The last couple of weeks have been quite the emotional and physical roller coaster. I haven't come right out and written what it is that I'm so happy about, but I trust that the readers can accurately guess. Several friends who read this blog contacted me for confirmation a week or so ago so I guess it's pretty obvious. I wrote about joy & fear the day after I found out and I've been trying to reign in both emotions. Well, the fear is here now in full force.
I've been excessively concerned about a certain something that I've been experiencing and my doctor suggested that we should investigate a little further to see what's going on so he ordered a couple of tests for me. I had some lab work done this morning and the results are interesting. I hesitate to say they look great, but they certainly don't look bad at this point. Indeed, the numbers look better now than they have looked for me previously. Unfortunately, these results don't offer a complete picture and I'll return for more labs on Friday or Saturday. I know from painful experience that the worst can still happen even if those second labs come back looking fantastic.
I heard the CSN song "Helplessly Hoping" while I was driving to the medical office this morning and the title sums up how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm praying that my great fear will not come to pass and that my greatest hope will. All I can do is hope and pray for the desired outcome sometime around the end of this year.
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Another Dream, Another Name
I hesitate to write this post, but I can't contain it any longer. I had a dream two days ago, but not just any dream. I had a name dream. As in a name dream like the one I had toward the end of last November. Yeah.
That dream last November filled me with ridiculous hope and for good reason. I actually was already pregnant when I had the dream. In fact, I was so newly pregnant that I couldn't even take a pregnancy test yet and hope to get any results.
In the dream I had two days ago, someone handed me what looked like a blank sheet of paper. I looked at the paper and suddenly realized that a name was written on it. It was written in my own script. I was puzzled because I hadn't written the name (indeed, I don't think I've ever written that name in my life) and I looked up to ask what this was about. That's when I sat up in bed.
Sounds easy, right? I suppose so, but when I woke up, I had an entirely different name in my head. So I guess you could say that two names were given to me in this dream.
I don't think this means that twins are in my future, but I do think that I dreamed the first and middle names of the next (and likely last) child I have. I only base that on the syllables contained in the two names. I'm fond of the 3-2-1 syllable flow and that's part of the reason why I agonized over coming up with my son's name. Well, I just dreamed a 3-2-1 syllable flow that will make it plenty easy to name my next baby. So easy that it's already done!
Do I sound convinced that I'll be having another baby? I am. As with the dream last November, I believe this dream is telling me that I will fall pregnant again and that I will have another baby. So here's to enjoying the journey along the way!
That dream last November filled me with ridiculous hope and for good reason. I actually was already pregnant when I had the dream. In fact, I was so newly pregnant that I couldn't even take a pregnancy test yet and hope to get any results.
In the dream I had two days ago, someone handed me what looked like a blank sheet of paper. I looked at the paper and suddenly realized that a name was written on it. It was written in my own script. I was puzzled because I hadn't written the name (indeed, I don't think I've ever written that name in my life) and I looked up to ask what this was about. That's when I sat up in bed.
Sounds easy, right? I suppose so, but when I woke up, I had an entirely different name in my head. So I guess you could say that two names were given to me in this dream.
I don't think this means that twins are in my future, but I do think that I dreamed the first and middle names of the next (and likely last) child I have. I only base that on the syllables contained in the two names. I'm fond of the 3-2-1 syllable flow and that's part of the reason why I agonized over coming up with my son's name. Well, I just dreamed a 3-2-1 syllable flow that will make it plenty easy to name my next baby. So easy that it's already done!
Do I sound convinced that I'll be having another baby? I am. As with the dream last November, I believe this dream is telling me that I will fall pregnant again and that I will have another baby. So here's to enjoying the journey along the way!
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Waiting is Nearly Over
Update on the subject of yesterday's post: My friend's little boy has significantly improved and is home with the family. Thank you for your prayers and well-wishes.
My dreaded doctor's appointment is scheduled for tomorrow. I don't exactly know what to say, what outcome to hope for, what to pray about with regard to my present situation. Whatever is to be already is and nothing I say or do will change that.
I still haven't passed my baby. It's been over two-weeks and I still haven't passed the baby. It's pure torture to know that it's still there, but not living. It boggles my mind that my body won't just release it so I can begin to move on and heal. I never thought it would take so long to complete this miscarriage. I was sure that it would be over within days of that ER visit. . .that ER visit that seems like it was a hundred-years ago.
