Breastfeeding is Biologically Normal So Why Do I Feel Like a Freak?

As always, I feel the need to point out that being pro-breastfeeding does not make me anti-formula.  I don't care if a woman immediately chooses to use formula with her newborn.  It's not my baby, it's not my choice.  I am pro-breastfeeding and I want every woman to be able to reach her breastfeeding goals - whatever those goals may be.

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I think it's safe to say that people tend to say stupid things when they are uniformed and/or uneducated.  Few things bring out the crazy-talk quite like things that make us feel threatened, judged, or inferior.  Take breastfeeding, for example. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends breastfeeding continue until AT LEAST 2-years of age.  Yeah, but we're Americans so we're supposed to thumb our noses at the rest of the world and do what we want to do, right?  Not so fast there, Cowboy. . .even the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends ONLY breastmilk until the infant reaches 6-months of age and breastmilk with solids until AT LEAST one-year of age.  Oh.

Does this mean you suck (heh!) if you didn't breastfeed that long?  No.  Does this mean you are the worst mom ever if you just plain didn't want to breastfeed.  Nope.  Does this mean you should be a judgemental douche toward women who do choose to nurse their children (their walking & possibly talking children - oh noes!) according to these guidelines.  Absolutely not! 

Unfortunately, I find that this very thing happens all too often.  I don't know what it is about information that is so damn threatening, but women frequently respond as if these recommendations are a personal attack.  That's a shame because they just might be a little less judgemental toward a mother who is breastfeeding outside of their own notion of when it is "appropriate" to feed a baby - infant or toddler.

I have a 16-month old and that child still breastfeeds several times every single day.  Some days more, some days less, but an average is 6 to 8 nursing sessions each day.  My baby eats table food and drinks from a cup. . .but my baby also still nurses straight from the tap and that's perfectly normal.

My husband has always supported me breastfeeding our children and am I thankful for that because I might not have stuck with it if I had a man-child at home whining about his babies on my breasts.  I have learned a lot about human lactation over the years so I had the education to succeed and, for that, I am thankful.  I also did not have any physical obstacles that might make breastfeeding particularly difficult and that makes me very fortunate.  I had a desire to breastfeed and I know why I'm doing it.  I'm secure in my decision to breastfeed outside of infancy. 

It's not like I'm some wild & crazy lactivist.  I don't whip my tits out and make a spectacle of myself when I'm nursing my baby.  I'm just a middle-aged suburban mother of two children.  So why is it that I'm always carrying on about breastfeeding? 

It's because even people who I know and love sometimes run their mouths and say things that are hurtful.  Things that make it sound like I'm some sort of weirdo, some fanatic, for feeding my child in the way my body was designed.  Breastfeeding is biologically normal, so why do people try to make me feel like such a freak?

As I already said, I'm secure in my decision so nothing anyone says is going to sway my decision to breastfeed my toddler.  Not all women are so comfortable.  Some women are only hanging on by a thread. . .they are just one nursing session away from giving up.  One dirty look, one snotty comment, one ill-informed opinion away from replacing their nipple with one of latex or silicone, replacing their own human breastmilk for their baby in favor of giving the babe cow milk. 

The very thought that these women might be discouraged from reaching their breastfeeding goals because someone else thinks it's strange, perverted, or "icky" is infuriating to me.  I nurse my baby anytime and anywhere because I wouldn't hesitate to do the same if he were being given a bottle and this has allowed me to hear some interesting comments.  Let's look at some utterly ridiculous statements I've heard about breastfeeding, shall we?  Buckle up, Buttercup, away we go!

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"Breastfeeding is a special moment between mother and child so it should be done in private."  Breastfeeding is eating.  Breast - FEEDING, get it?!  If you wouldn't eat your sandwich in private. . .no, if you wouldn't tell a bottle feeding mother to feed her baby in private, then you shouldn't say the same to a breastfeeding mother. 

"It's immodest to breastfeed in public."  Modesty is subjective and my personal comfort level may not be the same as yours.  Your sense of modesty does not trump my baby's right to eat.  Period.

"If they have teeth, they shouldn't be breastfeeding."  Breastfeeding is nurturing and nutritive so I don't understand why teeth matter in this arbitrary age cutoff.  Some babies are born with teeth. . .should they not be permitted to breastfeed?

"If they can ask for it, they're too old for it."  I find this interesting because usually we're excited that baby can finally communicate and we're eager to respond favorably so baby continues to communicate.  Why is nursing any different than baby asking for a cracker or a cup of water?  My baby has been able to open my nightgown, push aside my sleep bra, and latch on for a midnight snack since he was an infant.

"Are you going to use a cover?"  I have used a nursing cover and I find that they draw even more attention to what I'm doing.  That said, I don't prefer to make anyone around me uncomfortable so I do try to minimize any possibility of exposing my nipples. . .because that's the thing that freaks everyone out, right?  A nipple.  I can show cleavage, incredible amounts of cleavage, all day long and no one thinks anything about it.  A little nipple gets exposed and the entire world goes mad!

"I get that breastfeeding is natural.  Peeing is natural too so should we just start doing that in public too?"  Comparing breastfeeding in public to urination in public is comparing apples to oranges.  One has to do with eating/feeding/comforting a baby and the other has to do with the end result of eating/drinking.  The correct comparison would be:  if a woman can choose to publically feed her baby the way her body was designed to feed  her baby, then I should be able to eat in public.  Oh, wait. . .you can eat in public!  So can a breastfed baby.

