't have the energy to cook and couldn't even manage my way around the kitchen.
- A lactation consultant who seemed really interested in helping me establish an awesome breastfeeding relationship by helping me work on getting a good latch. This was in contrast to the first LC I saw while still in the hospital.
- The friend who volunteered to watch our son when he was a couple months old so that we could go to dinner. I still find it difficult to leave my son with a sitter who he doesn't know and it was incredibly kind that this friend offered because hubs & I definitely needed the time to reconnect at that point.
The Bad
- People who suggested that I stop struggling with breastfeeding and just go with a bottle of formula. It is no one's business how any mother chooses to feed her child. Period. So STFU about it unless you are asked for your opinion or advice.
- People who suddenly developed opinions on my dietary choices. . .and I lost my pregnancy weight by my post-partum checkup! Yeah, I gained that weight right back (and then some!) once my son was weaned, but it was gone for a period of time. A woman's doctor is just about the only one who can voice concern about her weight. If you aren't her personal physician, you just sound like a jerk.
- People who give unrequested advice. OMFG, this one gripes me! It's unbelievable how many people try to undermine a new mother's authority over her own child. The worst was when my husband would be given some choice nugget and he'd take it back to me because then it felt like my husband was being used against me.
- People who expected their dishes back within some unknown timeframe and badger the mother about them. It is very kind to bring meals to a new mother, but it is very stressful if you call every day to inquire about getting back your dishes. It's even more stressful if the mother has had a c/s and can't even freaking drive yet! Drop off meals in dishes that you don't need back right away (or dishes that are disposable) or don't bother.
- People who try to scare you about your new baby by indicating that something completely normal and expected is abnormal and unexpected. New babies generally do not sleep through the night, new babies do go through a peak fussy period, new babies do experience growth spurts in which they nurse significantly more than they did the week previously, and newborns tend to spit up a bit.
The Ugly
- People who stopped by unannounced and wanted to see the baby. When a new mother is walking around nearly topless and totally sleep deprived 24/7, this is not an appreciated visit and her ability to shoot the breeze is impossibly impaired.
- People who stayed for what seemed like forever. When you're operating on two total hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, an hour-long visit is just too long and it's time that could be used for napping.
- People who are uptight about Thank You notes. Look, I am kind of obsessive about writing out thank yous and I do it the day that I receive a gift so if you didn't receive one from me at some point, it was most likely lost in the mail (or I held it because I usually see you in person). But I wouldn't dream of acting like a snarky witch if a new mother hasn't found the time to write a stupid thank you note. Seriously, is the recipient going to frame it or something?
- People who have the nerve to ask when you're going to clean and do housework. WTF?! I swear that my response will be, "as soon as you can help me," if I am ever asked such a ridiculously rude question ever again.
- People who question your parental choices. I ordinarily have pretty thick skin and can take criticism fairly well, but not when I'm in the midst of the post-partum hormone crash. I think that these people have no idea how lousy they made me feel when I was at my most vulnerable.
What are your top tips for helping out a new mother? Do you have any early motherhood horror stories?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Prayers for a Friend & Her Baby
I'm soliciting prayers tonight for a dear friend who some readers know very well. She's one of the wonderful ladies who watched my son when I had to leave him to go to New Jersey last year for my brother's funeral. She not only volunteered to watch my rambunctious lil' guy, but she also sent a delicious supper home with him that night so my hubs didn't have to worry about food prep. I might also add that she works from home and has children of her own! I often think that SuperMom's secret identity has been revealed when I see her making it all work while maintaining her sanity and good humor.
She's a little less than four-weeks from her estimated due date and she's been monitored in the hospital while on bedrest for the last several days. Her amniotic fluid levels are a bit lower than expected and there is concern that her placenta shows a lot of calcification. Adding to her worries is that she has Gestational Diabetes and they are having trouble keeping her blood sugar stabilized each evening. Thankfully, her baby isn't showing any signs of distress.
She's understandably upset and missing her family. The entire family is lovely and she has such a genuinely kind heart. Her last blog post illustrated her fears and sadness, leaving me in tears over the entire situation.
Please join me in praying for her physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health during this trying time. Ask for blessings on the sweet little babe still in her womb. Lift her entire family up in prayer as this separation and uncertainty is so very hard on them. God hears our prayers and remember that supplication will bless your own heart too.
She's a little less than four-weeks from her estimated due date and she's been monitored in the hospital while on bedrest for the last several days. Her amniotic fluid levels are a bit lower than expected and there is concern that her placenta shows a lot of calcification. Adding to her worries is that she has Gestational Diabetes and they are having trouble keeping her blood sugar stabilized each evening. Thankfully, her baby isn't showing any signs of distress.
She's understandably upset and missing her family. The entire family is lovely and she has such a genuinely kind heart. Her last blog post illustrated her fears and sadness, leaving me in tears over the entire situation.
Please join me in praying for her physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health during this trying time. Ask for blessings on the sweet little babe still in her womb. Lift her entire family up in prayer as this separation and uncertainty is so very hard on them. God hears our prayers and remember that supplication will bless your own heart too.
Friday, May 27, 2011
It's Time for the Strawberry Festival
Fun * Rides * Games * Vendors * and lots & lots of
Strawberry Tastiness!
Strawberry Tastiness!
In Southern California and looking for something fun to do this weekend? Come on out to the Garden Grove Strawberry Festival! The festival runs each day of this weekend, from today until Monday. You can find all the fun at the Village Green, between Euclid and Main in Downtown Garden Grove.
I have a long history with the Festival. As a youngster, I volunteered in booths for two different charities. I think sometime around 1985 or so would have been the first time I was in a booth there. After being absent for several years, I have been a helper for the Festival itself for the last eight years.
By far, the most challenging part of volunteering has been working traffic for the parade and helping out at the VIP breakfast Saturday morning. What am I doing this year? Take a wild guess. . .I am desperately hoping that I'm not stricken with the same morning sickness that I get every day that I have things to do and places to go. I'll let you know how that hoping works out for me.
I hope to see you there!
PS I'll be easy to recognize because I'll have my 3-year old attached to my back or my hip. ;)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
We're Never Ready to Say Goodbye
I've just learned that a very good friend lost her mother this morning. I have had so much to say while processing my own grief over losing my brother and my baby, but words escape me at the moment. All I can think to say when my friend is hurting over a painful loss is that I'm sorry.
As would be expected when a friend suffers a loss, I hurt for her in a strangely personal way. I can't recall ever meeting her mom, but I've heard enough about her that I feel like I knew her. She sounded like a spectacularly wonderful mother - one any girl would be thrilled to have - and I'm sure that makes this grief so much more painful for the family.
