Prayers for a Friend & Her Baby

I'm soliciting prayers tonight for a dear friend who some readers know very well.  She's one of the wonderful ladies who watched my son when I had to leave him to go to New Jersey last year for my brother's funeral.  She not only volunteered to watch my rambunctious lil' guy, but she also sent a delicious supper home with him that night so my hubs didn't have to worry about food prep.  I might also add that she works from home and has children of her own!  I often think that SuperMom's secret identity has been revealed when I see her making it all work while maintaining her sanity and good humor.

She's a little less than four-weeks from her estimated due date and she's been monitored in the hospital while on bedrest for the last several days.  Her amniotic fluid levels are a bit lower than expected and there is concern that her placenta shows a lot of calcification.  Adding to her worries is that she has Gestational Diabetes and they are having trouble keeping her blood sugar stabilized each evening.  Thankfully, her baby isn't showing any signs of distress.

She's understandably upset and missing her family.  The entire family is lovely and she has such a genuinely kind heart.  Her last blog post illustrated her fears and sadness, leaving me in tears over the entire situation.

Please join me in praying for her physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health during this trying time.  Ask for blessings on the sweet little babe still in her womb.  Lift her entire family up in prayer as this separation and uncertainty is so very hard on them.  God hears our prayers and remember that supplication will bless your own heart too.

Advanced Maternal Age - WTF?!

I think we all can agree that I'm somewhat vain about my age.  How vain?  I understand that about a year ago several of my friends each thought I was a different age because it's the one thing that I am consistently dishonest about.  So this blog post is a big deal to me because I'm copping to my real age rather than a sorta true-ish range because my age is central to the theme of this post.

I'm 35-years old and I will be 36-years old when this baby is born.

Oh sh*t, did you feel that?  I think Earth just spun off it's axis.  Even nature is freaked out that I put my age in print for all 19 blog Followers to discover.  Speaking of which. . .I lost one Follower recently so would you consider "following" me to make up for it??

Yeah, so I'm 35-years old and pregnant.  What does that mean?  Beyond the obvious answer (which is decreasing fertility, making it more difficult to get knocked up than when you're in your early- to mid-20s), it means that I get a special label in the medical community. 

What special label has been bestowed upon me?  Is it Best Wife & Mother of All Time?  No, though my husband and son both can feel free to think that on their own.  Am I called Super Cervix in honor of my body part that is apparently the least likely to dilate when definitely necessary?  No and I can tell you that it is the worst super power ever!  What label is found right there in my medical chart?  What label could cause me to to bristle whenever I see it?

Advanced Maternal Age. 

Advanced Maternal Age?  Seriously?  ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE?!  Advanced!  I'm 35, not fifty-freaking-five!

Perhaps I'm just sensitive, but advanced maternal age sounds like I'm a grey-haired old hag on Social Security who's going to go straight from my wheelchair to the delivery room.  It makes it sound like people aren't sure who's diapers should be checked first, the baby's or mine.  It sounds like I'm so ridiculously old to have a baby that it requires a freaking label.  Oh, wait. . .

Okay, okay, so I do have grey hair, but come on.  Surely I can't be the only one who thinks this label is a bunch of crap!  Yes, I'm serious and I'll refrain from calling you Shirley. . .why, yes, I did just shoe-horn an Airplane! reference in there.

Is there an upside to being labeled with advanced maternal age?  Uh, that depends on your definition of "upside."  I don't generally consider extra doctor visits, additional labs & ultrasounds, and an increased risk of birth defects to be upsides so I'm just not seeing the benefits to this label at this time.  Of course, I'm not saying that I don't see the benefits of the pregnancy because obviously there's a huge benefit at the end of the line.  It's just the label that aggravates me.