"Adults can look away and be mature, but kids and teens might be weirded out by breastfeeding in public so you should be considerate and cover up."  I've heard and witnessed more nonsense from adults than from children when I've nursed my baby in public.  If anything, children seem curious about this way of feeding a baby.  Breastfeeding will never be considered normal (and it is biologically normal for mammals to breastfeed) if we continue to cover it up and hide it away. 

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I am aware that bottle feeding mothers (whether the bottle contains breastmilk or formula) also face judgement and that sucks too.  My children accepted bottles for such a short period that I have no idea what it's like to have a baby take one and feel the weight of militant milkers all up in my baby's meal.  That said, I can't think of a single instance in which a bottlefeeder was asked to leave an establishment or a public place because they were bottlefeeding their child.  This does happen to breastfeeding mothers and it is wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong. 

I am thankful that society will eventually think nothing of nursing an infant or toddler in public and I hope that my children's generation is the one that decides that shaming breastfeeding mothers is as backward and wrong as racial segregation.

More Fun From My Son

I'm endlessly amused by the things by son says. . .except when I'm infinitely irritated by the same!

- We were at dinner with some friends and one friend is named Sally.  My son kept mumbling a song under his breath while eating and I ignored it.  I finally heard what he was singing when I took him to the bathroom.  "Lay down Sally, lay down Sally."  Relax, prudes, he wasn't trying to make time with her - he's just a Clapton fan like his Mama.

- Del Taco has a deal where you can buy 6 tacos and 6 burritos for a price break.   The tacos and burritos come in a special cardboard box.  My son is now obsessed with said box and my pervy mind gets plenty of lulz every time he says, "I love taco box." 

- My husband was explaining to our son that misbehaving in restaurants makes us unhappy and that the little guy would have to behave if he wanted to dine out at a restaurant.  Hubs roared with laughter when the boy replied, "That can be arranged."

- He knows that our family is getting a baby after Christmas, but that the baby is in Mama's tummy until then.  He lifted my shirt the other day and kept looking at my belly button which is an innie.  He finally asked, "Is the baby in there?"

- The song "Summer Breeze" by Seals & Crofts was on the radio one day and he said, "This is your song, Mama?"  I told him that I like the song and he patiently listened to my explanation of which song his Daddy and I had picked for our special song.  He said, "This is my song," when Van Morrison's "Tupelo Honey" came on.

- We were listening to "Hard Headed Woman" one day and he asked, "Who's this?"  I replied that it was Cat Stevens.  He cracked up and was laughing so hard that he couldn't even say his name.  I just know he had a vision of a cat singing and playing guitar.

- Thanks to a cartoon that he likes to watch, my son recently learned about the concept of forgiveness.  He got a boo boo from something that I did the other day (I can't even remember what it was) and he said, "I don't forgive you."  Understandably upset, I tried to explain that forgiveness and love go hand in hand.  He was having none of it and I gave up because it's not like I did anything to need his forgiveness anyway.  Today he asked me, "Mama, do you forgive me?"  I said he'd done nothing that requires forgiveness, but that I would always freely forgive him because he's my son and I love him.  His reply melted my heart and reminded me yet again why I am so thankful to be his mother, "I forgive you too.  Oh, I love you Mama.  I love you Mommy."

Kiddie Matinee is a HIT

My son is becoming quite the big boy!  For the first time ever, he actually sat through and watched a movie!  If you know my son, you'll realize this is a major accomplishment because the kid doesn't sit still for more than a few minutes at a time.  Not only did he watch the movie, but he paid enough attention that he LOVED it! 

He told me how much he enjoyed the "chickmonkeys" (that would be "chipmunks" to you) once he woke from his nap.  I asked which one was his favorite and he replied the red one (Alvin) was his friend.  Then he had fun hollering, "ALVIN," just like Dave Seville.

Just last year he wasn't able to be in a theater for more than twenty minutes or so. . .my little one is growing up so fast!

When Did You Stop Wearing. . .

your child?

I'm 17-weeks pregnant today and I still wear my 3-year old fairly often.  Yes, I know he can walk.  Yes, I know that he's not a "baby" any longer.  Yes, I know that several people think I'm totally bonkers for wearing him at all - especially while pregnant AND in the hot Summer months.

Why do I still wear him?  Mainly because wearing him is sometimes the safest and easiest option when we're in public and he's only 3-years old so his legs tire far easier and earlier than mine.  Also, he's pretty tall and it's becoming impossible to find a stroller that he can comfortably ride in for any long periods of time.  And, I confess, whether at home or in public, both my son and I like the closeness that wearing him provides.

I weighed him today and he's finally 30-pounds.  I realize that he's far from being a heavy load, but I know that my back will only continue to ache and it will get worse as this pregnancy progresses.  At this point, however, it's not that big of a deal to toss him on my back in the Ergo or the Boba or to let him ride on my hip in the pouch or the ring sling.

But the clock is ticking and I will have to decide pretty quick when I'm going to stop wearing him.  I don't want to bar him from riding on my back or hip too close to my due date because I don't want him to draw the connection that his loss of ridership privileges is the baby's fault.  Depending on how I deliver this baby, I may not even be able to pick him up for weeks afterward - let alone hitch a ride for extended periods on my body.  Besides, I'm assuming that I'll be wearing the baby all cozied up in a wrap so that only leaves my back available for toddler rides anyway.

So, back to my original question, when did you stop wearing your child(ren)?  Did you wear your kiddos during pregnancy?  When did you stop wearing them if you wore them in pregnancy?  Was your older child jealous that the new baby was being worn and they were not?  If you had a c/s, did the older child ever want to be worn again once you were able to wear them?