It occurs to me that it's always too soon to say goodbye when our loved ones pass away. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Love your loved ones and let them feel your love every day because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone.
As would be expected when a friend suffers a loss, I hurt for her in a strangely personal way. I can't recall ever meeting her mom, but I've heard enough about her that I feel like I knew her. She sounded like a spectacularly wonderful mother - one any girl would be thrilled to have - and I'm sure that makes this grief so much more painful for the family.
It occurs to me that it's always too soon to say goodbye when our loved ones pass away. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Love your loved ones and let them feel your love every day because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Christmas Letter - II
Here is the Christmas letter I never sent out last year. No photos, of course, unless you'd like to see some awesome pics of our family. Let me know if you'd like to see some pics and I'll send them via e-mail. . .I have an entire year of my lil' guy and his super-cute photos.
"We ended 2009 full of promise and hope, sure that 2010 would be our year. Sometimes life just doesn't work out the way we expect. This year has been wildly difficult and, as a result, this Christmas letter is far more somber than one I'd normally write.
Where to begin? For starters, it's important to say that Bill, Heather, & (our son) are all enjoying good health at the moment. Our family is together and healthy and that is really the most important thing in life and it's what we are most thankful for every year, but especially this year.
We've attended eight funerals this year; we lost close friends, Bill's last grandparent, and, most painfully, we suffered the loss of Heather's only brother who died unexpectedly at age 41. One of Heather's family members endured six surgeries this year and very nearly passed away on two different occasions. There is a particular type of turmoil on two fronts that has been on-going since early this year and there is little chance for a rapid resolution.
It might sound like this has been a terrible year for our family. And, yes, it has been very difficult at times. Our faith has been challenged often in 2010. But these challenges have only served to push us closer to God, to lean on Him, and seek comfort in the shelter of His loving arms. I find it hard to say that I'm thankful for the pain that we've suffered this year, but I am thankful that I can always fall on my knees in prayer when I can't possibly stand on my own two feet - and 2010 brought many days just like that.
Our little (our son) is 2 1/2-years old now and, if we do say so ourselves, he is so smart and adorable. He was fully potty trained just before his second birthday and he transitioned out of the crib soon after to help curb night time accidents. His verbal communication isn't always clear, but he has a lot to say and he's become quite the chatterbox. Of course, being a typical toddler, some days are better than others. Most days are a joy and Heather stays busy taking him to playdates, pre-pre-school, and other activities with friends.
We are very happy to announce that (our son) will get a sibling next year. Yes, after 19-months of trying, Heather is eight-weeks pregnant. This baby has already brought us such happiness and we're eager to meet the final member of our family next August. (We lost this baby in the first trimester. . . )
If I've learned anything in this year, it's that life is fleeting. We might not see you as often as we would like, and some of you we haven't seen even once this year, but we still do care about you and want you in our lives. In the end, nothing else matters except the love we have for and demonstrate toward each other.
We end 2010 full of promise and hope, sure that 2011 will be our year.
* * *
"We ended 2009 full of promise and hope, sure that 2010 would be our year. Sometimes life just doesn't work out the way we expect. This year has been wildly difficult and, as a result, this Christmas letter is far more somber than one I'd normally write.
Where to begin? For starters, it's important to say that Bill, Heather, & (our son) are all enjoying good health at the moment. Our family is together and healthy and that is really the most important thing in life and it's what we are most thankful for every year, but especially this year.
We've attended eight funerals this year; we lost close friends, Bill's last grandparent, and, most painfully, we suffered the loss of Heather's only brother who died unexpectedly at age 41. One of Heather's family members endured six surgeries this year and very nearly passed away on two different occasions. There is a particular type of turmoil on two fronts that has been on-going since early this year and there is little chance for a rapid resolution.
It might sound like this has been a terrible year for our family. And, yes, it has been very difficult at times. Our faith has been challenged often in 2010. But these challenges have only served to push us closer to God, to lean on Him, and seek comfort in the shelter of His loving arms. I find it hard to say that I'm thankful for the pain that we've suffered this year, but I am thankful that I can always fall on my knees in prayer when I can't possibly stand on my own two feet - and 2010 brought many days just like that.
Our little (our son) is 2 1/2-years old now and, if we do say so ourselves, he is so smart and adorable. He was fully potty trained just before his second birthday and he transitioned out of the crib soon after to help curb night time accidents. His verbal communication isn't always clear, but he has a lot to say and he's become quite the chatterbox. Of course, being a typical toddler, some days are better than others. Most days are a joy and Heather stays busy taking him to playdates, pre-pre-school, and other activities with friends.
We are very happy to announce that (our son) will get a sibling next year. Yes, after 19-months of trying, Heather is eight-weeks pregnant. This baby has already brought us such happiness and we're eager to meet the final member of our family next August. (We lost this baby in the first trimester. . . )
If I've learned anything in this year, it's that life is fleeting. We might not see you as often as we would like, and some of you we haven't seen even once this year, but we still do care about you and want you in our lives. In the end, nothing else matters except the love we have for and demonstrate toward each other.
We end 2010 full of promise and hope, sure that 2011 will be our year.
"For unto you is born this day in the City of David
a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord."
Luke 2:11"
Aw, well, we lost that darling baby. . .one day, God willing, we will give our darling boy a cherished sibling.
Aw, well, we lost that darling baby. . .one day, God willing, we will give our darling boy a cherished sibling.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Facebook - SAHM's Water Cooler
Bosses and business owners know and hate this simple fact: There isn't an employee on the planet who actually puts in every single minute of work that they are paid to perform. Feel free to dispute this, claim that you work every second of every day, and I'll feel free to call you on your BS. An employee is paid for their complete shift, let's say it's eight hours of work, but there is no way they actually work eight hours in a given day. Legally mandated lunch breaks and rest periods aside, it's human nature to mentally relax whenever you get an opportunity to stop working. Don't think I'm slamming it because I find nothing wrong with recharging your battery by checking out of work for a few minutes.
I always felt I was a good employee and I'd bet money that my employer agreed. However, I took plenty of chances to grab a smoke, get another cup of coffee, hit up the vending machines, and shoot the breeze with co-workers. Go ahead, mock my work ethic, but I needed the distraction of friendly human interaction to reset my brain after being mentally exhausted from work. I work hard and I fully expect and need to play hard too.
