Facebook - SAHM's Water Cooler

Bosses and business owners know and hate this simple fact:  There isn't an employee on the planet who actually puts in every single minute of work that they are paid to perform.  Feel free to dispute this, claim that you work every second of every day, and I'll feel free to call you on your BS.  An employee is paid for their complete shift, let's say it's eight hours of work, but there is no way they actually work eight hours in a given day.  Legally mandated lunch breaks and rest periods aside, it's human nature to mentally relax whenever you get an opportunity to stop working.  Don't think I'm slamming it because I find nothing wrong with recharging your battery by checking out of work for a few minutes.

I always felt I was a good employee and I'd bet money that my employer agreed.  However, I took plenty of chances to grab a smoke, get another cup of coffee, hit up the vending machines, and shoot the breeze with co-workers.  Go ahead, mock my work ethic, but I needed the distraction of friendly human interaction to reset my brain after being mentally exhausted from work.  I work hard and I fully expect and need to play hard too.

I don't work these days; well, it's more accurate to say that I don't work for wages any longer.  I don't have co-workers, but I do have my fellow stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) friends.  We can't exactly gather around an office water cooler to chit-chat throughout the day, but we can log-in to Facebook.  And I do whenever I get a chance because it's an easy way to get a little adult interaction and I can quickly jump back to my SAHM job duties at any time.  A 2 1/2-year old can be an incredibly frustrating boss and some days require more water cooler time than others!

This came up when someone I don't personally know suggested that her spouse objected to the amount of time she's on Facebook.  I don't know the particulars so I can't comment on their situation, but I find it hard to see the problem unless the home and children are being neglected.  Who cares if someone wants to pretend to harvest crops or feed fish?  Understand that I say this as someone who totally does not get the appeal of those sorts of games.  Who cares if someone just wants a little human interaction to break up the monotony (or aggravation) of the present day?  Yes, I say this as someone who has had plenty of aggravatingly monotonous days!

My husband is on my Facebook friend list and I suppose he could take it upon himself to spy on my FB activity levels.  He's not my boss though so I double-dog dare him to do it, but he certainly has the ability to do so.  In any event, I don't begrudge him whatever he does on-line (at home or at work) and I suspect he feels the same about my internet activities.  I mean, as long as we get our jobs done, who cares how we want to decompress?

Have your internet activity levels ever been the root (or symptom) of problems in your relationship?  And, to reverse the question, has your spouse's internet activity levels ever caused problems between the two of you?  How did you work through the situation?  I'm looking forward to reading your comments!

Why I (Heart) Facebook

I am not exactly on bed rest, but I'm not supposed to lift.  Or bend.  Or be on my feet too much.  The ER doctor asked me if I needed a note for school or work.  Considering that I'm a SAHM and the restrictions won't really mean much to my son and his demands, I declined the note.  Here's a quick post before I go lie down again. 


I was pondering the reasons why I love Facebook.  I resisted it for a long time, insisting that I'm not some dork on a computer (yes, I know I am), but I'm sure glad that I finally broke down and joined.

For starters, I love FB because it makes it easier to get back in touch with old friends who I've lost contact with for various reasons.  Thanks to FB, I've reconnected with several old friends who I missed and hadn't spoke with in many years.

Facebook also allows me to stay in touch with friends and family.  I wouldn't pick up the phone and tell loved ones about my son's latest shenanigans, but I will post it on FB and that status usually yields a volley of comments.  I'm particularly thankful that my brother and I were able to enjoy plenty of conversations thanks to FB.

The Facebook pages that I like often yield information about giveaways.  Sure, I follow most of these blogs anyway, but sometimes I do not.  FB helps me find some giveaways that I'd like to enter and wouldn't have known about otherwise.

Are you on FB?  Why do you <3 it?

What is it with Women?

What is it with women?  If we can't be supportive, can't we at least be respectful toward each other?  Do we always have to disdain women who have different opinions or make different choices than us?  My specific gripe is with women who insert themselves into your personal choice about how to feed your own baby.