Happiness Tied to Sadness

One of my brother's children is out for a long desired visit.  They had never met before, but I'm pretty sure my son has a new best friend!  The kiddo wakes up and asks if he'll be seeing "cousin" at Grandma & Grandpa's that day.  He had the best fun today while cousin was trying to teach him how to swim.

Watching them play in the pool today was sweet, but it did leave me feeling a tender pang because I wish that my brother had been able to meet my boy.  The age difference between our kids is greater than the age difference that separated us, but I couldn't help thinking that the two of them playing was probably very similar to how we played together in our youth. . .so many years ago.  It's been over ten months and I still miss him so much that I find myself silently crying as I drift off to sleep at least one or two times per week.

Sometimes happiness brings up sadness and that was certainly the case while I was watching our kids today.

Things I Learned Today

1.  My nipples are much too big and my areolas are way too dark to wear a white shirt without wearing a bra underneath.

2.  I have no trouble discussing cervical fluid while eating breakfast and am even willing to indicate just how stretchy my fertile cervical fluid has been the last two times I've ended up with confirmed conception.

3.  I'm apparently willing to demonstrate (clothed, of course) how to check cervical position while eating that same breakfast.

4.  I will never again intentionally put off afternoon naptime if we've had a very busy morning playing with friends.

5.  My husband can make me fall in love with him all over again by simply taking our screaming toddler out of the house and enjoying father-son bonding at the park.

6.  Old, like really freaking old, slow cookers don't cook anywhere near as hot as my models and decades-old models will somehow leave onions still slightly crunchy after 9-hours of cooking time.

7.  Transferring pasta sauce from a slow cooker to a pot on the stove isn't advisable when the sauce is as hot as lava and the cook is wearing white. 

8.  Allowing a toddler to feed himself spaghetti is never a good idea and it's a really bad idea when he's wearing his favorite WHITE shirt.  (honestly, what was with the white shirts in this family today?!)

9.  My son trusts me so much that he will believe that it's his bedtime, even if it's still light outside, if that's what I tell him.

10.  I survived this horrible afternoon & wretched early evening so I'm pretty sure that I can survive anything!

So What Do You Call It?

I love words, but sometimes I'm unsure what words to use.  Case in point, what to call sexy parts when you have a toddler.  I'm on the fence on the issue and still not entirely comfortable with how I've chosen to handle the situation because I haven't exactly answered his question.

Penis and vagina may be technically correct terms, but they're so clinical-sounding and I'm not one to generally use such accurate language in everyday conversation.  My favorite names for genitals aren't appropriate for a toddler to use so I settled on calling my son's penis a "wiener" early on.  Wiener is such a fun word, totally neutral and almost universally liked.

I know that some parents will think I'm doing him a disservice by not using the proper term, but I don't care that he calls it a wiener.  I mean, we also call the lower abdomen a tummy or a belly when the stomach is not exactly in that area (it's more like intestines & reproductive organs) so it's not like we always use the most accurate term for human anatomy.  I don't see why I should a stickler for penis (hehe) if I'm not with other body parts.  And I'll bet that even the most penisy and vaginey parents are guilty not always using the correct term for every body part.  Specifically, most of them use the word vagina incorrectly whether they realize it or not. 

I have trouble with what to call girly bits.  As I stated above, my normal words for that part of my anatomy would probably cause some women to curl their toes.  Vulva is the obvious choice since it does, in fact, refer to the exterior area of a woman's nether regions.  I've thought about "vadge" as it is half of the name for the immediate interior of my lady parts and vagina is widely, though erroneously, used as the blanket term for the general vicinity. 

Why does this come up?  Well, because he still does occasionally see me undressed and he's asked, "What's that?"  My answer has been a simple, "It's Mama's."  Sometimes I'll just say, "Pubic hair," as that's technically what he's pointing at and, so far, that seems to satisfy his question. 

What do you call male and female genitalia when talking with toddlers?  Why did you choose the words you chose?

Children and Grief

I recently read a blog post about children and grief.  Naturally, it stimulated painful memories and I couldn't help but think of the grief my son was exposed to after I lost my brother and then again four months later when I lost my baby.  It's not something that most people think about and in an ideal world it wouldn't be necessary, but sometimes we do need to address loss and grief to young children.  

My 41-year old brother died unexpectedly in September. We’d always been close and I can say that I felt the death of my sibling so much deeper than other losses I've known. As I've said over and over again, you expect the old-ish and the ill to pass away, but you don't expect to lose your healthy siblings.  Losing a sibling so suddenly really makes you realize that your days are numbered too and that any of us can go at any time.  You can kiss your spouse goodbye in the morning and never make it home for supper that evening. . .

It was a horrible several months and the horror continued when I lost my long-desired pregnancy in January – four months to the day that I lost my only brother. I’m sorry that my young son has had to witness the depth of my anguish and my heart aches to think of the suffering he's seen at such a tender age, but I thought that it would be wrong to pretend that everything was okay when it most definitely was not. I know that some people thought that I shouldn’t expose a toddler to grief and I stuck with my own instincts, which were that death and grief are just part of life. Besides, I can attest that burying negative or painful feelings only works so long before they manifest in far more damaging ways.

My son just turned three and he sometimes talks about his Uncle and, more rarely, “The Baby.” He knows that they were here, but that they are gone now. We are Christians so heaven, Jesus, and God factor in my explanation and he understands that we won’t see them until we’re there too.  I can't stop myself from adding that it will be a long, long time from now.