The cruelty of the situation is that, in the absence of any fetal tissue passing, I'm still hopeful that the ER was wrong. My fondest hope is that my OB will announce that my baby still has a perfectly strong heartbeat and everything looks okay. I dream about it sometimes and wake up with tears of joy, only to realize it's just a dream and my joyful tears turn to sadness.
I've stopped saying aloud that I'm holding out hope for a miracle because the pity in people's eyes is just too hard for me to see. And, if it's not pity, it's the way people awkwardly look away and avoid my gaze. Look, I know it's crazy. I'm fully aware that I don't sound rational about this. I just can't give up hope until it's abundantly clear that all hope is lost. I know, I know, three ultrasounds should be proof enough. But it isn't enough proof for me - not yet, not now.
I have a feeling that my OB will strongly suggest that I consider the D & C at this point. I feel like I should have known it would come to this; I really should have known. I can't possibly explain why I am so reluctant to go that route, but trust that it is absolutely the most emotionally painful option for me. It's been days since I've cried, but I began crying when I was talking about it last night. I hope that I can remain stoic and simply nod my head in front of the doctor because I know that I'll end up a blubbering mess if I try to explain why I do not want this procedure.
No matter what happens, I guess the waiting is nearly over. I suppose it doesn't really matter whether I pass the baby naturally or whether I allow a doctor to put me under general, dilate my cervix, and scrape my baby's pitiful remains from my womb. The end result is the same and I'll ache over this loss with either method of removal, but I know that healing can't possibly begin to happen until it's over. And, if there is one thing I want right now, it's to move on and heal.
* * *
My dreaded doctor's appointment is scheduled for tomorrow. I don't exactly know what to say, what outcome to hope for, what to pray about with regard to my present situation. Whatever is to be already is and nothing I say or do will change that.
I still haven't passed my baby. It's been over two-weeks and I still haven't passed the baby. It's pure torture to know that it's still there, but not living. It boggles my mind that my body won't just release it so I can begin to move on and heal. I never thought it would take so long to complete this miscarriage. I was sure that it would be over within days of that ER visit. . .that ER visit that seems like it was a hundred-years ago.
The cruelty of the situation is that, in the absence of any fetal tissue passing, I'm still hopeful that the ER was wrong. My fondest hope is that my OB will announce that my baby still has a perfectly strong heartbeat and everything looks okay. I dream about it sometimes and wake up with tears of joy, only to realize it's just a dream and my joyful tears turn to sadness.
I've stopped saying aloud that I'm holding out hope for a miracle because the pity in people's eyes is just too hard for me to see. And, if it's not pity, it's the way people awkwardly look away and avoid my gaze. Look, I know it's crazy. I'm fully aware that I don't sound rational about this. I just can't give up hope until it's abundantly clear that all hope is lost. I know, I know, three ultrasounds should be proof enough. But it isn't enough proof for me - not yet, not now.
I have a feeling that my OB will strongly suggest that I consider the D & C at this point. I feel like I should have known it would come to this; I really should have known. I can't possibly explain why I am so reluctant to go that route, but trust that it is absolutely the most emotionally painful option for me. It's been days since I've cried, but I began crying when I was talking about it last night. I hope that I can remain stoic and simply nod my head in front of the doctor because I know that I'll end up a blubbering mess if I try to explain why I do not want this procedure.
No matter what happens, I guess the waiting is nearly over. I suppose it doesn't really matter whether I pass the baby naturally or whether I allow a doctor to put me under general, dilate my cervix, and scrape my baby's pitiful remains from my womb. The end result is the same and I'll ache over this loss with either method of removal, but I know that healing can't possibly begin to happen until it's over. And, if there is one thing I want right now, it's to move on and heal.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Prayers for a Friend's Baby
Thanks to Facebook, I've learned that a friend's little one has been in the hospital since yesterday. We've been friends since the 9th grade and he has a lovely wife and two wonderful boys. His youngest son is under one and he has to spend another night in CHOC. The poor little guy has RSV and he's really having a hard time.
I can't imagine how frightened my friend and his wife must feel. Oh, how my heart hurts for the entire family! I'm asking you to please join me in praying for this little one's health to be restored quickly and for his parents to feel God's peaceful presence during this stressful time. I know that God does hear our prayers and I hope to have a good update to report tomorrow.
Give thanks and rejoice if your children are in good health and sleeping under your own roof tonight.
I can't imagine how frightened my friend and his wife must feel. Oh, how my heart hurts for the entire family! I'm asking you to please join me in praying for this little one's health to be restored quickly and for his parents to feel God's peaceful presence during this stressful time. I know that God does hear our prayers and I hope to have a good update to report tomorrow.