If you've had a baby, you know that you have a choice right off the bat:  formula feed or breastfeed.  We all know that breast milk is best, but the fact is that not everyone wants to go through the effort to establish a nursing relationship.  I can totally understand their feelings as I had a loooong learning curve when it came to breastfeeding.  I suffered mightily for seven weeks before I didn't hurt with every feeding.  And feedings occurred every ninety minutes.  Imagine pain visited upon your impossibly tender and sore nipples every ninety minutes around the clock for nearly two months.  Breastfeeding may be perfectly natural, but it sure did not come easily to me!

I really hated breastfeeding in the early days and it's hard to say who cried more in those early weeks, the baby or me.  Okay, I'll admit that it was definitely me.  I was stubborn though and I wanted to give my son the very best nutrition so I kept moving forward in my attempts to establish a good nursing relationship with my son.  I'm very thankful that I was able to become a SAHM for many reasons and a big one is that I know I would have quit breastfeeding and just went with formula had I returned to work.

As I've indicated in previous blog posts about breastfeeding, I am a fan of the practice.  I exclusively breastfed my son until he was around five months old.  That means that he only received nourishment from my breasts for that entire time.  I continued to nurse him until he was over one year old and fully weaned him shortly after his first birthday.  Though we had a rocky start, I ended up having a remarkably easy breastfeeding relationship with my son.

Look, we all know that breast is best, but it is no one's business how someone else chooses to feed their own baby.  Some moms don't get the support and resources to establish a good breastfeeding relationship so they turn to a bottle of formula out of desperation.  Some just don't want to for other reasons; maybe they think it will make their boobs droop, maybe they don't want to be tied down to their new baby, maybe it's some other reason.  A very small percentage are physically unable to produce enough milk no matter what they do to increase their milk supply.  And some simply cannot because their medications are contraindicated; chemotherapy patients, for example.  Regardless of the reasons, it doesn't matter because it is ultimately their decision how they feed their own baby and *it has nothing to do with anyone else.

Breastfeeding was the best way for me to feed my son, but that doesn't mean that I should be hurtful toward someone who chooses to formula feed - for whatever reason.  Since I was so determined to nurse our son, formula feeding was NOT going to happen, my husband is always surprised by my opinions on this topic.  I know that I'm incredibly opinionated.  Heck, this blog is primarily made up of my opinions and thoughts.  While I've been known to forcefully state an opinion or two, I hope that it's clear that my opinions aren't indictments toward others who feel, act, or raise their children differently - vaccination being the notable exception.  Vive la difference, as our French friends would say. . .

Women tend to judge themselves harshly and it's a rare woman who meets her own standards.  No matter what we do, it's never enough and this causes plenty of Mom Guilt.  Since we are our own worst critic, we don't need other moms heaping it on too. 

Come on, ladies, you don't have to approve of or even support different parenting choices, but can we just try to be nice toward each other?


*Ignoring the long term health impact of mothers & children and the societal impact of breastfeeding v formula feeding infants.

A Rainy Day AND a Fever, Really?

I left my son with my husband and went to a friend's house yesterday afternoon to watch a little torture porn.  Okay, it wasn't technically billed as such, but it is a good description of the most compelling scenes of the movie.  Do yourself a favor, save 2 1/2 hours of your life and skip The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  It is too long, too dry, and they really don't do a good job making you give a rip about any of the characters.  Even the resolution at the end is terribly unsatisfying.  Additionally, it's all subtitled.  I kinda feel like if I'm going to take 2 1/2 hours to read a movie, I might as well read the book and get a better experience.  Whatever.

Anyway, I thought that my son felt a little warm when I returned home.  But my husband was cooking and the house felt warm too.  The boy ate a hearty dinner so I thought he must feel fine.

He woke up twice before my husband and I even went to bed.  Not a good sign, but he did have to use the toilet, so I wrote it off as too many fluids before bedtime.  I could tell that his temperature was slightly elevated when he woke up the third time, around 1:30 am.  He went potty and returned to his bed without complaint.  At around 2:30 or 3:00 (my mind starts to get a little fuzzy at this point), the kiddo woke again.  He was hot, he was upset, and he wasn't going back to sleep.  I have no idea how long he stayed up, but I think it was a little over an hour.