I think it's important that children, even young children, know when losses occur that grief is the natural result. I'm still baffled that people thought I was wrong in letting my son know that my brother had died or that I had lost my pregnancy. What was I supposed to do? Pretend that they weren't gone? Ignore that they ever existed? Grief sucks, oh it does suck, but it is a part of life and ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

Was I wrong to let him know about death and grief? I don’t know, but the flip side is that one day soon I'll feel comfortable sharing with him that a new life is coming too. . .my estimated due date is the one-year anniversary of the day I lost my last baby. Life is darn funny sometimes, isn’t it?

They're NOT Your Boobs So You Can Just Suck It!

I recently read an article about so-called extended breastfeeding and it got me thinking.  Dangerous, I know.  But it made me wonder why it is that people (even pediatricians if you can believe it!) imply that breastmilk is no longer beneficial to the child once they hit their first birthday. Why would it be so wonderful (and it is) in infancy and be of no consequence (or a detriment) in toddlerhood?? 

It just makes no sense and it aggravates me to no end that so many believe that one-year is the maximum length that a child should receive breastmilk.  I know that I fully weaned my son at just at 13-months, but I have often felt that I should have let him nurse until at least around 18-months.  Yes, I believe that I weaned him too young.  After all that I've learned about breastmilk and nursing in general, I would go so far as to say that I feel that one-year is the bare minimum that I would want to nurse a child of mine. 

Okay, I heard the groans from some of you.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, get it out of your system so you can pay attention and you might actually learn something or, at the very least, get a little food for thought.  Here, I'll write what you're thinking so we can get on with it:  that Heather is such a hippie (guilty!), she's just trying to keep her son a baby (uh, okay?), I suppose she would have nursed him through High School (no way), what pervert wants to nurse that long (you need to look in the mirror to see the perv), doesn't she know it's not healthy to nurse that long - SCREECH - Stop!  This is the one that boggles my head.

I have found that even people who support breastfeeding for six-months or one-year will balk at nursing that goes beyond the first birthday.  I'm sad to say that even pediatricians are guilty of using this faulty logic.  What I don't understand is how someone can believe that breastfeeding is important for an infant, but somehow also think that the milky fountains should be shut off as soon as the child hits toddlerhood.  What do they think happens?  The milk is made fresh throughout the day so it isn't like it spoils or goes bad.  It certainly isn't unhealthy from a nutritional standpoint (and oftentimes is the only nourishment that the child will accept while ill or feeling unwell) so what exactly is so "wrong" about breastfeeding after the birthday cake has been enjoyed?

Does 18-months sound too "old" for breastfeeding?  Really?  One and one-half years is too old?!  Seriously?  I suppose it might seem that way to some, but understand I'm coming from the viewpoint that breastfeeding is the normal and natural way to feed, soothe, comfort, and generally "mother" our children and a 1 1/2-year old child is still very much a young toddler who needs all of those things.  I know it's popular to believe so, but our children really aren't mini-adults who need to be pushed to grow up too soon.

What's that you say?  It weirds you out to see a walking toddler suck milk from the source?  Why would that weird anyone out?  Breasts may well be fun in the sack, keep crumbs off your lap, and help enhance sweaters, but they do definitely serve a dual purpose and producing milk for human children is the reason our breasts are equipped with milk ducts.  Why keep breasts in only the "sexy" compartment when they are also designed to fill another purpose?  Don't hold back the ta-tas, they are incredibly versatile and really can fill many roles!

Sure, breasts are hot.  But breastfeeding isn't sexy, it's simply feeding a child.  If you wouldn't be disgusted or offended by a mother bottlefeeding, you shouldn't feel either negative emotion about a mother breastfeeding.

Interestingly enough, I don't have a lot of breast tissue, but they are sensitive and I'll admit that I did worry about whether or not I'd get "turned on" when my baby nursed.  I shouldn't have wasted my time on such a dopey thought.  Seriously, it turned out that breastfeeding is probably the least sexy thing I've ever done.  Let's start with the fact that I cried when I tried to nurse in the early weeks because it hurt so darn bad!  Thanks to that awful early experience, my advice to everyone is to see a lactation consultant while still in the hospital if at all possible because I suffered needlessly for far too long!  Once the initial seven-weeks of torture was over, breastfeeding was easy and awesome though it wasn't remotely sexy.  Sex literally was the furthest thing from my mind when my son nursed, but nipples dripping (okay, spraying) milk all over the place just doesn't do it for me so I acknowledge that your results may vary.

If you have an issue with seeing a young toddler breastfeeding, well, you're the one with the issue - not the mother and certainly not the child.  You can just suck it if you don't like it. . .just don't suck them or you'll likely get a knuckle sandwich courtesy of mama.

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The benefits of nursing your child until one year of age are well documented and known to most of the general public.  I thought it would be good to list out the benefits of so-called extended nursing (that is, nursing that goes beyond one year) for your baby:

- Nutrition.  Breastmilk is still nutritious and healthy for a toddler.  Sure, it's composition is different than what you'd produce for a one-month old, but a toddler is also eating solids and doesn't require breastmilk for all nutrients.  Understand that this does not mean there aren't any nutrients in breastmilk (honestly, that's about the most absurd thing I've ever heard), it just means that the toddler also gets nutrients from other sources.
- Decreased risk of illness.  This is huge to me because sick kids aren't any fun!  Breastmilk contains anti-bodies that are very beneficial to the child's immune system.  In fact, some of these immunological factors are actually increased in the 2nd year of lactation until weaning occurs!  Breastfed children suffer far fewer colds and illnesses than their formula/cow milk fed counterparts.
- Reduced allergies.  Breastfed children as a whole have far fewer allergies than their formula/cow milk fed counterparts.  I've read that this is due to having a healthier gut lining, but haven't really researched it as allergies don't run in our families.
- Confidence & Independence.  Seems counterintuitive to say that extended nursing will raise a more confident child, but studies have shown that it does because that child's needs have been lovingly met and the child received plenty of consistent nurturing.  Is it possible to do both without breastfeeding?  Sure, but whipping out the twins is easy, natural, and normal and I'm all about doing whatever's easy, natural, and normal.
- It's encouraged by experts.  Don't just take it from a middle-aged suburban blogger, listen to the experts.  Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization recommend breastfeeding beyond age one for the health benefits to baby and mama.  Indeed, WHO recommends it continue beyond age two! 
- Convenience.  Unlike bottles and sippy cups of formula or cow milk, your breastmilk is always there, always safe to consume, always ready for your child.
- It's comforting.  Toddlerhood can be a scary time for a child and most don't have the ability to express their concerns and fears so they throw tantrums.  Countless breastfeeding mothers can attest to the fact that a little comfort nursing can head off most tantrums and soothe even the most upset child.


