Another Dream, Another Name

I hesitate to write this post, but I can't contain it any longer.  I had a dream two days ago, but not just any dream.  I had a name dream.  As in a name dream like the one I had toward the end of last November.  Yeah.

That dream last November filled me with ridiculous hope and for good reason.  I actually was already pregnant when I had the dream.  In fact, I was so newly pregnant that I couldn't even take a pregnancy test yet and hope to get any results. 

In the dream I had two days ago, someone handed me what looked like a blank sheet of paper.  I looked at the paper and suddenly realized that a name was written on it.  It was written in my own script.  I was puzzled because I hadn't written the name (indeed, I don't think I've ever written that name in my life) and I looked up to ask what this was about.  That's when I sat up in bed. 

Sounds easy, right?  I suppose so, but when I woke up, I had an entirely different name in my head.  So I guess you could say that two names were given to me in this dream.

I don't think this means that twins are in my future, but I do think that I dreamed the first and middle names of the next (and likely last) child I have.  I only base that on the syllables contained in the two names.  I'm fond of the 3-2-1 syllable flow and that's part of the reason why I agonized over coming up with my son's name.  Well, I just dreamed a 3-2-1 syllable flow that will make it plenty easy to name my next baby.  So easy that it's already done!

Do I sound convinced that I'll be having another baby?  I am.  As with the dream last November, I believe this dream is telling me that I will fall pregnant again and that I will have another baby.  So here's to enjoying the journey along the way!

So What Was The Name?

I'm kinda tired tonight, so I'll just write a quick post about this baby's name.  Don't worry though because this isn't a tear-jerker.  As I said yesterday, I feel okay with what has happened.  I'm not turning cartwheels or anything, but I am okay.

* * *

Emmanuelle - Hebrew (feminized French) - God is with us

Suzanne - Hebrew (feminized French) - Lily

* * *

I don't share the name of my babies until they are born and, since my baby is gone, I don't see the harm in sharing the name.  I mean, it isn't like I'd recycle this baby's name for any other baby I may have in the future.  Though I was fairly certain that I'd have a boy, the name that came to me in a dream the day after implantation was a feminized version of the name Emmanuel. 

So I knew that Emmanuelle was the baby's first name and I knew without looking it up that the name means God is with us.  And He is.  Even with everything that has happened, I know that He is.  He's with us in joy and He's with us in sorrow.  This pregnancy and this loss has served to highlight that very fact in a real and meaningful fashion.

But I struggled with the middle name.  I kept trying to feminize my husband's first name and only came up with one version and the resulting full name didn't have a pleasant flow of syllables.  Around a month ago I came up with the idea to use one of my names and I liked the way the names easily rolled off my tongue when spoken.

I had never looked up the meaning of the name Suzanne and I sat stunned when I read the meaning a couple of weeks ago.  Suzanne means lily.  Oh geez, of course it does. 

I always thought lilies were pretty flowers, but never gave them much thought.  Orchids are my favorites, carnations are cheap, and roses get all the glory.  Then I attended my brother's service and I developed a very definite opinion on lilies.

There were many lovely floral arrangements and it seems that the cloying scent of lilies permeated the air, making the room feel smaller than it really was.  I've remarked many times over the last several months that I will gladly live the rest of my life without smelling another lily again because now it is a flower I'll always associate with death.

And I unknowingly gave this baby a name that means lily.  Life is damn strange sometimes, isn't it?

* * *

My darling babe, Emmanuelle Suzanne, has been nestled in God's loving arms for more than two-weeks.  Now she has been released from my body.  And I was ready to let her go.

What's In a Name?

I tried in vain for a nap yesterday afternoon.  My son had other ideas and he protested his nap long enough that I eventually gave up on one for myself.  He, however, did fall asleep shortly after I left my bedroom.  That figures, right?

I had an interesting dream in the few minutes that I drifted somewhere been sleep and wakefulness.  Well, it wasn't exactly a dream.  A name came to me.  It was very clear to me that this is the name that I should give my next child.

When I was totally awake, I was filled with joy.  Call me crazy if you want, but I'd been feeling doubtful that I would have another baby and now I am sure that I will because I believe that God has already named this child for me.  I'm as sure of this as I am that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West.

When I was pregnant with my son, I agonized over his name.  As is my typical way of doing things, I over thought the process and spent weeks coming up a name that had the perfect meaning and that flowed pleasantly when spoken, but that didn't spell anything funny when represented by only initials.  Add in that I wanted to include a family name and perhaps you can understand why it was so difficult.  I do love my son's full name, so I think I did a pretty good job.

This name that came to me yesterday isn't a name that I would ever consider.  It's not a bad name or anything, it just wouldn't occur to me to choose it.  I already knew the meaning of this name, but I looked it up anyway to be sure.  See what I mean about overdoing everything?  Anyway, I cried when I read the meaning because I think this is the most perfect name and there is no way I could have come up with it on my own.  God will give me another baby and He has already named this child.

If you are a parent, how did you come up the names of your children?  Did you use a family name?  A popular name?  Or did you just make one up?  Was the meaning important to you?

Am I a European-North American-American?

It is well known throughout the Western world that nothing brings out the crazies more than discussing the subject of race. So why am I going to discuss it? I guess because I'm feeling a reckless today.

I'm just going to come right out and say this: Race is a useless designation.

We are all homo sapiens. Classifying ourselves by race does nothing but divide us into subgroups. When we are divided, we cannot be united. I say that is unnecessary to classify individuals by race and it is frequently used to justify all sorts of hate and xenophobia. History is on my side here because race has been used as an excuse for all sorts of disgusting and deplorable behavior throughout the ages.

Since race designations aren't likely to be going away anytime soon, I suppose I better get on the race train and determine which group I belong to. Though "white" is sometimes used as a designation, it isn't really a race. Frankly, I've decided that I no longer want to be called "white" anymore because I'm not even actually the color white. I think only albinos and that dude from the movie Powder can really be considered the color white. It's more accurate to call me "peachy-yellow-cream with a tiny bit of tan" because that's closer to my actual color. Eh, that's kind of a mouthful and probably too hard to remember so I better come up with some other term, hopefully an actual race, to categorize myself.

Though classifying humans by race has fallen out of favor in anthropological circles, anthropologists used to break the human race down into five main categories: Australoid, Capoid, Caucasoid, Mongoloid, and Negroid. I don't particularly care if I'm called a Caucasoid - even if it does sound like it's dookie from outer space. But I have a feeling that at least two of those tags would be considered offensive. So scratch that because we all should be using the same system to define ourselves.

How about using ancestry? Everyone has a country, or countries, of heritage. Based on my lineage, I am a German, Scottish, Irish, English, Indian -um, I mean Native American, and Dutch person. Meh. It doesn't roll off the tongue easily either. My ancestry is also from Europe and North America. How about calling me a European-North American-American? I like it, even if it isn't exactly correct because my lineage is not from every country on both continents. Unfortunately, these two terms don't really work either because nationality and ethnicity are not the same as race.

I guess that I just want to be called by my given name - MrsHashBrown to the readers of this blog. If you absolutely must put me in a racial category, just say I'm part of the Human Race.