Give thanks and rejoice if your children are in good health and sleeping under your own roof tonight.
Monday, November 22, 2010
What's In a Name?
I tried in vain for a nap yesterday afternoon. My son had other ideas and he protested his nap long enough that I eventually gave up on one for myself. He, however, did fall asleep shortly after I left my bedroom. That figures, right?
I had an interesting dream in the few minutes that I drifted somewhere been sleep and wakefulness. Well, it wasn't exactly a dream. A name came to me. It was very clear to me that this is the name that I should give my next child.
When I was totally awake, I was filled with joy. Call me crazy if you want, but I'd been feeling doubtful that I would have another baby and now I am sure that I will because I believe that God has already named this child for me. I'm as sure of this as I am that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West.
When I was pregnant with my son, I agonized over his name. As is my typical way of doing things, I over thought the process and spent weeks coming up a name that had the perfect meaning and that flowed pleasantly when spoken, but that didn't spell anything funny when represented by only initials. Add in that I wanted to include a family name and perhaps you can understand why it was so difficult. I do love my son's full name, so I think I did a pretty good job.
This name that came to me yesterday isn't a name that I would ever consider. It's not a bad name or anything, it just wouldn't occur to me to choose it. I already knew the meaning of this name, but I looked it up anyway to be sure. See what I mean about overdoing everything? Anyway, I cried when I read the meaning because I think this is the most perfect name and there is no way I could have come up with it on my own. God will give me another baby and He has already named this child.
If you are a parent, how did you come up the names of your children? Did you use a family name? A popular name? Or did you just make one up? Was the meaning important to you?
I had an interesting dream in the few minutes that I drifted somewhere been sleep and wakefulness. Well, it wasn't exactly a dream. A name came to me. It was very clear to me that this is the name that I should give my next child.
When I was totally awake, I was filled with joy. Call me crazy if you want, but I'd been feeling doubtful that I would have another baby and now I am sure that I will because I believe that God has already named this child for me. I'm as sure of this as I am that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West.
When I was pregnant with my son, I agonized over his name. As is my typical way of doing things, I over thought the process and spent weeks coming up a name that had the perfect meaning and that flowed pleasantly when spoken, but that didn't spell anything funny when represented by only initials. Add in that I wanted to include a family name and perhaps you can understand why it was so difficult. I do love my son's full name, so I think I did a pretty good job.
This name that came to me yesterday isn't a name that I would ever consider. It's not a bad name or anything, it just wouldn't occur to me to choose it. I already knew the meaning of this name, but I looked it up anyway to be sure. See what I mean about overdoing everything? Anyway, I cried when I read the meaning because I think this is the most perfect name and there is no way I could have come up with it on my own. God will give me another baby and He has already named this child.
If you are a parent, how did you come up the names of your children? Did you use a family name? A popular name? Or did you just make one up? Was the meaning important to you?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
URGENT REQUEST
I had a post ready to go for today, but I'm making an urgent prayer request instead.
I know that I've called for a lot of prayers this year: a total of six surgeries have been endured by two family members, one loved one has successfully fought back from two near-death situations, and I've attended five funerals. It's an understatement to say that it's been a tough year. . .it has been shockingly difficult.
My only brother is in a very bad way right now and is currently in surgery. It is absolutely a life or death situation. Please pray for my brother today, right now. Pray for the surgical team, pray for his body to be healed, and pray for a complication-free recovery. Additionally, pray that his entire family (but especially his wife, four children, and two step-children) is comforted and feel at peace during this crisis.
I know God hears our prayers, He really does. He has heard and answered so many of them this year. I'm begging, begging for you to pray for my brother's life.
I know that I've called for a lot of prayers this year: a total of six surgeries have been endured by two family members, one loved one has successfully fought back from two near-death situations, and I've attended five funerals. It's an understatement to say that it's been a tough year. . .it has been shockingly difficult.
My only brother is in a very bad way right now and is currently in surgery. It is absolutely a life or death situation. Please pray for my brother today, right now. Pray for the surgical team, pray for his body to be healed, and pray for a complication-free recovery. Additionally, pray that his entire family (but especially his wife, four children, and two step-children) is comforted and feel at peace during this crisis.