In case the benefits to your child aren't enough, what about the benefits afforded you by nursing?  This list isn't specific to extended nursing. . .breastfeeding for any length of time is beneficial.

- It's easier.  Waking up at all hours of the day and night to prepare and clean bottles & nipples wasn't very appealing to me.  What could be easier than putting the baby to breast and then putting them back to bed?  One could argue that co-sleeping mothers have it even easier as they don't even have to get out of bed.  Heck, I didn't want to deal with bottles during waking hours either!
- Easier weight loss after pregnancy.  What woman hasn't lamented how they looked after delivery?  The body expects the mother to breastfeed and stores up fat to help facilitate breastfeeding.  The easiest way to move that fat off your body is to breastfeed!  Most, not all, women find that breastfeeding makes post-partum weight loss extremely easy.  Note that this isn't a green light to chow down on double cheeseburgers or you might find that you're just as heavy or heavier as when you were pregnant!  Remember that you only need around 300 extra calories each day while breastfeeding.
- Lowered risk of many cancers.  Breast cancer risk in particular is lowered through breastfeeding, but ovarian, uterine, and endometrial cancers are also lower in women who breastfed their children.
- Delayed return of menses and ovulation/fertility.  This is primarily true for exclusive breastfeeding (ZERO supplementation with solids or formula), which is recommended for the first six months of an infant's life anyway, but most women find that menses doesn't return for a loooong time if they are committed to nursing.  While it's possible that one may ovulate without experiencing a period, it's most often true that you aren't ovulating if you aren't getting periods.  Of course, you should use a backup form of birth control if you aren't exclusively breastfeeding.
- Increased emotional well being.  Prolactin, the hormone that helps produce milk, naturally promotes relaxation and relieves stress.  Speaking for myself, I always felt the world simply fell away when I was nursing my son and sometimes would be shocked to discover that I had actually dozed during the nursing session.  Given my history with insomnia, the extra rest was awesome!  Oxytocin, stimulated during let down, is called the bonding hormone because it inspires loving feelings.  I lost count of the number of times that I felt my heart would burst out of my chest with love and joy for my son while nursing.  Sure, my love burns for my son like the fire of a thousand suns, but my feelings were somehow magnified by the oxytocin while nursing.

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A friend of mine summed it up perfectly when she said, I'll paraphrase, if it's not your kid or your boobs why do you care?

My Favorite Tools for Breastfeeding

I was thinking about breastfeeding the other day and wanted to write a post about my disappointment over people's reaction toward so-called extended breastfeeding, but somehow it became a post about the items I really appreciated having when I was breastfeeding my son.  Perhaps you have something to add to my list?

My initial instinct is to just write "BREASTS" and call this post complete, but that wouldn't be the truth because I found that I needed more than just my breasts to have a successful nursing relationship with my son.  So here's a list of my favorite items that helped me nurse my lil' guy until he was right around 13-months old.  I tried to list things in order of importance, but realize that doing so didn't really work out that way for this list.


The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins - This book was like my breastfeeding bible.  It was so helpful every step of the way!  Think your baby isn't getting enough milk because they nurse a lot?  It's covered.  Think something is wrong with your milk because your baby is fussy or spits up a lot?  It's covered.  Think maybe you should wean because baby is "old enough" or you're too tired to nurse?  It's covered.  I referred to it so often that I am kicking myself for lending it out because I never got it back and I know that I'll want it again when this baby is born.

My Brest Friend - This nursing pillow was my absolute favorite for the first several months of my son's life because it made it so much easier to get him in a good position for nursing.  I really struggled with breastfeeding while in the hospital and part of it was because it felt that he was resting directly on my incision whenever he was nursing. . .thankfully, I had this nursing pillow at home!  It has a wrap-around design that stays put until you're ready to remove it (I actually was able to walk around and nurse only because of this pillow) and it was almost like a firm shelf that he rested on right under my breasts.  It also has a handy little pocket for stuff like nursing pads, lip balm, and nipple lanolin.

Boppy - This crescent-shaped nursing pillow is much more popular than My Brest Friend, but I didn't find it helpful at all until my son was around six-months old and older.  It was nice to have at that point, but I'm afraid that I may not have continued nursing if it had been the only nursing pillow available for me to use in his first six months of life.  I guess I'm saying that you might want to save the Boppy until baby is a bit older or you might find nursing somewhat discouraging.

Lansinoh Lanolin - I never used any other nipple treatments because this worked so well for me.  It kept my nipples supple and helped heal the wounds that I received to my nipples in the very beginning. 