Thanks to my advanced maternal age, I had seven or eight vials of blood drawn today.  It's not so bad (as I told my little boy who was in tow) and it's kinda nice that there's a good, better, & best of diagnostics so it's not just a choice between amniocentesis and getting a surprise at the end of the 40-weeks.  I will have another set of blood work done in the second trimester and I'm scheduled for a nuchal translucency ultrasound (also called an NT scan) next Friday.  This screening doesn't definitively say anything, it just indicates if there is a tendency toward certain abnormalities.  The results will be helpful in deciding if I want to have any further diagnostics performed.

I didn't go with chorionic villus sampling (CVS) because it's an invasive test (like amnio) and it's not like I'm going to abort this baby anyway so I didn't see the point in doing an in-depth and invasive test in the first trimester.  I think that choosing amniocentesis right off the bat is overkill at age 35, considering the risk of miscarriage associated with amnio is about the same as the risk of having a child with genetic defect at this age.  I do see a value in being prepared and doing research if it's revealed that there is a possibility that my baby has certain defects so I'm not saying that I wouldn't choose to have further testing performed if the screening I'm having performed indicates that my baby may have certain defects.  I'm just saying that there's no big rush since it's not like I'm going to go abort my baby if a defect is revealed.

As a weird side note, someone told me that they thought getting the most in-depth diagnostics performed is the way to go because it's so sad that babies are born with defects like Down Syndrome so getting the information beforehand could allow for termination.  I was stunned at the statement because it basically was saying that people with genetic defects are better off dead.  That sounds suspiciously like Nazi talk to me and I forced myself to remain calm while I responded that I found it so sad that a mother would voluntarily stop her child's beating heart simply because the child didn't fit some definition of perfection. 

I used to think that people took out their brains when talking with pregnant women, but now I'm sure of it.  Hey, looks like increased wisdom has come with my advanced maternal age!

So What Do You Call It?

I love words, but sometimes I'm unsure what words to use.  Case in point, what to call sexy parts when you have a toddler.  I'm on the fence on the issue and still not entirely comfortable with how I've chosen to handle the situation because I haven't exactly answered his question.

Penis and vagina may be technically correct terms, but they're so clinical-sounding and I'm not one to generally use such accurate language in everyday conversation.  My favorite names for genitals aren't appropriate for a toddler to use so I settled on calling my son's penis a "wiener" early on.  Wiener is such a fun word, totally neutral and almost universally liked.

I know that some parents will think I'm doing him a disservice by not using the proper term, but I don't care that he calls it a wiener.  I mean, we also call the lower abdomen a tummy or a belly when the stomach is not exactly in that area (it's more like intestines & reproductive organs) so it's not like we always use the most accurate term for human anatomy.  I don't see why I should a stickler for penis (hehe) if I'm not with other body parts.  And I'll bet that even the most penisy and vaginey parents are guilty not always using the correct term for every body part.  Specifically, most of them use the word vagina incorrectly whether they realize it or not. 

I have trouble with what to call girly bits.  As I stated above, my normal words for that part of my anatomy would probably cause some women to curl their toes.  Vulva is the obvious choice since it does, in fact, refer to the exterior area of a woman's nether regions.  I've thought about "vadge" as it is half of the name for the immediate interior of my lady parts and vagina is widely, though erroneously, used as the blanket term for the general vicinity. 

Why does this come up?  Well, because he still does occasionally see me undressed and he's asked, "What's that?"  My answer has been a simple, "It's Mama's."  Sometimes I'll just say, "Pubic hair," as that's technically what he's pointing at and, so far, that seems to satisfy his question. 

What do you call male and female genitalia when talking with toddlers?  Why did you choose the words you chose?

Children and Grief

I recently read a blog post about children and grief.  Naturally, it stimulated painful memories and I couldn't help but think of the grief my son was exposed to after I lost my brother and then again four months later when I lost my baby.  It's not something that most people think about and in an ideal world it wouldn't be necessary, but sometimes we do need to address loss and grief to young children.  

My 41-year old brother died unexpectedly in September. We’d always been close and I can say that I felt the death of my sibling so much deeper than other losses I've known. As I've said over and over again, you expect the old-ish and the ill to pass away, but you don't expect to lose your healthy siblings.  Losing a sibling so suddenly really makes you realize that your days are numbered too and that any of us can go at any time.  You can kiss your spouse goodbye in the morning and never make it home for supper that evening. . .

