Still Sick

I feel like I can barely string words together to make a sentence today, so accept my apologies if this doesn't make much sense. 

I'm sure every other mother on the planet can agree that being sick sucks bad enough, but it is infinitely more sucky when you're home sick with a sick toddler.  The days of staying in bed when I don't feel good are long gone.  He needs help every time he goes to the toilet.  He needs his water cup refilled.  He needs to eat and have snacks.  Between caring for him and trying to care for myself, I'm lucky if I can rest for five solid minutes.

I've lost count of how many days we've been sick and I'd like to drag us out of the house.  I'm sure we'll end up staying home today since I feel so weak that I don't think I could handle my rambunctious kidlet in public by myself.

My son's cough has significantly improved, but his nose is still dripping.  Snot creeps me out, but I'd rather deal with that than the horrible cough he had the last few days.  My head feels heavy, my ears are clogged, my nose started running this morning, my eyes are watery, and my throat still hurts.  My husband still hasn't been bit by the bug and I'm hoping that he escapes unscathed.

If You Can't Say Something Nice. . .

I was reading one of my favorite websites today and I stumbled upon a couple threads that made my head explode. After spending a few hours reflecting on what I had read, I came to a couple of conclusions.

1. The Internet is serious business.
2. Some people have so little going on in their lives that they are compelled to get up in everyone's business.

One thread had a huge fight over how parents choose to corral their children. There were very few participants in the middle. Some people stringently argued against using those child harness/leashes. They went so far as to say that parents who rely upon such devices are lazy and negligent parents. Some even indicated that it was wrong to use slings, strollers, and playpens. The other camp was people who basically said to STFU and mind your own business.

The other thread had a huge fight over breastfeeding. A few very vocal people were totally disgusted by nursing and, it kinda sounded like, children in general. These are the type of people who refer to your offspring by revolting terms like crotchfruit or crotch dropping. A few very vocal people were who I tend to refer to as the "militant breastfeeders." These are the women who will whip out their entire breast and take their sweet time before latching on baby. Oddly enough, they tend to get pissed when men stare at their exposed tits. Everyone else was somewhere in the middle because, let's face it, there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding and most women don't act like total attention whores while feeding their children.

I never weighed in with my opinions because both of these threads devolved into personal attacks from all sides. Ah, Internet denizens, you can be so childish and predictable.

So here are my thoughts on both issues:

I. Don't. Care.

Seriously, I don't care how you choose to raise your own children. I have enough to worry about while raising my own child and I just don't have the time or inclination to sweat what someone else does with their own child. I do voice a lot of opinions here, but I don't use this blog as a passive-aggressive way to slam parenting choices that differ from my opinions on childrearing. There is one notable exception, but I think I was very forthright in stating my thoughts on the matter.

When I give my opinion, I'm basically saying that this is the way I think is best. This is what works for my family. That doesn't mean that it will work for your family and it doesn't mean that I think you're doing a poor job as a parent.

All that said, I'm happy to give my opinion if asked. Otherwise, I try my best to hold my tongue because, at best, I'll sound like a know-it-all. At worst, I'll sound like I'm criticizing.

I didn't always feel this way. I was very much a believer in it being my way or the highway. But as I've grown, I've come to appreciate the advice given by Thumper's mother.

A Friend Nears the End

Months ago I requested prayers for a young mother. She has a six-year old daughter and she had just delivered her preemie son. The pregnancy stressed her body to the extreme. She ultimately ended up waiting for a heart transplant. This was several months ago. Her survival back then was nothing short of miraculous. Seriously.

I'm sad to report that she has taken a turn for the worst. This week she suffered a brain hemorrhage and is currently in a coma. Her family is understandably devastated.

If you pray, please pray for this family. We're seeking another miracle. A miracle that only God can grant.

Lazy Works

I had a lazy, lazy, lazy day today.

My husband took the little tater tot this morning so I was able to sleep in until 9:00 am. I heated leftovers for breakfast. I did drag my lazy carcass to church, but I didn't help in the nursery. We went out to eat lunch. We came home and the entire family took naps. We went out for pizza with some friends at suppertime. And the kiddo had a bath and went to bed as soon as we arrived home. I want to continue my relaxing day and don't really want to bother with writing this post tonight.

Most days I bust my hump. But today was not that day. And I'm okay with that because, some days, lazy works.

The Pendulum Keeps Swinging

I always find it interesting how attitudes shift so completely over time. And I find it aggravating when those who march to a beat of a different drum are ostracized or made to feel inferior for their personal decisions.

When my husband was born in the mid-late 50s, "the poor" were forced to breastfeed their babies and those who could afford it fed their babies formula. It was something of a status symbol to be able to give your baby a bottle. Everyone cloth diapered because there were no other alternatives. Mothers, for the most part, stayed home or worked "pink collar" jobs when the kiddos were in school because most children were born in a home that had a working father.