Lansinoh Ultra Thin Nursing Pads - I had massive over-supply and I leaked constantly so I tried a lot of different nursing pads and these ones are THE BEST if you're a heavy producer.  These nursing pads held so much leaking milk that they quite literally would make a "squish" sound the few times that they hit my tiled floor.  Though the pads were totally saturated, I was dry!  Bonus: They did not leave any little fibers on my breasts like I experienced with other brands.

Lansinoh Ultra Soft Nursing Pads - These were my favorite to use when my nipples were tender or sore, but they did look a little funny under my shirt.  They were great in the beginning and anytime that my son experienced a growth spurt.  Why mention the growth spurts?  Because during a growth spurt it can feel like your infant is hanging off your boobs 24/7 and all that extra nursing can make your nipples hurt.  Bonus (again):  They don't leave any fibers to pick off your sore nipples.

Reusable Nursing Pads - A few months after my son was weaned, I no longer had to use my standard Lansinoh Ultra Thin disposable nursing pads.  However, I still had leaking issues and it took a looooong time for my milk to dry up so I turned to cotton nursing pads that could be washed & dried.  Of the mainstream (found in BRU) pads, I liked the size of Dr. Brown's the best.  The others I tried were too small and looked really funny under my bra.

Breast Pump - I have no proof of this, but I swear that lots of pumping in the early days is what set me up with a fantastic milk supply.  I used a double electric while in the hospital and switched to the manual Avent Isis at home.  It's quiet, inexpensive, and super-easy to take apart for cleaning.  Using the Avent Isis, I was able to get ounce after ounce after ounce of milk in less than ten minutes and, as a result, I had tons of frozen breastmilk that I could use to mix with my son's cereal once he started solids.

Breast Shells - Note that I am not talking about a completely different item called breast shields!  I liked Avent's breast shells and they were so helpful when my nipples were healing (after having bad latch for the first several days) and when I suffered with engorgement issues.  I had engorgement issues off & on for around nine months so I had plenty of experience with using these babies.

Cold Packs and Warm Compresses - These were helpful to alternate when my milk came in and I had the most painful engorgement issues.  When I was so full that my nipples were stretched totally flat, I found it helpful to lean over a big bowl of warm water and let my nipples soften up.  Funky bonus is that it looks crazy to see the milk swirl out of your nipple and in to the water. I also thought that spraying down the shower with my milky fountains worked too, but it required more effort.

Breasts & Nipples - Obviously these are necessary, right?  One thing you might not realize is that the percentage of women who are biologically incapable of breastfeeding is incredibly small.  So if you want to breastfeed, the chances are incredibly good that you'll be able to do it.  Small breasts, inverted nipples, and other issues aren't necessarily a roadblock to establishing a nursing relationship.  If you have any reason to think that you have (or may have) problems with breastfeeding, do seek out the assistance of a lactation consultant as soon as possible to get help and reassurance.

Fluids - I was so thirsty and drank so much water when I was breastfeeding!  I guzzled a full glass of water at every nursing session in the early months of breastfeeding.  Fluids are important for a nursing mama, but follow your own thirst cues and avoid fluids that are diuretics.

Rest - Silly idea, resting while breastfeeding exclusively, but it's sorta possible.  Some mamas have success with side nursing, but I could never make it work for me.  If you can manage it, you can snooze while baby nurses.  Let the house fall apart and lean on others for help wherever you can find it so you can sleep when the baby sleeps.  Why rest?  Because your body will have an easier time producing milk if you're not bone-tired all the time.

Baby Carrier - I liked a stretchy wrap for the early days, but a ring sling would also work.  Actually any carrier that's appropriate for the child and used safely will be a good choice.  Why wear your baby?  Because it's easier to spot hunger cues when baby is nearby.  I also found that I was more milkalicious and produced far more milk when baby was against my body.

Attitude - It's true in breastfeeding and any other area of your life:  Don't "try," just "do."  In other words, don't let your attitude be a contributor to failure.  Why take home hospital samples of formula if you're planning to breastfeed?  Leave them there and believe that you will not need them.  Believe that you can do it and you probably will.  I think it was Henry Ford who said it best, whether you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right.

Education - No, you don't need to become a lactation consultant, but ignorance is not always bliss and many women, even mothers, are not very well informed about breastfeeding.  Devour books and scour websites to learn all you can about breastfeeding.  Find out if you can have meet with a lactation consultant or if there are any La Leche League meetings in your area.  Talk with friends who breastfed their own children for any length of time and pay particular attention to those who were able to nurse as long as they wanted because they probably have a lot of handy information to share that they learned while breastfeeding.  Arm yourself with the knowledge you'll need to succeed.


Did you breastfeed?  What were your favorite tools for breastfeeding?

Makin' Whoopie!

Relax, Prudence, this isn't a post about a certain game show host's favorite euphemism for doing it. 

While hunting for party supplies and goodie bag filler, I came across a Whoopie Cushion.  Thinking of all the fun times I've had with Whoopie Cushions, I immediately started cackling and grabbed one for my son.  The cashier smirked at me when she rang up my purchase.

I explained, "It's for my son." 

"Uh-huh."  She already wasn't buying my line and raised a skeptical eyebrow in my direction when she started scanning the crayons, stickers, and number 3 candle.

"No, really, it's for my little boy." 

She forced an uncomfortable smile and said, "Right."

Okay, okay, so I think toots are hilarious and Whoopie Cushions are one of the most fun inventions ever.  So sue me!  Eh, whatever.  I paid and hustled home because I had some serious pranks to pull.

I got home and excitedly shared my purchase with my husband.  I told him that I thought it would be epic to hide it and get our son to sit on it.  The lil' guy was righteously nicknamed King Toot when he was only a couple of weeks old and he seriously delights in making his toots.

