Friday, March 29, 2013

My Vaginal Trail of Tears

A stranger got to third base with me today. . .and I'm not talking about baseball.  That's right, I had a visit with my doctor today.  It was finally time for me to complain in person that I wish my vagina would stop weeping tears of blood.

My doctor and his nurse were shocked - SHOCKED - that I'm still - STILL - having bleeding issues.  He wanted to verify that the Mirena IUD was still in place so I slipped off my panties and hopped up on the table.  I felt super-proud that I remembered to wear panties because I still feel the sting of embarrassment from the visit where he discovered the hard way that I wasn't wearing any.  It took like two seconds to verify that all was as it should be and I responded that I was glad because I would not even consider having it reinserted if it weren't still in place. 

This prompted me to tell him that having the IUD inserted was one of the most painful things I've ever had happen.  It was less painful than my miscarriage, but significantly more painful than my c-sections. . .and my first c-section left me feeling like I was hit by a fucking bus.  He seemed surprised that I had that level of pain and that I nearly fainted from it, responding that he's never heard one of his patients report that kind of experience after one of his insertions.  Well, doc, my cervix is a steel door that will not tolerate your tenaculum-assisted shenanigans without plenty of pain and suffering on my part.

I'm not thrilled with my IUD, heck, I don't even kinda like it at this point.  However, I will be keeping it for at least a couple more months.  Why?  Well, mainly because this is still the least invasive option to manage my abnormally heavy period and I'm not inclined to seek out any surgical options unless absolutely necessary.  Burning my uterine lining, removing my uterus. . .both options sound pretty awful and I'd like to avoid both if at all possible.  As annoying as my never-ending period is, it is still easier to handle than the menstrual flooding & gushing that prompted me to seek medical help in the first place and I haven't had those issues since having the IUD inserted so I'm already doing better than I was a couple of months ago.

I know what you're thinking. . .it's not a visit to the doctor unless I do something goofy and this visit didn't disappoint.  While talking to me about the fact that I'm still experiencing vaginal bleeding, he asked how often I'm dealing with it.

"Dealing with what," I asked.

"Dealing with your protection."

I stared at him blankly and finally asked, "What protection?"

He blinked and we both stared at each other for a long moment.  I was just about to respond that I'm barebacking it these days aaaand it finally dawned on me that he wasn't asking me about rubbers.  "Oh, that!  Uh, well, it depends on my flow."

I'm pretty sure that I saw his mental eyeroll.

He asked me to let him know how things are in another month or two.  If I'm still bleeding all the time, we'll discuss surgical options.  If I'm not still bleeding all the time, well, I will have stopped bleeding!  One way or another, there is an end in sight to my vaginal trail of tears over my IUD.

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