I don't work these days; well, it's more accurate to say that I don't work for wages any longer. I don't have co-workers, but I do have my fellow stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) friends. We can't exactly gather around an office water cooler to chit-chat throughout the day, but we can log-in to Facebook. And I do whenever I get a chance because it's an easy way to get a little adult interaction and I can quickly jump back to my SAHM job duties at any time. A 2 1/2-year old can be an incredibly frustrating boss and some days require more water cooler time than others!
This came up when someone I don't personally know suggested that her spouse objected to the amount of time she's on Facebook. I don't know the particulars so I can't comment on their situation, but I find it hard to see the problem unless the home and children are being neglected. Who cares if someone wants to pretend to harvest crops or feed fish? Understand that I say this as someone who totally does not get the appeal of those sorts of games. Who cares if someone just wants a little human interaction to break up the monotony (or aggravation) of the present day? Yes, I say this as someone who has had plenty of aggravatingly monotonous days!
My husband is on my Facebook friend list and I suppose he could take it upon himself to spy on my FB activity levels. He's not my boss though so I double-dog dare him to do it, but he certainly has the ability to do so. In any event, I don't begrudge him whatever he does on-line (at home or at work) and I suspect he feels the same about my internet activities. I mean, as long as we get our jobs done, who cares how we want to decompress?
Have your internet activity levels ever been the root (or symptom) of problems in your relationship? And, to reverse the question, has your spouse's internet activity levels ever caused problems between the two of you? How did you work through the situation? I'm looking forward to reading your comments!
I always felt I was a good employee and I'd bet money that my employer agreed. However, I took plenty of chances to grab a smoke, get another cup of coffee, hit up the vending machines, and shoot the breeze with co-workers. Go ahead, mock my work ethic, but I needed the distraction of friendly human interaction to reset my brain after being mentally exhausted from work. I work hard and I fully expect and need to play hard too.
I don't work these days; well, it's more accurate to say that I don't work for wages any longer. I don't have co-workers, but I do have my fellow stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) friends. We can't exactly gather around an office water cooler to chit-chat throughout the day, but we can log-in to Facebook. And I do whenever I get a chance because it's an easy way to get a little adult interaction and I can quickly jump back to my SAHM job duties at any time. A 2 1/2-year old can be an incredibly frustrating boss and some days require more water cooler time than others!
This came up when someone I don't personally know suggested that her spouse objected to the amount of time she's on Facebook. I don't know the particulars so I can't comment on their situation, but I find it hard to see the problem unless the home and children are being neglected. Who cares if someone wants to pretend to harvest crops or feed fish? Understand that I say this as someone who totally does not get the appeal of those sorts of games. Who cares if someone just wants a little human interaction to break up the monotony (or aggravation) of the present day? Yes, I say this as someone who has had plenty of aggravatingly monotonous days!
My husband is on my Facebook friend list and I suppose he could take it upon himself to spy on my FB activity levels. He's not my boss though so I double-dog dare him to do it, but he certainly has the ability to do so. In any event, I don't begrudge him whatever he does on-line (at home or at work) and I suspect he feels the same about my internet activities. I mean, as long as we get our jobs done, who cares how we want to decompress?
Have your internet activity levels ever been the root (or symptom) of problems in your relationship? And, to reverse the question, has your spouse's internet activity levels ever caused problems between the two of you? How did you work through the situation? I'm looking forward to reading your comments!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Friendly Advice
I'm aware that I've been down lately and a few friends have privately contacted me about my attitude. They were motivated by love and they gave me words of care and encouragement. I have been mulling over these exchanges and I won't share everything, but they were correct on all points.
Sinking deeper into despair will not improve my outlook, but faithfully trusting God will. I needed the reminder that He is in control and every single thing that I've done in life is what led me to where I am today. Where am I today? I am a beloved wife to my husband and an adored mother to our son.
Yes, I'm still sad about losing this baby. Who wouldn't be ache over the unexpected loss of a much-wanted baby? But I can't allow myself to be governed by the fear of another miscarriage and I can't beat myself up over choices that can't be undone.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is a fresh new day. I can choose how I respond to life's curve balls and I will not be held hostage by fear or guilt. I will live tomorrow to the fullest.
Sinking deeper into despair will not improve my outlook, but faithfully trusting God will. I needed the reminder that He is in control and every single thing that I've done in life is what led me to where I am today. Where am I today? I am a beloved wife to my husband and an adored mother to our son.
Yes, I'm still sad about losing this baby. Who wouldn't be ache over the unexpected loss of a much-wanted baby? But I can't allow myself to be governed by the fear of another miscarriage and I can't beat myself up over choices that can't be undone.
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is a fresh new day. I can choose how I respond to life's curve balls and I will not be held hostage by fear or guilt. I will live tomorrow to the fullest.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I Think I Must Have Known
Today I stared at the Christmas letter I wrote just a few short weeks ago. The Christmas letter that I inexplicably never sent to anyone even though I've promised many people the pictures that were going to be sent along with it. In this Christmas letter, I excitedly shared the news that my husband and I were finally expanding our family.
I'm at a loss to explain why I didn't send it out a month ago. When I didn't send it out before Christmas, I figured that I would send it out as a New Year's greeting. I never sent it then either. The letter and accompanying pictures sit, largely ignored, on our desk. Now it serves as a bitter reminder of the abundant joy that I had in my heart.
Why didn't I send out this letter to anyone? Did I know all along, somewhere deep down in a place that I would never acknowledge, did I know that this baby wasn't meant to be born to me? I found this pregnancy far more difficult than the one I had with my son, but I don't know that I feared that it wouldn't last. I didn't on any conscious level anyway.
I'm still waiting for the final part of this process to be complete, yet still clinging unrealistically to the hope that there might still be the tiniest heartbeat in my baby. I know it's going to hurt when it happens and, in a weird way, I'm looking forward to the pain. I'm hoping that the physical pain will be so great that it takes my mind off the emotional hurt I'm feeling.
As is my custom, I'm trying to find the good in this situation. It's really hard to find anything to give thanks for in this situation, but what shines out to me is that this pregnancy gave me ten-weeks of joy, heart-filling joy, that I haven't felt in such a long time. Yes, I'm suffering now, but I wasn't just a few short days ago. And, for that, I'm thankful.
I'm at a loss to explain why I didn't send it out a month ago. When I didn't send it out before Christmas, I figured that I would send it out as a New Year's greeting. I never sent it then either. The letter and accompanying pictures sit, largely ignored, on our desk. Now it serves as a bitter reminder of the abundant joy that I had in my heart.
Why didn't I send out this letter to anyone? Did I know all along, somewhere deep down in a place that I would never acknowledge, did I know that this baby wasn't meant to be born to me? I found this pregnancy far more difficult than the one I had with my son, but I don't know that I feared that it wouldn't last. I didn't on any conscious level anyway.