I readied the Whoopie Cushion and hid it under a blanket on one of the two chairs that are currently in my living room.  As a side note, I really freaking hate selling & buying real estate and I'm totally over this whole moving thing.  Anyway, the trap was set and I just needed to get the kiddo to sit on the chair.

I asked him to come to the living room and to take a seat.  He sat on my ottoman.  I kept my cool and requested that he sit on the big chair.  He climbed up and plopped down and

TOOOOOOOOT!

The look on his face was priceless!  His jaw dropped and his eyes were wide as he looked around at us.  I was laughing so hard that I nearly peed myself as I wrestled the Whoopie Cushion out from under him.  He realized that it was a joke and he started laughing too.

Now he is obsessed with blowing up the Whoopie Cushion and stomping on it while yelling, "Toot!"  Every so often he adds, "Oh, excuse me," after stepping on it.  I think it's the best impulse purchase that I've ever made. 

I'm either a shoo-in for Mother of the Year or I'm officially out of the running!

More Fun From My Son

My son was tugging at the front of his pants and I inquired, "Does your wiener hurt?"  His classic response?  "No, mine wiener's fine."

* * *

My son woke up from his nap today and asserted that he was three.  I agreed that he was.  Then he said, "Mama's FIVE!"  I replied that I was quite a bit older than that.  His response to a woman who is impossibly vain about her age?  "You're FORTY-FIVE!"  Gee, thanks kid!

* * *

My son had what I'm pretty sure were his very first hot dogs this weekend and he loved them.  I served Big Salad for dinner this evening and included kidney beans in the meal.  My son apparently thought the beans looked like cut up hot dogs and he declared that he loved hot dogs.  I let him know that those were kidney beans he was eating and he christened them, "Hot dog beans!"

* * *

My son asked for "more cookies" and that's not all that unusual because he loves to beg for cookies.  What made me crack up was the way he said it.  The best way I can describe it is that it sounded a bit like Pee-Wee Herman.  My husband and I really lost it when I got the lil' guy to say, "I am not an animal."

* * *

My son stripped out of his clothes right before bathtime and delighted in dancing around the house while saying, "I'm stinky."  Not for long, you little stinker!

Sometimes Choice is Not a Good Thing

I have a ridiculously difficult time making decisions, but I do like choices.  I assume that everyone likes to make their own choices and, in that spirit, I often try to let my son make some of his own.  For example, I'll ask if he wants to eat pasta or rice, pretzels or Cheerios, carrots or celery.  I also ask him if he has an opinion on the clothes that he wears.  He typically doesn't care and will accept any outfit I pull from his closet. . .and then there are days like yesterday!

My son is enamored with this song about monkeys and a crocodile.  He's not just enamored, he's obsessed.  He sings it ALL THE TIME and he fully expects your rapt attention even though you've heard this song at least 2,012 times - in the same day!

Since he loves this song so much, imagine how excited I was when I realized that he has a shirt with a monkey and a shirt with a crocodile.  I thought that he'd surely love to wear one of these shirts while singing his favorite song.  Read on to see what I get for thinking.

I made the mistake of asking him which shirt he'd like to wear.  First he said the monkey.  I took out the shirt and he insisted that he wanted the crocodile.  I took out the crocodile and put back the monkey.  That's when he claimed to want the monkey.  Do you see where this is going?

Silly me, I pulled the monkey shirt back out and then he flung himself to the ground while howling that he wanted the crocodile.  I wondered if I'd mar our freshly painted walls if I slammed my head against one.  I had no idea just how bad it was gonna get!

I made the decision (a fairly quick one too!) to put him in the crocodile shirt.  If CPS showed up yesterday to investigate a child who was screaming nonstop for 40 minutes, they never would have believed that this parental action is what caused the child's response.  And he wasn't just screaming for 40 minutes - he was crying and throwing himself to the ground over & over again too.  I give the kid an A- for throwing a nearly perfect toddler temper tantrum.  He'd have earned an A+ if he'd managed to mortify me by pulling this stunt in public.

I didn't just ignore the child as he was carrying on and, for some reason, I kept trying to help make him happy.  He screamed that he didn't want the crocodile shirt so I tried to take it off.  Of course, he pulled away and then yelled that he wanted the crocodile shirt.  Not ten seconds went by when he reverted to the original sentiment.  This didn't just happen a couple of times.  Oh no, toddlers aren't that easy!  We went through this at least five times before I finally just pulled the shirt off of him and threw it in the dirty clothes hamper.

He flipped out.  I grabbed the monkey shirt to put on him and he ran away from me, howling that he doesn't like monkey shirts.  Um, what?  Okay. 

So I let him run around without a shirt.  My rationale was that he'd stop yelling about these stupid shirts if he wasn't wearing one at all.  Ha! 

How did I finally restore peace to my home?  I put him in the monkey shirt. . .with the crocodile shirt layered on top.  I can assure you that it will be a long, long, long, long time before I ask him what he'd like to wear!

The 'okey 'okey

My son is a sweetheart and he's one of the few people on the planet who actually likes my horrible singing.  He begged me to sing "The 'okey 'okey" the other night.  It took a minute before I realized that he wanted me to do the Hokey Pokey.  Of course, I obliged and he surprisingly joined in for the little song & dance. 

I never knew just how much happiness I could feel while teaching my 3-year old how to do the Hokey Pokey, but I swear that my heart nearly burst into a million pieces when he performed it tonight for his Grandmother.  My son is such a blessing and a true joy.  Other than the flowers that he picks in the yard, I don't expect that I'll receive a present from him tomorrow for Mother's Day and I'm okay with that because he is already a marvelously wonderful gift.