I know God hears our prayers, He really does. He has heard and answered so many of them this year. I'm begging, begging for you to pray for my brother's life.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Family is a Gift
I'm exhausted. My pastor's sermon this morning left me feeling spiritually refreshed, but I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. The wonderful thing about feeling spiritually healthy is that I feel great, even though I am ridiculously tired.
We had family over today for a visit and supper. I wasn't sure how the dining arrangements would work out, but I was actually able to fit ten people around my dining room table. Everyone seemed to like dinner and I think that a fun time was had by all. My son certainly had a blast playing with his cousins, but he fell asleep before we had cake for dessert. I felt so bad for the little guy because, thanks to the many birthday parties he's been attending lately, he'd been asking for cake all day long.
Family is a gift. For a moment, when we were gathered around the table, I felt absolute bliss and all was right in my world. Breathing in, breathing out, hearing the rhythm of my heart, and feeling the love. The roar of a million thoughts racing through my head was quieted and I was able to simply exist and enjoy the moment.
I'm kicking myself right now because I meant to take some photos today. I didn't think about it earlier because I was so busy making sure that everything came out right. Dangit! I hope to have another opportunity to snap some family pix before too long.
Tomorrow is a big day for the family. Those of you who know me well know what I mean. Please pray for a successful procedure and recovery with no complications.
By the way, I still don't have a clear-cut answer to my question. . .
We had family over today for a visit and supper. I wasn't sure how the dining arrangements would work out, but I was actually able to fit ten people around my dining room table. Everyone seemed to like dinner and I think that a fun time was had by all. My son certainly had a blast playing with his cousins, but he fell asleep before we had cake for dessert. I felt so bad for the little guy because, thanks to the many birthday parties he's been attending lately, he'd been asking for cake all day long.
Family is a gift. For a moment, when we were gathered around the table, I felt absolute bliss and all was right in my world. Breathing in, breathing out, hearing the rhythm of my heart, and feeling the love. The roar of a million thoughts racing through my head was quieted and I was able to simply exist and enjoy the moment.
I'm kicking myself right now because I meant to take some photos today. I didn't think about it earlier because I was so busy making sure that everything came out right. Dangit! I hope to have another opportunity to snap some family pix before too long.
Tomorrow is a big day for the family. Those of you who know me well know what I mean. Please pray for a successful procedure and recovery with no complications.
By the way, I still don't have a clear-cut answer to my question. . .
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A Friend Nears the End
Months ago I requested prayers for a young mother. She has a six-year old daughter and she had just delivered her preemie son. The pregnancy stressed her body to the extreme. She ultimately ended up waiting for a heart transplant. This was several months ago. Her survival back then was nothing short of miraculous. Seriously.
I'm sad to report that she has taken a turn for the worst. This week she suffered a brain hemorrhage and is currently in a coma. Her family is understandably devastated.
If you pray, please pray for this family. We're seeking another miracle. A miracle that only God can grant.
I'm sad to report that she has taken a turn for the worst. This week she suffered a brain hemorrhage and is currently in a coma. Her family is understandably devastated.
If you pray, please pray for this family. We're seeking another miracle. A miracle that only God can grant.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
What a Day!
My father is significantly better today than he was yesterday. I left the hospital in tears yesterday because I truly feared for his life. I have never seen a human sport a grey complexion and live longer than a couple of days.
His color is much improved. A little pale, but much improved. His attitude is better and he seems to have more life today. I feel so encouraged by his progress and I pray for his continued healing.
My father is only 65-years old. He has six children. Seventeen grandchildren. He and my mother will celebrate their 29th anniversary this December; my sister and I were in their wedding ceremony. He is a reasonably young man and he is well-loved by his family. I know that God holds my father in His hands, but it is too soon for us to let him go. I ask all of you to pray for him. I believe that God hears our pleas; please pray for my father today.
His color is much improved. A little pale, but much improved. His attitude is better and he seems to have more life today. I feel so encouraged by his progress and I pray for his continued healing.
My father is only 65-years old. He has six children. Seventeen grandchildren. He and my mother will celebrate their 29th anniversary this December; my sister and I were in their wedding ceremony. He is a reasonably young man and he is well-loved by his family. I know that God holds my father in His hands, but it is too soon for us to let him go. I ask all of you to pray for him. I believe that God hears our pleas; please pray for my father today.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
It's Been a Terrible Day
I spent the day at the hospital. My father was re-admitted last night. He'll be having additional surgery this evening. I don't really have anything to say other than I hope and pray that he'll be okay. I know that many of you are also praying on his behalf and I truly appreciate your care.
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