I'm still waiting for the final part of this process to be complete, yet still clinging unrealistically to the hope that there might still be the tiniest heartbeat in my baby. I know it's going to hurt when it happens and, in a weird way, I'm looking forward to the pain. I'm hoping that the physical pain will be so great that it takes my mind off the emotional hurt I'm feeling.
As is my custom, I'm trying to find the good in this situation. It's really hard to find anything to give thanks for in this situation, but what shines out to me is that this pregnancy gave me ten-weeks of joy, heart-filling joy, that I haven't felt in such a long time. Yes, I'm suffering now, but I wasn't just a few short days ago. And, for that, I'm thankful.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Long Day, Early Bedtime
My son and I went out this morning for the first time in over a week. Being cooped up for such a long time left me feeling dry and tired, but the companionship of great friends refreshed my spirit. My son had a wonderful time and even said that he had a good time with his friends ("good time friends") as we were driving home.
And then the day fell apart.
I was exhausted after my first excursion out of the house and, of all days to have this happen, my son would not nap. WOULD NOT NAP. None of my standard get-the-boy-to-go-to-sleep tricks didn't work. Returning him to bed didn't work. Taking away toys didn't work. Begging him to go to sleep didn't work. Nothing worked and I finally just gave up after an hour of attempting to get a nap for myself and we sat in the living room.
That's when I started feeling ill. I don't mean that I was catching a cold. No, I'm talking about the so-called morning sickness that apparently can strike at any moment during the day. I curled up on the couch, willing myself not to vomit, and my son decided that he wanted to nap. Against my throat. Have I ever mentioned that excess pressure against my throat often triggers my gag reflex? Yeah, that's just one reason why turtlenecks aren't my favorite type of clothing.
I pushed him away as gently as I could and then he started bouncing on the couch. Bouncing! Bouncing! Bouncing! He knows he's not allowed to bounce and flop on furniture so naturally he does it when I'm about to toss my cookies. Imagine feeling sick to your stomach and then sitting in a bounce house that's filled with people jumping around. That's pretty much what this felt like.
I calmly exited the living room and decided to lie down on his bed. He followed me. You can imagine how this tale ends, right?
After a couple of rough hours, my queasiness eased up enough that I was able to make dinner for the two of us. Thankfully, he ate it without complaint. He did, however, smear mashed potatoes in his hair. I stared at his hair treatment and considered letting the dog lick it out, but ultimately decided that a bath was in order. He went right to bed tonight and I think I need to follow suit!
And then the day fell apart.
I was exhausted after my first excursion out of the house and, of all days to have this happen, my son would not nap. WOULD NOT NAP. None of my standard get-the-boy-to-go-to-sleep tricks didn't work. Returning him to bed didn't work. Taking away toys didn't work. Begging him to go to sleep didn't work. Nothing worked and I finally just gave up after an hour of attempting to get a nap for myself and we sat in the living room.
That's when I started feeling ill. I don't mean that I was catching a cold. No, I'm talking about the so-called morning sickness that apparently can strike at any moment during the day. I curled up on the couch, willing myself not to vomit, and my son decided that he wanted to nap. Against my throat. Have I ever mentioned that excess pressure against my throat often triggers my gag reflex? Yeah, that's just one reason why turtlenecks aren't my favorite type of clothing.
I pushed him away as gently as I could and then he started bouncing on the couch. Bouncing! Bouncing! Bouncing! He knows he's not allowed to bounce and flop on furniture so naturally he does it when I'm about to toss my cookies. Imagine feeling sick to your stomach and then sitting in a bounce house that's filled with people jumping around. That's pretty much what this felt like.
I calmly exited the living room and decided to lie down on his bed. He followed me. You can imagine how this tale ends, right?
After a couple of rough hours, my queasiness eased up enough that I was able to make dinner for the two of us. Thankfully, he ate it without complaint. He did, however, smear mashed potatoes in his hair. I stared at his hair treatment and considered letting the dog lick it out, but ultimately decided that a bath was in order. He went right to bed tonight and I think I need to follow suit!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The Christmas Letter
As I have done for the last several years, I'd like to send a Christmas letter to friends and family. Most years, I have no problem writing a fun and upbeat (I think) letter to let our loved ones know what's going on in our lives. I'm having an impossibly difficult time writing the Christmas letter this year.
We attended eight funerals; including close friends, my husband's last grandparent and, most painfully, my own brother. One of my loved ones has had six surgeries this year and very nearly died on two different occasions. I have never mentioned it in this blog, but there has been a particular type of turmoil on two fronts that has been ongoing since fairly early this year and I don't see the situation ever improving very much - if at all. After a tenancy of more than three years, I lost my condo's tenants and have yet to find new tenants to rent out my condo. For the first time in our entire married life, my husband and I slept apart. . .this probably doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but it is a huge deal to me.
I am finally pregnant after 19-months of trying to conceive and, quite honestly, that has been the one bright spot this year. After a solid year of sadness, sorrow, and frustration, God has blessed my husband and me with another child. And, yet, there have been challenges even in this joyous blessing that still aren't completely resolved at this time.
I've been mentally writing this Christmas letter for weeks, but I just don't know what to write about this year because what I have so far reads like the world's biggest pity party. I'm seriously considering just sending out a generic note saying, "Merry Christmas" with our latest family pictures because I can't seem to write anything that would be uplifting to anyone.
Do you write a Christmas letter? What do you write about in years that are remarkably challenging?
We attended eight funerals; including close friends, my husband's last grandparent and, most painfully, my own brother. One of my loved ones has had six surgeries this year and very nearly died on two different occasions. I have never mentioned it in this blog, but there has been a particular type of turmoil on two fronts that has been ongoing since fairly early this year and I don't see the situation ever improving very much - if at all. After a tenancy of more than three years, I lost my condo's tenants and have yet to find new tenants to rent out my condo. For the first time in our entire married life, my husband and I slept apart. . .this probably doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but it is a huge deal to me.
I am finally pregnant after 19-months of trying to conceive and, quite honestly, that has been the one bright spot this year. After a solid year of sadness, sorrow, and frustration, God has blessed my husband and me with another child. And, yet, there have been challenges even in this joyous blessing that still aren't completely resolved at this time.
I've been mentally writing this Christmas letter for weeks, but I just don't know what to write about this year because what I have so far reads like the world's biggest pity party. I'm seriously considering just sending out a generic note saying, "Merry Christmas" with our latest family pictures because I can't seem to write anything that would be uplifting to anyone.