Things had dramatically changed by the time my brother-in-law was born in 1970. Breastfeeding was very popular and my mother-in-law had to repeatedly stand her ground that she was not interested in nursing her newest baby. "The poor" were forced to cloth diaper their babies and those who could afford it used disposable diapers. It was something of a status symbol to wrap your baby's bottom in plastic. Many mothers were in the workforce and staying home was somewhat looked down upon (by feminists, ironically enough) because the women were, no doubt, being subjugated if their primary focus was their family. Already children weren't as likely to be born in a home that had both parents and some mothers were forced to work to keep a roof overhead.

It's 2010 and I marvel how things have changed yet again. Breastfeeding is acknowledged in medical circles as the very best way to feed a baby. I've had friends tell me that they were practically harassed by hospital staff about their decision not to even try nursing. I've observed militant nursers attack bottle feeders in the anonymous world of the internet. I would have liked to give my son a bottle from time to time, but he never took to it. So I nursed him. I nursed him for a little over a year since you aren't supposed to give cow milk to a baby until one year of age. As long as the babe is getting nutrients, I can truly say that I don't care how anyone chooses to feed their own baby. I made my choices with my child and they are entitled to make their choices with their child.

Cloth diapers aren't for the poor anymore. CDing mommas are happy to show off their fluff. Translation for the non-cding folks out there: Moms who use cloth diapers are happy to show you the soft & cute diapers on their kiddo's bottoms. Cloth diapers have come a long way in that if you plan your spending right, you can easily drop more in reusable diapers than in 'sposies - that's disposable diapers in cd-speak. But the money and the cute factor is only part of what drives one to cloth diaper; many cd-mommas use them because they are concerned about the impact that disposables have on the environment. I haven't heard any snide comments from mommas in either diaper camp and I have to conclude that, as far as diapers are concerned, we're content to let others make their own decisions. I use cloth during the day if we're at home, I use disposables at night and when we're gone for the day. But I don't really care how anyone chooses to diaper their own child.

Stay-at-Home Moms are not the norm today. For various reasons, most moms return to work as soon as their maternity leave is up. Some may be single-parents and have no one to support them while staying home. Some may be living a lifestyle that requires two incomes. Some may be concerned about any negative impact that staying home may have on their long-term career prospects. Some may just want to go back to work because they don't want to stay home with their baby.

I have some Mommy friends who work full-time, a few who work part-time, but most of my friends stay home. I have never heard any suggestion of reproach from any of my friends for the decisions that any of us are making or have made; I guess I'm in a pretty spectacular group of women. I have, however, read and heard plenty of condemnation for women who choose to stay home. I have read that their children will be social misfits, that these women place undue stress on their husband, that these women aren't truly fulfilled because they are "anchored" to their children. I have to say that I think all of those excuses are complete and utter crap.

Most SAHMs aren't shut-ins who watch TV and eat bon-bons all day. They frequently have very busy social lives with their little ones. Gymboree, My Gym, Little Gym, Parks & Rec programs, indoor playrooms, playgroups & playdates, libraries, museums, zoos, parks, aquariums, the list of fun things to do with a child goes on and on. Assuming the mother makes the effort, there are plenty of opportunities for socializing and teaching a child.

A SAHM is not what places significant responsibilities on a man, having the child does. Let that sink in a moment. The responsibilities go through the roof when a child arrives whether or not the mother goes back to work. And if Momma works, she's probably forced to fork over a significant portion of her paycheck for daycare expenses. Yes, a high-quality daycare facility really is that expensive. Sure, there are families who are fortunate enough to have a grandparent or other relative who is able to watch the baby for around 50 hours each week. But most families don't have that luxury.

Is a woman not fulfilled because she's raising children? Perhaps some women aren't. I feel more fulfilled in my role as wife and mother than I ever did while working. And I absolutely loved what I did for a living. But I've said it before and I'll probably end up saying it again at some point - even my worst day home with my son is better than my best day at work.

We all make our own choices with our own lives. I won't judge your decision and I would appreciate it if you didn't judge mine. Put another way, you should mind your own household and leave me to mind mine.

Mr. Independence

My son thinks he knows better than his Mama. I realize that this stage will pass and return with a vengeance once puberty hits, but it is bothersome.


Usually this attitude isn't a big deal, just a minor annoyance and a great opportunity to teach about natural consequences.

-I told him to wait for me to roll up his sleeves before washing his hands. So he immediately stuck his hands under the faucet. One day he'll learn that his sleeves do get wet if you don't pull them back.

-I told him to pick up his magnets and put them back on the fridge or I would take them away. So he threw all of the magnets and walked off. He lost his magnets that day. One day he'll learn that he should listen to Mama because she does what she says she'll do.


Sometimes, this defiance can be dangerous.

-I told him the crock-pot was hot and not to touch it. So he touched it. He wasn't burned, thank God, but he learned that the crock-pot is hot and now he repeats, "'ot" (that's "hot" in his toddler-speak) over & over again while pointing at it on the counter.