It was a horrible several months and the horror continued when I lost my long-desired pregnancy in January – four months to the day that I lost my only brother. I’m sorry that my young son has had to witness the depth of my anguish and my heart aches to think of the suffering he's seen at such a tender age, but I thought that it would be wrong to pretend that everything was okay when it most definitely was not. I know that some people thought that I shouldn’t expose a toddler to grief and I stuck with my own instincts, which were that death and grief are just part of life. Besides, I can attest that burying negative or painful feelings only works so long before they manifest in far more damaging ways.

My son just turned three and he sometimes talks about his Uncle and, more rarely, “The Baby.” He knows that they were here, but that they are gone now. We are Christians so heaven, Jesus, and God factor in my explanation and he understands that we won’t see them until we’re there too.  I can't stop myself from adding that it will be a long, long time from now.

I think it's important that children, even young children, know when losses occur that grief is the natural result. I'm still baffled that people thought I was wrong in letting my son know that my brother had died or that I had lost my pregnancy. What was I supposed to do? Pretend that they weren't gone? Ignore that they ever existed? Grief sucks, oh it does suck, but it is a part of life and ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

Was I wrong to let him know about death and grief? I don’t know, but the flip side is that one day soon I'll feel comfortable sharing with him that a new life is coming too. . .my estimated due date is the one-year anniversary of the day I lost my last baby. Life is darn funny sometimes, isn’t it?

Mandatory Pertussis Vaccine in California

This post was inspired by and mostly taken from a thread that was started from a friend's FB status.  She wanted to know how others felt about the mandatory pertussis booster requirement to be in California public schools.  I know I'm a hippie, but I've always made myself very clear on the topic of vaccines in this blog and in other venues.  Indeed, I feel the need to educate others by any means necessary to get the message across that vaccines are vitally important.

I've come to the conclusion that most people grossly misunderstand vaccines.  They either think that it's not necessary because the illnesses prevented "aren't that big of a deal" or they think that it isn't necessary to expose their children to "toxins" because enough other people vaccinate their kids.  How do I feel on the mandatory pertussis vaccine requirement in public schools?  Come on, can't you guess?

I am strongly libertarian.  That is, I strongly believe in individual rights and would prefer to live with very little interference or so-called assistance from the government.  Certainly much less interference/assistance than is currently experienced in modern US society.

I chafe under many government-mandated requirements.  It seems that a day doesn't go by that I'm shaking my tiny fist of impotent rage at some dumb requirement that the government has determined is necessary.  Seatbelts, carseats, and helmets are but three examples of requirements that I think are ridiculous.  Understand that I'm not saying that I wouldn't use them if it weren't the law (actually, I wouldn't put a helmet on my son when he's on a bicycle if I had a choice), but I am irritated that the govt says you HAVE to use these safeguards. 

I'm further irritated when the government has safeguards in place to protect the individual, but not society at large.  Choosing not to vaccinate has far worse implications and can injure far more than just the one refusing the vaccine whereas choosing not to use a seatbelt (in the event of an accident) only can injure the one refusing to use it.  Yet, somehow, the government is more concerned about the health of the individual versus the health of society.  Does that make sense?

I think this analogy illustrates my thoughts on vaccines in general:  You certainly have the right to swing your fist to and fro.  However, your right to swing your fist ends at my face.  You have the right to willfully choose to do things that could be damaging to yourself or your children.  However, your right to do those things (or, more accurately, refuse those things), ends when it can be damaging to me or my children.  And, make no mistake, refusing vaccinations has the potential to impact more than just those who refuse.

Of course, it is only my opinion that vaccines should be mandatory for even enrolling in school.  We all know what they say about opinions, right?  An uninformed opinion is like a sapling, it bends in whichever direction the strongest wind is blowing, so I am going to offer up the actual reasons why I have an opinion that so wildly is at odds with my personal political philosophy.