Do you write a Christmas letter? What do you write about in years that are remarkably challenging?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
An Unsettling Dream
My husband kindly took our son to a birthday party this morning and our little one took a 3-hour nap as soon as they arrived back home. That means that I also was able to take a 3-hour nap. I'd ordinarily be happy to get such a great nap, but I had an unsettling dream that I've been pondering since I woke up.
I dreamed that my best friend and I were drinking and she uncharacteristically got overserved. I offered to give her a ride and she declined. I also suggested an alternate transportation arrangement which was also declined. We were both parked in opposite directions so we turned from each other and began walking toward our vehicles. I turned to watch her leave and, as she walked away from me, I was painfully aware that it would be the last time I would see her alive. At that point, I woke up.
This dream was odd for a few reasons. My best friend died in 2006 so it's been many years since I've had the joy of seeing her. The last time I saw her wasn't after a pleasant time hanging out; it was after cancer had wasted her away and left her in a coma on life support. And, while we enjoyed cocktails plenty of times, I never once saw her even remotely drunk.
My husband analyzed this dream and he feels that it highlights the guilt I feel for not seeing more of her when she was still here. I think that's a fair assessment, but I don't know - it could just be some stupid dream. For reasons I can't understand, she didn't want visitors when she was fighting cancer the hardest. I sent cards and letters, but I didn't visit and I do regret that I respected her wishes because it isn't something a good friend would have done so I do have a lot of guilt.
I had another hCG test this morning and my levels are now at 19,678. On Sunday they were at 4,000, I was at 13,000 by Thursday and today it's at 19,678. I'm reassured that it's obviously rising, but it has slowed and isn't doubling every 48 hours. I have read that this isn't terribly uncommon at this point and plenty of pregnancies progress with slow growing HCG levels so I'm trying not to make too much over the numbers. Besides, ultrasound becomes a better diagnostic tool than hCG levels by around 6-weeks gestation. My doctor still wants to see me Tuesday and, hopefully, we'll at least see a fetal pole in my gestational sac by now. I'm also hopeful that I'll be released to enjoy normal activities. Please keep your prayers coming, we're not totally out of the woods yet.
I dreamed that my best friend and I were drinking and she uncharacteristically got overserved. I offered to give her a ride and she declined. I also suggested an alternate transportation arrangement which was also declined. We were both parked in opposite directions so we turned from each other and began walking toward our vehicles. I turned to watch her leave and, as she walked away from me, I was painfully aware that it would be the last time I would see her alive. At that point, I woke up.
This dream was odd for a few reasons. My best friend died in 2006 so it's been many years since I've had the joy of seeing her. The last time I saw her wasn't after a pleasant time hanging out; it was after cancer had wasted her away and left her in a coma on life support. And, while we enjoyed cocktails plenty of times, I never once saw her even remotely drunk.
My husband analyzed this dream and he feels that it highlights the guilt I feel for not seeing more of her when she was still here. I think that's a fair assessment, but I don't know - it could just be some stupid dream. For reasons I can't understand, she didn't want visitors when she was fighting cancer the hardest. I sent cards and letters, but I didn't visit and I do regret that I respected her wishes because it isn't something a good friend would have done so I do have a lot of guilt.
* * *
I had another hCG test this morning and my levels are now at 19,678. On Sunday they were at 4,000, I was at 13,000 by Thursday and today it's at 19,678. I'm reassured that it's obviously rising, but it has slowed and isn't doubling every 48 hours. I have read that this isn't terribly uncommon at this point and plenty of pregnancies progress with slow growing HCG levels so I'm trying not to make too much over the numbers. Besides, ultrasound becomes a better diagnostic tool than hCG levels by around 6-weeks gestation. My doctor still wants to see me Tuesday and, hopefully, we'll at least see a fetal pole in my gestational sac by now. I'm also hopeful that I'll be released to enjoy normal activities. Please keep your prayers coming, we're not totally out of the woods yet.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Busy Couple of Days
I am beat! It seems a little soon to be hit with early pregnancy exhaustion, but I've been a busy little Bloggy.
We hosted Thanksgiving for nine at our house yesterday and, in typical fashion, I refused most help so I did much of it myself. I did relent and allow my husband and MIL to sweep and pick up the house. I also had my parents bring corn and salad. My BIL brought mashed potatoes and my SIL & mother did a significant amount of clean up.
As if the Thanksgiving party wasn't enough, we're having a bunch of friends over this evening. I started two crock pots of chili (one top sirloin, one ground beef) this morning and I also have a fridge full of snacks. I have a friend bringing dessert and another friend bringing her special guacamole.
This has been a busy couple of days, but we have been having a great time with our friends and family. Of course, we're also pretty tickled to share our special baby news. I still have prep to do (chili toppings) so I'm cutting this short, but I hope that you've had a lovely Thanksgiving with your loved ones!
We hosted Thanksgiving for nine at our house yesterday and, in typical fashion, I refused most help so I did much of it myself. I did relent and allow my husband and MIL to sweep and pick up the house. I also had my parents bring corn and salad. My BIL brought mashed potatoes and my SIL & mother did a significant amount of clean up.
As if the Thanksgiving party wasn't enough, we're having a bunch of friends over this evening. I started two crock pots of chili (one top sirloin, one ground beef) this morning and I also have a fridge full of snacks. I have a friend bringing dessert and another friend bringing her special guacamole.
This has been a busy couple of days, but we have been having a great time with our friends and family. Of course, we're also pretty tickled to share our special baby news. I still have prep to do (chili toppings) so I'm cutting this short, but I hope that you've had a lovely Thanksgiving with your loved ones!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Don't Make Me Beg
I had nearly 100 readers when this blog's settings were private. Readers had to sign in to access my posts and it was a total pain for everyone involved, including Bloggy McBloggerstein. I ultimately removed the privacy settings and made this blog public.
What happened to my readership? As you can see on the right, I have currently have eleven followers. This means that I lost most of my readership when I made this blog viewable to the general public. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
I don't want to go back to making this blog viewable by Invitation Only, but I want my readers to return! See that "Follow" button on the right? Please click it and officially follow this blog.
What's that? You want me to beg? Um, okay. Please, please, please click the "Follow" button on the right.
Huh? That's not good enough? You want me to do some major begging? You're a sick puppy, but this is for you: Here I am on my hands and knees (tough position for typing!), looking all submissive and beggar-like. Please. . .?
Ah, man! That plea wasn't nerdy enough? Does this work? "Help me, (insert your name here), you're my only hope!"