His fever appeared gone this morning, but I could tell something is wrong besides being tired.  His appetite has been off all day.  He's been either clingy and quiet or clingy and screamy.  Every now and then he offers vague complaints about "boo-boos."  Just before naptime, the fever returned. 

Have I mentioned that it is a rainy day here at my house?  A rainy day as in rain is my kryponite.  So I've been cooped up in the house all day with a potentially contagious and sickly toddler. 

Tell me again why SAHMs don't qualify for hazard pay?? 

This Lazy Woman's Guide to Housecleaning

I might be a SAHM, but I refuse to spend my days cleaning the house.  The way I see it, the house will always be here and it will always need cleaning.  My son won't always be young and I'm already alarmed at how fast his infancy passed so I don't want to miss out on a minute of his toddlerhood.  I certainly don't want to look back and regret that I was so busy keeping a perfect house that I didn't enjoy these special years with my son.

Thanks to living on a busy street, I can actually dust every single day if I was interested.  Not that I'm interested, mind you.  Most horizontal surfaces are always cluttered and I'm engaged in a never-ending battle with dog hair on my floor.  My house doesn't sparkle and it's most often somewhat messy, but I'm not afraid to have friends over.  Besides, friends don't perform white-glove inspections anyway.

Note that all of these tips are not mine; I got some of them from the FlyLady.  Not FLYing yet?  Check out the website and get FLYing!  Yeah, I'm lazy and I don't do all the things she suggests yet, but I'm getting there.  Below is a quick rundown of a typical day spent at home and you'll see that I agree with the FlyLady that choosing to do a tiny bit of work here and there and making just a little effort ultimately makes a huge difference.

Morning
- Make bed once you get up.
- The FlyLady says to get dressed right away, but I have been really bad about lounging in a bathrobe for an hour or two.
- Unload the dishwasher if it was run the night before. 
- Brew up a little coffee for myself and, hopefully, enjoy a cup before the kiddo wakes up. 
- Put laundry away so the basket is empty. 
- Make breakfast, cleaning up any cooking messes or dishes dirtied along the way, and feed the kiddo. 
- Once breakfast is finished, immediately put dishes in the dishwasher.  If the dishwasher wasn't run the night before, there are probably enough dishes to run it now.  Hand wash pots or pans if used, dry, and put away. 
- Wipe down dining room table, stovetop, and counters.  Assuming the dog didn't pounce on any morsels that might have dropped on the floor, clean those up too.
- Check to see if the kitchen sink still looks good. 
- If using the slow-cooker for dinner, get cracking on that. 
- Go to master bathroom to brush teeth. 
- After teeth are brushed, grabbed toilet bowl brush and do a quick scrub around the toilet bowl.  Use cleanser every two weeks.
- After hand washing, determine if the bathroom sink could use a scrub down and make a mental note if necessary. 
- I slack on this sometimes, but generally I'll wipe down the counter with a washcloth and throw the washcloth in empty laundry basket.

Mid-morning
- Hustle to the hallway bathroom, grab toilet bowl brush and do a quick scrub around the toilet bowl before the kiddo has to poop.  Use cleanser every two weeks.
- After hand washing, determine if the bathroom sink could use a scrub down and make a mental note if necessary. 
- Wipe down the counter with a washcloth and throw the washcloth in the laundry basket.

Lunchtime
- Unload dishwasher if it was run in the morning. 
- Prepare lunch, cleaning up any cooking messes or dishes dirtied along the way, and serve. 
- Once lunch is finished, immediately put dishes in the dishwasher and put any leftovers away in the refrigerator.  Hand wash pots or pans if used, dry, and put away. 
- Wipe down dining room table, stovetop (if used), and counters.  Assuming the dog didn't pounce on any morsels that might have dropped on the floor, clean those up too.

Mid-afternoon
- If not using slow cooker for dinner, start planning and prepping a meal.  Be sure to clean as you go so that you don't end up with a bunch of dishes to wash at the end. 
- Every week or so, I sweep and mop floors throughout the entire house.  I should probably do this every other day, but I'm lazy.