-I told him to come back to me while he was running around at the park. So he laughed and ran further away. I hid behind a tree so that I could see him but he couldn't see me. He panicked when he finally turned around. He learned that running away means that you can get lost and be separated from your family - two things he most definitely does not want to happen, based on his reaction.


And sometimes he learns a new skill by pushing his boundaries.

-I told him to wait for me to hold his hand before going down the slide. So he pushed himself down all by himself. And he landed safely. He looked at me, beaming, and proceeded to dance for a few seconds. He was proud of himself and I was proud of my little boy.


I'm not raising a robot, a dog, or anything that I should expect to receive total obedience from. I'm raising a child who will one day be a man. I need to remember that it means he will need to push the envelope and explore his body's limits and his surroundings. I need to understand that part of growing up sometimes includes getting hurt and I will need to let him make his own decisions at the appropriate time - of course, assuming he's not choosing to break the law.

I don't know how long he has been able to go down the slide by himself. But I'm glad that he didn't listen to me because he gained true self-esteem by accomplishing a task on his own. As much as I want to cling him to me, I will sometimes need to let go so he can grow.

A Little Sunshine

After more than a week of rain, I woke this morning to find that the sun was shining.

I enjoyed a few hours (and a tasty lunch) with a couple of my Mommy friends and their sons. We chatted about many topics and had quite a few laughs. Our boys were rather spirited, but they also seemed to have a good time.

I would have never known either of these women had I not joined a mother's group. I discovered the group on-line and it appealed to me because it was for women who delivered children in 2008. We are a diverse group who are brought together by our children. It seems like we've all been friends for ages and now I can't imagine not having such close relationships.

Your family is expected to love you. But your friends are extra special because they choose to love you. I am very blessed because I have wonderful friends. I hope that I am as good a friend to them as they are to me.

My husband and my son are like air to me. And my friends are like sunshine. :)

Kids Say the Darndest Things - So Do Moms

Kids say pretty funny and outrageous things. So do their mothers.

We're all familiar with the segment of the Art Linkletter program in which he'd talk with young children and they'd inevitably say something silly or respond in a hilarious way. The success of this segment even became an entire show many years later.

I've said my share of crazy things since welcoming my son home. I don't do funny, I'm not that clever, but I crack up when I think of these things that I've said in the last two months. I hope you get a chuckle or two.

"My son is already a Boob Man."
Remarked to another mom after my son walked up and honked my breast.

"Stop pulling your weiner!"
My son was yanking his weiner during a diaper change. I swear he stretched it up to his belly button and I was sure he would break it or something.

"Honey, your head is not metal. Hitting your head won't make the same sound. Please stop hitting your head. That's enough, give Mommy the comb."
He had just discovered that hitting metal with a comb made a nice ringing sound. Naturally, he started hitting his head with the comb.

"Please stop trying to eat the coaster."
My son is still a chewer and he likes to taste everything that he can get his hands on. Substitute coaster for magnets, hair brush, toothpaste tube, remote control, or any number of random household objects and it probably makes up half of the things I say each day.

"Stop scratching your butt cheeks, you'll hurt your butt. No, no, don't try to touch your butthole."
For some reason, my son kept trying to scratch his butt cheeks for a week or so. He'd scratch at his butt during diaper changes and while in the bath. He actually ended up with scratch marks on his cheeks. One day he just left his butt alone and he hasn't scratched at it since.

"Please don't try to brush your hair with a fork. Forks are for eating food."
I guess I should be happy that my son was trying to brush his hair, but the fork actually had food on it at the time.

"Keep your hands out of your poo-poo!"
Self-explanatory, right? EWWW!

"Toilets are for potty and toilet paper. Nothing else belongs in the toilet."
My son had thrown one of his beloved burpies in the toilet. I'm just glad that he didn't flush!

"Cheese doesn't belong in your ear. No, it doesn't belong in your belly button either."
He was learning his body parts and I think he wanted his mouth to share with the other openings in his body.

"How in the world did you manage to get a Goldfish cracker in your diaper?"
I found a whole Goldfish cracker in his diaper one day. He couldn't have possibly eaten it, but how in the world did it get there?

"Say bye-bye to your boogie. No, we don't kiss boogies."
Boogie is our term for boogers. I guess he was concerned that it was being thrown in the trash before he could say goodbye.

"Utensils are not drumsticks and the table is not a drum."
My musical son was treating me to a drum solo during lunch one day.

"Mommy wants some privacy. Please leave Mommy alone. Oh, well, hello there. No, I can't pick you up right now."
My son has learned how to open doors and I apparently can't even use the restroom in privacy any longer.

I know that I've said plenty of crazy things in the last 19-months and I'm sure I'll say plenty more in the years ahead. I'm looking forward to hearing what crazy things will come from my son's mouth.