Now that I've sufficiently embarrassed myself and lost my pride, I wonder what I'll do if my begging doesn't yield any additional Followers. Perhaps I should try making threats?! Aw, come on. Don't make me resort to such lametastic methods. Just click the "Follow" button on the right. . .pretty please with sugar on top! :-)
What happened to my readership? As you can see on the right, I have currently have eleven followers. This means that I lost most of my readership when I made this blog viewable to the general public. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
I don't want to go back to making this blog viewable by Invitation Only, but I want my readers to return! See that "Follow" button on the right? Please click it and officially follow this blog.
What's that? You want me to beg? Um, okay. Please, please, please click the "Follow" button on the right.
Huh? That's not good enough? You want me to do some major begging? You're a sick puppy, but this is for you: Here I am on my hands and knees (tough position for typing!), looking all submissive and beggar-like. Please. . .?
Ah, man! That plea wasn't nerdy enough? Does this work? "Help me, (insert your name here), you're my only hope!"
Now that I've sufficiently embarrassed myself and lost my pride, I wonder what I'll do if my begging doesn't yield any additional Followers. Perhaps I should try making threats?! Aw, come on. Don't make me resort to such lametastic methods. Just click the "Follow" button on the right. . .pretty please with sugar on top! :-)
Friday, October 22, 2010
It's Ladies Night!
Yeah, yeah, so I have an affinity for Kool & the Gang, but it is most certainly Ladies Night tonight!
For only the second time since my son has been born, maybe since I've been dating my husband (that would be over seven years for those of you keeping score at home!), I'm kicking it with some chicks tonight. My NM 08 friends are having a hen party, no children and no spouses, and we are gettin' our drink on! I was supposed to make my super-tasty stuffed mushrooms, but since I didn't go to the store and I do have seven ripe avocados on my kitchen counter, I'm bringing my super-awesome (and lazy!) guacamole. Of course, no cocktail party would be a cocktail party without the cocktails so yours truly is also bringing a big bottle of some cheap-ass vodka. . .Smirnoff to be exact. Martinis and munchies? Oh, yes, I am in!
Super-Awesome (and lazy!) Guacamole
Ripe avocado
Minced onion (or onion powder)
Granulated garlic
Salt & Pepper
Diced tomato
Toss avocado flesh in a bowl, discarding skins and pits. Roughly chop or mash avocado flesh. Add everything except tomato and continue to mash avocado with back of a fork. Add in diced tomato and lightly blend together with fork.
You might notice that my guacamole recipe does not call for ingredients to stretch the avocado goodness. Let me be absolutely clear on this: Guacamole DOES NOT contain mayo or sour cream or any other ingredients to stretch the avocado. If you only have one avocado, then you only get a small amount of guacamole!
For only the second time since my son has been born, maybe since I've been dating my husband (that would be over seven years for those of you keeping score at home!), I'm kicking it with some chicks tonight. My NM 08 friends are having a hen party, no children and no spouses, and we are gettin' our drink on! I was supposed to make my super-tasty stuffed mushrooms, but since I didn't go to the store and I do have seven ripe avocados on my kitchen counter, I'm bringing my super-awesome (and lazy!) guacamole. Of course, no cocktail party would be a cocktail party without the cocktails so yours truly is also bringing a big bottle of some cheap-ass vodka. . .Smirnoff to be exact. Martinis and munchies? Oh, yes, I am in!
* * *
Super-Awesome (and lazy!) Guacamole
Ripe avocado
Minced onion (or onion powder)
Granulated garlic
Salt & Pepper
Diced tomato
Toss avocado flesh in a bowl, discarding skins and pits. Roughly chop or mash avocado flesh. Add everything except tomato and continue to mash avocado with back of a fork. Add in diced tomato and lightly blend together with fork.
You might notice that my guacamole recipe does not call for ingredients to stretch the avocado goodness. Let me be absolutely clear on this: Guacamole DOES NOT contain mayo or sour cream or any other ingredients to stretch the avocado. If you only have one avocado, then you only get a small amount of guacamole!
Monday, September 20, 2010
You Get What You Give
I received a sympathy card with no return address in the mail today. The handwriting was familiar and instantly recognizable to me. For eleven years, I had worked with the woman who addressed the envelope. I assumed the card was only from her family. Imagine my surprise when I found that several of my former co-workers included kind condolence notes in the card. That might not impress some of you, but realize I have not worked with any of them in nearly 2 1/2 years. To say that I was touched they were thinking of me or praying for my family after I'd been gone so long would be an understatement.
When I was gone, my son was cared for by friends who have at least one child of their own at home. My husband received a delicious dinner every night, courtesy of more friends with young children at home. One day he even received two dinners and another friend dropped off dinner the day after I returned home because she thought I might not be up to cooking just yet. Some of the ladies at my church wanted to deliver meals as well and, upon hearing that meals were covered, asked that my husband call if he needed any help. My family has been lifted up in prayer by at least two different congregations and in daily prayers by countless friends and family.
I don't know how I'd be able to put one foot in front of the other if it weren't for the generous care from our friends and family.
Just yesterday afternoon, I was marveling at the love and support I've had since my brother died and a friend replied, "You get what you give." That's a fantastically succinct way to put it and I really can't add anything to improve her words. I just hope that I really do live up to, and continue to live up to, that statement in the eyes of my friends and family.
When I was gone, my son was cared for by friends who have at least one child of their own at home. My husband received a delicious dinner every night, courtesy of more friends with young children at home. One day he even received two dinners and another friend dropped off dinner the day after I returned home because she thought I might not be up to cooking just yet. Some of the ladies at my church wanted to deliver meals as well and, upon hearing that meals were covered, asked that my husband call if he needed any help. My family has been lifted up in prayer by at least two different congregations and in daily prayers by countless friends and family.
I don't know how I'd be able to put one foot in front of the other if it weren't for the generous care from our friends and family.
Just yesterday afternoon, I was marveling at the love and support I've had since my brother died and a friend replied, "You get what you give." That's a fantastically succinct way to put it and I really can't add anything to improve her words. I just hope that I really do live up to, and continue to live up to, that statement in the eyes of my friends and family.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
My Heart Overflows
I'll probably be away from my computer for about a week and thought I'd try to get some blogging done before I leave. I'm going to experiment with setting my post options so that the posts automatically publish at set dates and times.
My heart has been poured out, totally emptied, with the unexpected death of my only brother. And, just as quickly, it was been filled to overflowing.
I spent a long time cuddled up with my Bible late last night. Indeed, I was up until a little beyond 2:00 am. Certain passages spoke to me, specifically the 22nd and 23rd Psalms and the book of Job.