Dinnertime
- Prepare dinner, cleaning up any cooking messes or dishes dirtied along the way, and serve the family. 
- Once supper is finished, immediately put dishes in the dishwasher and put any leftovers away in the refrigerator.  Run dishwasher if it's full.  Hand wash pots, pans, or slow cooker if used, dry, and put away. 
- Wipe down dining room table, stovetop (if used), and counters.  Assuming the dog didn't pounce on any morsels that might have dropped on the floor, clean those up too.
- Throw the kitchen towels in the laundry basket. 
- Scrub down the kitchen sink and, since I have the scouring powder in hand, run to the bathroom sinks and scrub those if needed. 
- Every few days, look under the seat of each toilet and clean with a Clorox wipe. 
- When throwing away the Clorox wipe, determine if the trash needs to be emptied.  If it does, do it. 
- Every couple of weeks, scrub the kiddo's tub after bath time. 
- Take off clothes, make sure to have the kiddo's clothes too, and start laundry. 
- Take shower and make a mental note if it needs to be scrubbed tomorrow. 
- Squeegee and wipe down the shower doors before leaving the shower stall.
- Enjoy the evening with my hubby, but remain mindful that the laundry will need to be swapped over to the dryer in about an hour.
- After laundry is dried, fold it right away and stack it neatly in the basket.


That's it.  Pretty easy, right?  What simple, but effective, steps do you take to keep your house up?

Kryptonite for this SAHM

I have found that being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) beats working for wages in every aspect.  Except, well, the wages part!  I've often said that my worst day at home with my son is still better than the best day at work.

However, the close proximity to my child means that, while I get to enjoy wonderful things he does, I also get to witness all of his tantrums and other bad behavior.  As he's grown to become a toddler, the bad behavior tends to occur at least once each day.  I have found that keeping him active and giving him plenty of outdoor play time tends to stop a lot of his acting up. 

So guess what it's doing outside?  Raining!  And the loudest thunder I've ever heard is accompanying the rain.  I guess it's going to be a tantrum-y day in my house!

Back when I was still working for wages, I used to like rainy days that I could spend at home.  How things have changed!  Rain is like my kryptonite these days.

The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love

I'm not talking about the Peace Corps, though I just stole their slogan for the title of this post. I'm talking about parenthood in general, motherhood specifically.

Parenthood is an incredible responsibility. I held a responsible position prior to having my son, but it was nothing compared to parenthood. Nearly every single decision you make, from the food you prepare to the toys you purchase, can have a positive or negative impact on your child. If you're selfish and can't handle self-sacrifice, do society a favor and don't become a parent yet. There's no shame in delaying parenthood until you are mature enough to handle the responsibility. Why do you think I waited until I was in my 30s to start a family?

Parenthood comes with much joy and aggravation. The joys are obvious: your baby's eyes lighting up when you walk in the room, your baby's smiles, your little one saying "dada" or "mama," your toddler planting an unsolicited kiss on your cheek, your sweet child saying that they "luf you too." I'd imagine the joys continue to grow as the child does. The aggravations may not be as obvious to a non-parent. Yes, I know that parents shouldn't think parenting is aggravating, but sometimes it really is. My son isn't quite two, so veteran parents are probably thinking that I haven't seen anything yet. What can I say? I start some days with one last nerve and my son has the uncanny ability to continue getting on it. On those days, it's up to me to get glad in the same shoes I just got mad in and turn my frown upside down.

As a stay-at-home-mother (SAHM), I have a completely different parenting experience than my husband. I can express my exhaustion and frustration, but he can't fully understand it unless he's been in the trenches. As someone who has worked for a salary and someone who "does nothing" all day, I can easily say that it is far more difficult to stay home and care for a child.