* * *

Let's look briefly at how vaccines work.  First, it's important to realize and accept that there is no vaccine that has 100% efficacy rates.  That means that even one who has received all of their shots still has a chance (slim, but it's there) of getting the illness they were vaccinated against. Generally speaking, it's a much milder case, but the risk is still there.

Also, it's important to realize that vaccines work on the premise of herd immunity.  If everyone were vaccinated against an illness, it would cease to exist.  Think I'm just making that up?  The very last known case of smallpox was in 1977.  How did smallpox get wiped off the face of the Earth?  Through a massive world-wide vaccination campaign.  Smallpox was only eradicated by 100% herd immunity! 

The flip side to the awesomeness that is herd immunity is that once we get a certain percentage of people not vaccinated, watch out!

On vaccines in general, I kinda think they have worked altogether too well. No one remembers a time when people (often children) where stricken, disfigured, crippled, or killed from what are now pretty much entirely preventable diseases. Or a time when most families had at least one child who was injured or died from an illness that we have the ability to prevent today!

Even illnesses that aren't generally thought to be a big deal can absolutely be a big deal.  Take chicken pox.  I know someone who won't vax their child against chicken pox because "it's no big deal." I guess she's never known anyone who was left with a scarred up face from it or, worse, someone who has died from it/it's accompanying fever. On varicella (the virus that causes chicken pox), most people don't realize that you are NEVER totally free from the virus because it lives dormant in your nervous system. Ever heard of shingles? It's extremely painful and is what happens when varicella is somehow reactivated later in life. Naturally, my son received his varicella vaccination to spare him any suffering from an initial outbreak of chicken pox or the possibility of future pain from shingles in his later years.

The worst part of refusing vaccination is that herd immunity only works when the vast majority of the herd is vaccinated because it doesn't allow an illness to get a toehold in society.  And who is injured the most when the herd's immunity is diminished?  Who are the ones who suffer when a large enough percentage of people refuse vaccinations?  The most vulnerable members of society.  The sick, the old, and the very young; cancer patients, HIV/AIDS patients, those with any autoimmune diseases, grandparents (& some of our parents), newborns.  Remember that vaccines do not carry efficacy rates of 100% and these people are counting on the rest of us to get our vaccines!

* * *

I think the reason they are pushing pertussis in California right now is because of the amount of infants who were stricken and died last year. I remember reading that, although the number seemed small to me (of course, it wouldn't seem that way to me if it were my own infant who died), it was the highest number of whopping cough deaths in some number of years. If memory serves, they have to be at least two months old before even beginning their series on that one so they are completely vulnerable (less so if breastfeeding, but still vulnerable) until at least 2 months of age.  If you expect to be around any infants, do that child a favor and get your Pertussis booster to help protect the lil' one.

I'm guessing that the reason they are pushing it on school kids is because education is mandatory so there's less chance of falling through the cracks and avoiding it. But ideally we all would keep up on our vaccine boosters and we certainly should if we will be around any young infants.

* * *

I've read that I'm excessively verbose on this topic.  I guess it's because I read and hear so much faulty information that I think most people don't understand any of this.  I'm not trying to impose my will on anyone, but I'm trying to explain the "why" in a way that makes sense to those who don't want to do the research for themselves. 

And, yes, it should just be your choice. Unfortunately, parental choices as it relates to vaccines can threaten the general public.  Parental freedom is infringed upon all the time and this is one of the rare cases where I believe that the government needs to make a mandate.  Frankly, I wish they'd made the vaccines mandatory years ago so it would simply be second nature now, just like wearing seatbelts, because not vaccinating threatens a helluva lot more people than just yourself and you're the only one who suffers if you get in an accident while not wearing a seatbelt.

If a parent doesn't care that their own child might suffer due to a preventable illness because "it's no big deal" or they believe in a fraudulent study and discredited researcher linking vaccines to autism, that's their business.  But it is absolutely my business if my child may suffer due to your choices.  Remember the swinging fist analogy?  Choosing not to vaccinate your child can end with my child getting hit in the face by your decision and that is why I am so passionate on this topic.