Christians will instantly recognize the anguished cry at the beginning of the 22nd Psalm. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me was also on Jesus' lips while he suffered on the cross. I certainly don't feel forsaken, but I do feel like I've been under constant attack this year. I draw comfort from verse 24:
For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.
He does hear my cries. He knows every tear that I have shed as well as every hair on my head. I might not feel it, but I am held securely in His hands. When I finally feel restored, I will thank Him and give Him praise for carrying me through these difficult times. And I do not doubt for one moment that He is with me because He will never leave me nor forsake me.
He has already moved to help bring healing. I have a group of friends. . .I would have said good friends, but they are the greatest friends, who have stepped up to help my family in the most wonderful way.
I will be gone from home for nearly a week and I have to leave my husband and son at home. This is the first time I've spent the night away from either of them and I'll be gone for nearly one week. These wonderful friends have not only agreed to watch my son while my husband is at work, but they also will be giving meals to my family while I'm gone. And, just like that, my heart is overflowing with love and appreciation. I am filled with love and appreciation for the blessings that these friends are for my family everyday, but I am overwhelmed by the way they have come through in such a big way when I need their support the most. I can never repay this kindness and generosity. I'm so thankful that this remarkable group of women are a part of my life.
My heart has been poured out, totally emptied, with the unexpected death of my only brother. And, just as quickly, it was been filled to overflowing.
I spent a long time cuddled up with my Bible late last night. Indeed, I was up until a little beyond 2:00 am. Certain passages spoke to me, specifically the 22nd and 23rd Psalms and the book of Job.
Christians will instantly recognize the anguished cry at the beginning of the 22nd Psalm. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me was also on Jesus' lips while he suffered on the cross. I certainly don't feel forsaken, but I do feel like I've been under constant attack this year. I draw comfort from verse 24:
For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.
He does hear my cries. He knows every tear that I have shed as well as every hair on my head. I might not feel it, but I am held securely in His hands. When I finally feel restored, I will thank Him and give Him praise for carrying me through these difficult times. And I do not doubt for one moment that He is with me because He will never leave me nor forsake me.
He has already moved to help bring healing. I have a group of friends. . .I would have said good friends, but they are the greatest friends, who have stepped up to help my family in the most wonderful way.
I will be gone from home for nearly a week and I have to leave my husband and son at home. This is the first time I've spent the night away from either of them and I'll be gone for nearly one week. These wonderful friends have not only agreed to watch my son while my husband is at work, but they also will be giving meals to my family while I'm gone. And, just like that, my heart is overflowing with love and appreciation. I am filled with love and appreciation for the blessings that these friends are for my family everyday, but I am overwhelmed by the way they have come through in such a big way when I need their support the most. I can never repay this kindness and generosity. I'm so thankful that this remarkable group of women are a part of my life.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Sometimes There Are No Words
Though I'm normally very chatty, there are times that words escape me. Birth and death leave me dumb. My vocabulary gets severely restricted and I'm left floundering as I desperately try not to offer lame platitudes.
My family attended a memorial service for a friend this afternoon. Our friend was young, only 53-years old - the same age as my husband. And now he's gone.
Sometimes there are no words; this is one of those times.
Is there someone who you wish that you hung out with a little more? Someone who you keep meaning to call? Do it. Do it now. Walk away from the computer and don't waste another minute wishing or hoping to have someone be an active part of your life.
We only have so many days, so many breaths. Our time here is sometimes so damned short and you just don't know when death is going to come for a loved one. And, believe me, I can attest that you will regret not making the effort to be have a close relationship with them when death comes.
If you get anything out of this blog, this post, get this:
My family attended a memorial service for a friend this afternoon. Our friend was young, only 53-years old - the same age as my husband. And now he's gone.
Sometimes there are no words; this is one of those times.
* * *
Is there someone who you wish that you hung out with a little more? Someone who you keep meaning to call? Do it. Do it now. Walk away from the computer and don't waste another minute wishing or hoping to have someone be an active part of your life.
We only have so many days, so many breaths. Our time here is sometimes so damned short and you just don't know when death is going to come for a loved one. And, believe me, I can attest that you will regret not making the effort to be have a close relationship with them when death comes.
If you get anything out of this blog, this post, get this:
Make memories, not regrets.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The New Way to Entertain
Parenthood changes everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Even something as simple as going out for dinner can become an ordeal. So, what do parents do to have a little fun when they always have a kid in tow? Invite other parents and their kids over for supper, of course!
The problem is that entertaining has taken on an entirely new meaning for me since becoming a parent. Entertaining used to mean witty repartee between adults, cocktails (lots & lots of cocktails!), lovely hors d'oeuvres, and a delicious meal with a spectacular presentation.
I haven't entertained like that in years. . .at least four years by my calculations. Our house flooded while we were out of town for our anniversary in 2006. You'd think that the house would have been restored by now, wouldn't you? Well, it hasn't been. There are tons of ticky-tacky crap projects that need to be completed and I refused to have anyone over for years after the flood occurred. I finally realized that life is short and friends & family don't give a hoot about your never-ending remodel projects so I started having people over again.
What passes for entertaining these days? I suppose that entertaining now means discussing sleep training with other parents (who may or may not have food in their hair or on their clothes, courtesy of a cranky toddler), juice boxes, kid-friendly snacks, and something easily prepared that the kids will also eat. Yes, parenthood changes everything.
I don't mind most of what I just described, but I balk at the menu. Most kids don't dig haute cuisine and would prefer something along the lines of wieners and fries. That's not exactly something I like and, as a result, I don't often serve up those sorts of meals. My Mom used to say that she wasn't a short-order cook and we could eat whatever it was that she served. I guess her attitude rubbed off on me because I don't prepare separate meals either. I'm lucky that my son isn't a picky eater since I expect him eat what I put in front of him.
We've had family over plenty of times in the two years that my son has been on the planet. We've also had over a few close friends. But, by and large, we really haven't entertained at all since my son arrived.
I'm trying to change that. I've tentatively stepped into the entertaining pool with other parents of toddlers. I was pleasantly surprised at how well an evening went when my house had three mothers and three toddlers. At one point, all three children were busily feeding themselves and the adults were able to actually eat and enjoy a little conversation. I'd wager that the other two mothers were equally surprised at how well the evening went. This experiment emboldened me and I've asked over two other couples and their toddlers for supper.
I've made two wedding celebrations work. I've make beef Wellington on a weeknight. I've hosted parties with myriad cocktails. I roast at least four turkeys every year. I've created countless culinary creations for the delight of my friends and family. I am not afraid of anything related to cooking or entertaining. But I'm terrified to have over two other couples and their children.