I've heard some people claim that a woman is happiest if she's raising her children at home. I don't particularly agree with that sentiment because staying home to raise children just isn't for everyone. Financial obligations aside (and plenty of mothers work to keep a roof overhead & food in the cupboard), some women need more adult stimulation than they can get at playdates and Mommy & Me classes, some women are concerned about their future prospects and aren't willing to have a lengthy employment gap on their resume, some women just don't want to have their lives revolve around diaper changes, feedings, diaper changes, feedings, playtime, diaper changes, & naps. Women have the option of choosing whatever works best for them and in this post-feminist world, no one can question her decision. Heh, that actually just reminded me of Steve Martin's line from the movie Parenthood: "Women have choices, men have responsibilities." Sucks to be you, Men! haha

I can't say what's best for someone else's family, but I know what's best for my family. That said, caring for my child all day by myself is strange at times. The rest of the world tends to fade away when I'm focused on my little one. Things that had been important are no longer even on my radar - I'm sometimes surprised to notice that I haven't plucked my eyebrows in months. A 25-pound individual can make or break my day and the entire day goes down the toilet if my son wakes up on the wrong side of the crib. Singing The Alphabet Song 102 times each day is mind-numbing. My back, shoulders, & arms ache from playing "1, 2, 3, WHEE!" so often. I periodically have vague feelings of guilt because I'm sure that I'm not doing an awesome-enough job and raising the best kid ever.

Life is short and it is always uncertain. Though sometimes minutes begin to feel like hours and hours feel like days, I adore staying home with my son. My days with my son are precious and this time will never come again. Cleaning, cooking, laundry. . .it can all wait until my little boy is snoozing. I cherish my time with my little boy and I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to stay home with him.



Thank you, my love, for working so hard for our family. The house is a mess today because I decided to shirk cleaning and write this post while the tater tot is napping! xoxo

I'm Kinda Close to My Son

My son will turn two in one month. The longest amount of time that I have been apart from my son at any time is four hours. In two years, I have had four hours of time to myself around five times, maybe six. I guess you can say that my son and I are kinda attached to each other.

It's logical to assume that this prolonged closeness means that my son is a spazz when he's apart from me. Quite the opposite. When my husband or I drop him off in the church nursery on Sunday mornings, he shrugs off our kisses goodbye and starts playing. When I leave a room, he doesn't freak out. He's happy to explore his environment, even in new surroundings.

He does get bashful, coy, and even fearful from time to time, but his general mood is confident and sweet. I don't know why he has such a great personality. Is it because my husband has personality plus? Is it because I'm no slouch in the personality department? Is it because I nursed him so long? Is it because I wore him so often? Is it because he's always had me whenever he's needed me? Or is it just how his personality was from the start?

I'm not terribly comfortable leaving my son with strangers. Frankly, I don't like leaving my son with very many people. The thought of leaving him for a few hours makes my heart thump wildly.

I'm so thankful that I have the privilege to stay home with my son. As much as I loved work, and I loved it very much, I don't want to return at this point. The last thing I want to do is leave my son with a babysitter in a daycare while I work for wages outside my home.

All that said, if our fortunes turned and we needed my earning power, I'd return to work. It would be with a heavy heart, but I'd do whatever was necessary for the good of my family. I can't imagine how difficult it is for moms who want to stay home with their little ones, but who are financially unable to do so. Motherhood is tough enough when you're doing exactly what you want, so big hugs to you mamas who are working out of necessity.

It's Easier to Go to Work

I'm just a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), it's not like I'm ever busy, right? Wrong!

I babysat a 22-month old all day yesterday. I spent yesterday evening doing food prep (cutting veggies, cutting fruit, making dip, etc.) for a brunch playdate that I was hosting today. I enjoyed a bottle of wine last night once my husband came home from work. Okay, a bottle and a half. An alarm went off in my son's room in the middle of the night last night, which I had to turn off - apparently the kiddos figured out how to set the alarm clock. I woke up waaay too early (at least it felt that way) and had a hangover. I assembled and cooked four different dishes, put the fruit and veggies in pretty serving dishes & bowls, and set the table, buffet-style. I made coffee, boiled water in the kettle for tea or cocoa, decanted apple juice and milk, and poured sugar in a sugar bowl. We entertained six of our friends today and had a blast. We helped a friend label diapers for a yard sale tomorrow morning. We made arrangements to carpool with another friend to said yard sale. I left my son in the care of his father and spent four hours getting my hair done this evening. My son was not asleep when I arrived home and I had to soothe him to sleep. I'm actually glad that I overate at the brunch because I didn't end up getting supper until around nine o'clock. I have to go to the store sometime tomorrow morning to pick up a birthday gift for a special little girl and we'll be attending her birthday party tomorrow afternoon. We have dinner plans with another friend tomorrow evening.