Feel free to comment and debate on this, but do back it up with facts and not simply opinion or fears.  I do have strong opinions on the topic, but I'm not unreasonable and am willing to change my views in light of new facts.  But do note that anecdotes, while usually profoundly sad, are not facts.  And play nice with each other. . .none of us intentionally wants to harm their children so personal attacks aren't necessary or welcomed.

Not So Inspired Today

I woke up feeling an odd sense of dread.  I'm 10w2d pregnant and this is the exact point that I learned my last baby had died last January.  I can't help but run to the restroom to check out every drop of moisture down below, which means I'm always in the restroom since I'm still on the twice daily progesterone regimen and it feels that there's always something wet in my britches.

I finally put my fears about this pregnancy aside and was enjoying a good day.  I received a phone call late this afternoon/early this evening that completely ruined my day and spiked my blood pressure through the roof.  I'm furious that I received such a phone call in the first place and I'm doubly furious that I received it on what is such a high-tension day for me.

I had a blog post that I was prepared to write, but I'm working on my desktop computer (which I hate using) as my laptop won't boot up for some dang reason.  That's just freaking wonderful because I'm apparently made of cash. . .at least, I gather that's the perception that some people have.  Those who know me know that's not true at all and I'm actually very careful with money. 

My financial health is neither here nor there.  At the moment I'm far more concerned about my emotional and physical health.  To be more accurate, the health of my baby and the condition of my heart.  Not the heart that pumps blood throughout your body, the heart that is the seat of your emotional health.  I feel hurt and disgusted and concerned and, as a result, I'm just not very inspired at all to write the blog post I had planned.

Hm, it would appear that I had far more to write than I anticipated.

An Interesting Search

I check my blog stats every day to see which posts are read most frequently.  Among other things, I can find out which country readers reside in, what operating systems they use, and which search words readers use to find this blog.  That last bit is rather interesting at times and it certainly is this morning.

Some of you know that I felt forced to censor myself by destroying my old blog, my old blogger name, and making this new blog viewable by invitation only for a period of time.  I'm not going to rehash my reasons why because I didn't feel it was fair or right, but I suppose that someone dear to me felt they were good reasons.  Let's just say that although I was fully in the right and standing on the side of truth, it made my life easier to not have my every word, thought, and opinion dissected and perverted by certain readers who were offended by the plain truth and my personal opinions.

I find it interesting that someone found this blog yesterday by searching for my old blogger name.  Should I be concerned that those who clearly can't handle the truth might actually be exposed to it by reading this blog?  Should I ready myself for an attack?  Should I go through the nonsense to delete this blog and create yet another one?

No, I don't think I should do a damn thing.

I don't feel it's my problem if someone is so freakishly obsessed with me, my words, or my thoughts that they actually took the time to search for me after I took great pains to remain anonymous these last several months.  I guess I'm just not all that concerned if someone has actively sought me out because they were completely and totally cut from my life and my son's life as a result of their actions and perhaps this is a way to learn a little about what's going on with us.  I guess at some point everyone realizes that their hateful actions have very real consequences; their poison pen acted as a saw to effectively cut us away forever.  I can forgive their heinous words, but I will not forget them and I will never allow myself to be put in a position to be hurt by them again.

It's debatable whether or not they're missing out on anything important by not being allowed a relationship with me, but they absolutely are missing out on quite a lot by not being allowed contact with my son.  He's a spectacular little boy and I'm actually thankful that he no longer asks about seeing those people because I found it very difficult to hold my tongue and simply say that we won't be seeing them again.  I guess that's something they should have thought about before attacking this child's mother who absolutely did nothing to provoke such a venomous letter. 

Lest you think I'm being petty and using my son as a weapon, it was their own stated wish that we remain out of their lives.  I'm sure they had their own dark and bitter reasons, but thinking such hateful language was spewed forth because they are emotionally wounded almost makes me feel sorry for them.  Almost. . .