What freaks me out the most? The menu. I know that I'm impossibly lucky that my son eats anything that is put in front of him. I think these other two children are good eaters, but you can never predict when a kid will suddenly refuse to eat.
How do I handle fear? I contemplate that which I fear. I know that I need to create a menu that is pleasing to the palates of adults and young children. I know that I need to be mindful of dislikes and allergies. But I also know that I'm a good cook and I know that I'll come up with something tasty.
However, even if dinner is ruined, even if all the kids refuse to eat, even if the kids don't want to share toys, time spent with friends is special. This evening will turn out great no matter what because an evening with friends is always a treat. I'm really looking forward to having a house full of friends in the near future!
The problem is that entertaining has taken on an entirely new meaning for me since becoming a parent. Entertaining used to mean witty repartee between adults, cocktails (lots & lots of cocktails!), lovely hors d'oeuvres, and a delicious meal with a spectacular presentation.
I haven't entertained like that in years. . .at least four years by my calculations. Our house flooded while we were out of town for our anniversary in 2006. You'd think that the house would have been restored by now, wouldn't you? Well, it hasn't been. There are tons of ticky-tacky crap projects that need to be completed and I refused to have anyone over for years after the flood occurred. I finally realized that life is short and friends & family don't give a hoot about your never-ending remodel projects so I started having people over again.
What passes for entertaining these days? I suppose that entertaining now means discussing sleep training with other parents (who may or may not have food in their hair or on their clothes, courtesy of a cranky toddler), juice boxes, kid-friendly snacks, and something easily prepared that the kids will also eat. Yes, parenthood changes everything.
I don't mind most of what I just described, but I balk at the menu. Most kids don't dig haute cuisine and would prefer something along the lines of wieners and fries. That's not exactly something I like and, as a result, I don't often serve up those sorts of meals. My Mom used to say that she wasn't a short-order cook and we could eat whatever it was that she served. I guess her attitude rubbed off on me because I don't prepare separate meals either. I'm lucky that my son isn't a picky eater since I expect him eat what I put in front of him.
We've had family over plenty of times in the two years that my son has been on the planet. We've also had over a few close friends. But, by and large, we really haven't entertained at all since my son arrived.
I'm trying to change that. I've tentatively stepped into the entertaining pool with other parents of toddlers. I was pleasantly surprised at how well an evening went when my house had three mothers and three toddlers. At one point, all three children were busily feeding themselves and the adults were able to actually eat and enjoy a little conversation. I'd wager that the other two mothers were equally surprised at how well the evening went. This experiment emboldened me and I've asked over two other couples and their toddlers for supper.
I've made two wedding celebrations work. I've make beef Wellington on a weeknight. I've hosted parties with myriad cocktails. I roast at least four turkeys every year. I've created countless culinary creations for the delight of my friends and family. I am not afraid of anything related to cooking or entertaining. But I'm terrified to have over two other couples and their children.
What freaks me out the most? The menu. I know that I'm impossibly lucky that my son eats anything that is put in front of him. I think these other two children are good eaters, but you can never predict when a kid will suddenly refuse to eat.
How do I handle fear? I contemplate that which I fear. I know that I need to create a menu that is pleasing to the palates of adults and young children. I know that I need to be mindful of dislikes and allergies. But I also know that I'm a good cook and I know that I'll come up with something tasty.
However, even if dinner is ruined, even if all the kids refuse to eat, even if the kids don't want to share toys, time spent with friends is special. This evening will turn out great no matter what because an evening with friends is always a treat. I'm really looking forward to having a house full of friends in the near future!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Friends Are a Great Blessing
Perhaps I'm just a fairly positive and grateful person, but I like to count my blessings and give thanks often. We say a simple blessing before we eat our meals (Thank you for this bounty, let it be for the nourishment of our bodies, in Jesus' name, amen), I read a book about blessings to my son every night before bed, and I give prayers of thanksgiving every single day. Today I was reminded that good friends are one of God's most delightful blessings.
I'm active in a group of women who became mothers in 2008. After months upon months of suffering the lonely isolation of early motherhood, I joined the group in February 2009. I wish I'd joined far earlier because it would have spared me months of unnecessary pain and sadness.
I didn't know anyone with a baby and I didn't have a good social support network. There were weeks at a time that I didn't even leave the house once. It was a pretty bad time for me. I didn't join this group to find friends for my son, I joined to find friends for me. And, boy, have I found some wonderful friends!
Joining this group of moms helped boost my confidence. It was reassuring to find that I wasn't the only mom to struggle with things like breastfeeding and getting the baby to go to sleep. Knowing that I wasn't the only one struggling made me realize that I was not a failure.
It's a little intimidating to join a new group and I'm a pretty shy person so I dreaded the first few meetups that I attended. I'm thankful that these women were so welcoming and friendly. When I was drowning in new motherhood, they really were a lifeline for me. They've enriched my life in countless ways over the 18-months that I've been a member of this group.
I was so isolated and unsure of myself when I spent all those lonely months at home without companions. We really do need relationships and the joy of having such close friends. I feel closer to some of these moms than I do to members of my own family. That's not a slam against my family members, it's a compliment to these friends.
I know that around ten members of this group read this blog and I want you to know that I love you guys. Here's to many more years of friendship!
I'm active in a group of women who became mothers in 2008. After months upon months of suffering the lonely isolation of early motherhood, I joined the group in February 2009. I wish I'd joined far earlier because it would have spared me months of unnecessary pain and sadness.
I didn't know anyone with a baby and I didn't have a good social support network. There were weeks at a time that I didn't even leave the house once. It was a pretty bad time for me. I didn't join this group to find friends for my son, I joined to find friends for me. And, boy, have I found some wonderful friends!
Joining this group of moms helped boost my confidence. It was reassuring to find that I wasn't the only mom to struggle with things like breastfeeding and getting the baby to go to sleep. Knowing that I wasn't the only one struggling made me realize that I was not a failure.
It's a little intimidating to join a new group and I'm a pretty shy person so I dreaded the first few meetups that I attended. I'm thankful that these women were so welcoming and friendly. When I was drowning in new motherhood, they really were a lifeline for me. They've enriched my life in countless ways over the 18-months that I've been a member of this group.
I was so isolated and unsure of myself when I spent all those lonely months at home without companions. We really do need relationships and the joy of having such close friends. I feel closer to some of these moms than I do to members of my own family. That's not a slam against my family members, it's a compliment to these friends.
I know that around ten members of this group read this blog and I want you to know that I love you guys. Here's to many more years of friendship!
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