I'm so busy lately, I wonder how I ever had the time to work.

In the midst of all these obligations, I'm worried about my father. He has spent the last two days in the ICU (still there tonight too), he's had to receive a total of four units of blood since his "routine outpatient procedure" on the 17th, and the procedure wasn't fully completed. I can't even go see him because I always have my son around and there is no way I can get away with bringing a 22-month old to the ICU.

I'm busy, I'm exhausted, and I'm unbelievably stressed out. Stop this train, I want to get off. I'm putting on the brakes come Sunday and that's that.

I Hate Cleaning For Nothing

After putting it off as long as possible, I finally got off my lazy ass and cleaned my house this morning. I did it all: toilets, sinks, dusting, sweeping, mopping. I was a busy mama and I whipped this house into shape with my cleaning frenzy. Everything is put away and everything sparkles. It wasn't that I wanted to clean, I felt that I had to because I planned on having a couple of friends over this afternoon and I planned on having some friends and their kids over for a tasty meatloaf supper on Saturday.

You know what they say about the best-laid plans, right? Who are they anyway? And how do they always know what's going to happen?

I was getting ready to walk out the door at around 10:00 this morning when I noticed that my son had a runny nose. He didn't seem sick and his nasal drippings were thin and clear, but I did the right thing and notified our friends that he had a runny nose. Of course, no one wants to let their kids hang out with a potentially sick kid. I decided to fool around on the computer and received an e-mail from our dinner company for Saturday. They had to back out of our plans because their oldest woke up sick this morning.

I realize that I should just be pleased with a nice & clean house, but I feel like I did all that cleaning for nothing. Seriously. My husband doesn't care if the house is clean and I don't think he notices if I've slacked off the housework for a couple of weeks. Er, not that I would. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

Messiness and clutter are distracting and put me on edge. It bothers me to see spots on the floor or to notice dust on a shelf. And don't get me started on dishes left in the sink or dirty clothes left on the floor! Even if no one gets to enjoy it, I have appreciated that the house has a much more calm and relaxing feel than it did before I began my mission. Of course, it will already begin falling apart by tomorrow morning and it will need cleaning all over again by Sunday. No matter how much you clean, you always end up cleaning again.

Oh, and my son's drippy nose stopped by noon. Hooray for not having a sick kid!

Is That a Thumb in My Bowl?

Home surgery made simple! I decided to attempt an at-home digit amputation after receiving the first book in the Time Life Home Surgery series. Well, maybe that's not exactly true. Is a thumb considered a digit?

I believe that I could split the atom with most of my knives. Why did I choose to use the dullest knife I own to chop vegetables? I adore sharp knives, but this particular knife is my absolute favorite to use. Of course, that probably explains why it no longer boasts a super-sharp edge.

Why was I bothering to cook in the first place? It was about an hour before my son's dinnertime. I had the energy, I had the ingredients, I felt compelled to make a tasty meal for my boy. And I knew I'd suffer guilt if I didn't prepare a meal.

Why would I feel guilty if I didn't cook? Because I'm a SAHM. If I worked for wages, I'd easily give myself a pass to serve up greasy fast food fare in place of home cookin'. I'd feed the kiddo frozen meals, canned pastas, and chicken nuggets all the time and I wouldn't think twice about it. I'm not saying that he doesn't sometimes eat those things, because he does, but they certainly aren't the mainstays of his diet.

Why was a nutritious meal so important tonight? Because he enjoyed a Valentine party at his pre-pre-school this morning. I wanted to make sure that he had a healthy and delicious meal for supper since he gorged on sweet junk earlier.

I thought about opening a can of ravioli after I tried to cut off my thumb. But I couldn't bring myself to serve up a supper without a single vegetable. So I dealt with my injury, washed my knife & cutting board, and continued the meal prep.

What tasty fare did I whip up? I made a quick pasta sauce with tomatoes, cremini mushrooms, onions, zucchini, eggplant, and garlic. I served it over whole wheat penne. I thought it tasted fantastic and the kiddo eagerly gobbled it up.

I'm not glad that I cut my thumb. Actually, I feel incredibly silly that I made such a rookie mistake. But I am glad that my guilt motivated me tonight because my son loved what I served.

I used to live for an atta-girl from my boss. Now I live for seeing my husband and my son enjoy every last morsel of food that I've prepared. It's one way I measure how well I perform my job as a SAHM.

The Pendulum Keeps Swinging

I always find it interesting how attitudes shift so completely over time. And I find it aggravating when those who march to a beat of a different drum are ostracized or made to feel inferior for their personal decisions.

When my husband was born in the mid-late 50s, "the poor" were forced to breastfeed their babies and those who could afford it fed their babies formula. It was something of a status symbol to be able to give your baby a bottle. Everyone cloth diapered because there were no other alternatives. Mothers, for the most part, stayed home or worked "pink collar" jobs when the kiddos were in school because most children were born in a home that had a working father.

Things had dramatically changed by the time my brother-in-law was born in 1970. Breastfeeding was very popular and my mother-in-law had to repeatedly stand her ground that she was not interested in nursing her newest baby. "The poor" were forced to cloth diaper their babies and those who could afford it used disposable diapers. It was something of a status symbol to wrap your baby's bottom in plastic. Many mothers were in the workforce and staying home was somewhat looked down upon (by feminists, ironically enough) because the women were, no doubt, being subjugated if their primary focus was their family. Already children weren't as likely to be born in a home that had both parents and some mothers were forced to work to keep a roof overhead.

It's 2010 and I marvel how things have changed yet again. Breastfeeding is acknowledged in medical circles as the very best way to feed a baby. I've had friends tell me that they were practically harassed by hospital staff about their decision not to even try nursing. I've observed militant nursers attack bottle feeders in the anonymous world of the internet. I would have liked to give my son a bottle from time to time, but he never took to it. So I nursed him. I nursed him for a little over a year since you aren't supposed to give cow milk to a baby until one year of age. As long as the babe is getting nutrients, I can truly say that I don't care how anyone chooses to feed their own baby. I made my choices with my child and they are entitled to make their choices with their child.

Cloth diapers aren't for the poor anymore. CDing mommas are happy to show off their fluff. Translation for the non-cding folks out there: Moms who use cloth diapers are happy to show you the soft & cute diapers on their kiddo's bottoms. Cloth diapers have come a long way in that if you plan your spending right, you can easily drop more in reusable diapers than in 'sposies - that's disposable diapers in cd-speak. But the money and the cute factor is only part of what drives one to cloth diaper; many cd-mommas use them because they are concerned about the impact that disposables have on the environment. I haven't heard any snide comments from mommas in either diaper camp and I have to conclude that, as far as diapers are concerned, we're content to let others make their own decisions. I use cloth during the day if we're at home, I use disposables at night and when we're gone for the day. But I don't really care how anyone chooses to diaper their own child.

Stay-at-Home Moms are not the norm today. For various reasons, most moms return to work as soon as their maternity leave is up. Some may be single-parents and have no one to support them while staying home. Some may be living a lifestyle that requires two incomes. Some may be concerned about any negative impact that staying home may have on their long-term career prospects. Some may just want to go back to work because they don't want to stay home with their baby.

I have some Mommy friends who work full-time, a few who work part-time, but most of my friends stay home. I have never heard any suggestion of reproach from any of my friends for the decisions that any of us are making or have made; I guess I'm in a pretty spectacular group of women. I have, however, read and heard plenty of condemnation for women who choose to stay home. I have read that their children will be social misfits, that these women place undue stress on their husband, that these women aren't truly fulfilled because they are "anchored" to their children. I have to say that I think all of those excuses are complete and utter crap.

Most SAHMs aren't shut-ins who watch TV and eat bon-bons all day. They frequently have very busy social lives with their little ones. Gymboree, My Gym, Little Gym, Parks & Rec programs, indoor playrooms, playgroups & playdates, libraries, museums, zoos, parks, aquariums, the list of fun things to do with a child goes on and on. Assuming the mother makes the effort, there are plenty of opportunities for socializing and teaching a child.

A SAHM is not what places significant responsibilities on a man, having the child does. Let that sink in a moment. The responsibilities go through the roof when a child arrives whether or not the mother goes back to work. And if Momma works, she's probably forced to fork over a significant portion of her paycheck for daycare expenses. Yes, a high-quality daycare facility really is that expensive. Sure, there are families who are fortunate enough to have a grandparent or other relative who is able to watch the baby for around 50 hours each week. But most families don't have that luxury.

Is a woman not fulfilled because she's raising children? Perhaps some women aren't. I feel more fulfilled in my role as wife and mother than I ever did while working. And I absolutely loved what I did for a living. But I've said it before and I'll probably end up saying it again at some point - even my worst day home with my son is better than my best day at work.

We all make our own choices with our own lives. I won't judge your decision and I would appreciate it if you didn't judge mine. Put another way, you should mind your own household and leave me to mind mine.

Keeping Up With the Browns

A provocative billboard recently was put up somewhere in Britain that says, "Career Women Make Bad Mothers." Understandably, working mothers cried foul and, predictably, the company behind the billboard has apologized. I think the controversy highlights a much bigger problem: Women feel guilty whether they are stay at home moms (SAHMs) or working moms.

We always hear about working moms and their guilt over their decision. We don't often hear about the SAHM's guilt. And, yes, SAHMs can and do feel guilty over their decision to stay home instead of working for wages.

I'm a SAHM and I love it, but I also loved my career. I like to say that my worst day home with my son is still better than my best day at work. My work will always be there, but my son won't be a little one for long. I'm confident in my skills and abilities and I know that I will find employment once my son is in school.

I still sometimes feel like I'm not pulling my weight because I'm not earning my former salary. I realize that it's bizarre to feel like this because we didn't use my salary for anything, but feelings can be strange in that way. It's just so difficult to leave a job when you're comfortably compensated. In a way, I'm thankful that I didn't earn a higher wage because I don't know that I could have walked away. But leaving my 6-week old with another person for at least 10 hours each day would have broke my heart.

I've never been particularly enamored with material possessions. I don't generally envy other people's financial situation. I certainly don't try to keep up with the Joneses. And, now that I don't work for wages, these are good things for my family's financial health and well-being.

I know that we could buy more "things" if I did work. We could dine out more often if I did work. Heck, we would have probably bought another house by now if I did work. But I'd miss out on so much if I did work! My son goes to bed at 7:00 each night. I'd hate to only spend less than 90 minutes with him each day before bedtime. I'd hate to spend weekends running errands instead of relaxing with my husband and kiddo. Mostly, I'd hate missing the milestones that I was able to witness because I stay home.

I'm not afraid to learn. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. I'm not afraid to try something that sounds a little crazy. And I'm certainly willing to do all these things if it positively impacts our family's finances. I cook dinner nearly every night. The baby and I eat lunches that I've prepared rather than grabbing a fast food meal on the go. We go for cheap entertainment; most parks are free and annual passes to both the zoo and the children's museum total less than $100. I cloth diaper during the day if we're at home. I thought nursing for more than a few months was weird, but I did it for over a year and saved a bundle by not buying formula. I kicked my Diet Coke and coffee habit. I don't get my hair done every eight weeks any longer. These are money-saving things that I wouldn't have done if I worked outside the home.

The only person I'm concerned with impressing is my husband. Other people may think that we aren't living a great lifestyle because we didn't buy into the notion that both parents have to work to maintain an adequate standard of living. But we only have to please ourselves and I say it was better for us to lower our expectations of what makes an adequate standard of living because we are enjoying the things that truly matter to us instead of the material things that commercials insist matter. We don't have to worry about the Joneses, we just need to keep up with the Browns.