What a Cool Kid!

Sometimes I pinch myself because I can't believe that I have such a wonderful son!  I love that little guy so much and I think he's so darn cool.  Here's the latest & greatest on my sweet boy:

~ I told him we were going to visit a friend and her son and he replied that he liked her.  I responded that I know he does.  Then he asserted, "I love her.  She's a nice lady."

~ He gets very excited on "school" days because he loves his teachers.  He chatters on about both of them and usually claims to love them.  Of course, he gets really shy when either of them are around and he'll hardly say a word.  He does, however, stare at them from afar. . .I think he's experiencing his first crush.

~ He lit up when I told him that we were going to visit one of his friends.  I asked if he was happy to see his friend and he said that he was and added that, "(child's name) my best friend."

~ He ran out of his room at nearly ten o'clock last night.  His latest bedtime stall tactic is to request socks so I asked him if he wanted his socks.  He said, "No.  I want PASTA!"  This is the same child who just three hours earlier made it very clear that he would not eat pasta that night.  I gave him socks and put him back to bed.

~ We were driving home yesterday evening and "Another Brick in the Wall - Part 2" came on the radio.  He said, "Pink Floyd."  I'm not really a fan so I blamed my husband.  Hubs claims that they've never listened to Pink Floyd together.  So how did the kiddo know who it was??

~ He was watching a program that he likes and the protagonist played three keys on the piano.  My son hummed the notes.  This might not be cool to anyone else, but I thought it showed a remarkable attention to detail and a good ear.

~ He flipped his fork and spoon over and began hitting the table, his plate, his placemat, and his cup.  I asked him what he thought he was doing and he replied, "I'm a drummer, Mama."  I let him know that we don't play drums at the table, but inside I thought his drum kit was pretty inventive.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!!

Guess who started spotting today in the middle of packing and wrangling a toddler who wants to play with every single thing being packed?  It's official:  My body freaking sucks!  Dammit!

Why?  Just why?  Why is this happening?

I'm only on Day 17 of my cycle and I stared at the toilet tissue for the longest moment, not wanting to believe what my own eyes could see.  And that's when the meltdown started.  It's still going on, but I'm hopeful that I'll stop my boo-hooing and get myself together in short order.

With everything else that I'm dealing with at the moment, why my period too?  And, if I have to have my stupid period, why did it have to come with cramps too?  So much for putting my hopes on the progesterone.

Boo-freaking-hoo. . .this is my FOURTH period since February 26.  Four friggin' periods in only seven stupid weeks.  Un-freaking-believable.

We Missed the Deadline

My husband said that we'd be out of our house this weekend.  I'm writing this on my laptop in our living room, so it's pretty obvious that we are still here.  Not only are we not out of the house, but I'm not even totally finished packing yet.  I've almost finished, but I still have a couple of closets and our kitchen "basics" left before I'm complete.  Then I can start storing our stuff.  I'm confident that I'll have us out of the house within the week.

Where will we be living at that point?  Good question!  I'm hopeful that I can get most of our stuff moved out in the beginning of the week so I can focus on finding us temporary digs to settle in at by next weekend.

I know this is going to sound horrible, but I'm glad that I'm not doing this by myself while six-months pregnant and wrangling my toddler.  I'm not happy that I lost my baby, far from it, but I suppose that everything really does happen for a reason.

Crazy is Contagious

I think my craziness has spread to my husband.  As I wrote a few weeks ago, we do nothing easy and we always seem to juggle too many things.  We've just added one more thing and it's like introducing a chainsaw to the tennis balls that we've already been struggling to juggle.

My husband said we could not only be out of our house (as in everything is gone, the house looks great, and we are living elsewhere), but it would also be ready to list in two weeks.  Two weeks!  FOURTEEN DAYS. 

If you've ever been to our home, you'll understand why I'm freaking-the-frack out right now.  We have A TON of stuff.  I want to say we have a ton of sh*t, but that's what you call other people's stuff, right?  Not only do we have a ton of stuff to donate, sell, and pack, but we have a ton of projects that need to be completed.  You know, the ticky-tacky BS things that never seem to get done; new handles on cabinets, replacing switches & plugs, and stuff like that.  I guess now is the time to get said projects finished.  Additionally, I have painted every single vertical surface in this house.  And, by painted, I mean I PAINTED.  I actually have three walls that are tan with chocolate brown sponged on - it looks like a leopard print and it's very cool, but it will take at least two, if not three, coats of paint to cover it.  I almost regret my decision not to paint everything white way back when we painted. . .almost.

Having a toddler in the mix makes things damn near impossible, but my husband says it will all work out.  Uh, my husband works six-days each week and at least two evenings so I have no idea why he thinks anything will work out in his absence, but I guess he trusts that I can handle it.  I don't know if I should feel flattered or annoyed, but I suppose I can handle it so I'm trying to feel the flattery.

I'm not afraid of hard work or putting in long hours, but I should also mention that I have a very specific reason for wanting to take it easy for a couple more weeks.  Well, it looks like I won't have that luxury, so I'm hoping for the best outcome with that situation too.  Either way, it will make doing this project even harder than it should be.

Wish us luck/pray for us/whatever it is that you do because we're going to need all the help we can get!

He's Becoming One of Us!

I freaking love my husband!!!  LOVE HIM!!!  I'm sure we seem like we're an odd couple to a lot of people, but sometimes I'm shocked at how well we get along and how we get each other.  That last bit is something that I never, never, never thought that I'd experience because I'm a weirdo with some crazy ideas.  My hubs may not always agree with my opinions (I think we're around 90-10), but he gets where I'm coming from and he understands me.

I confessed that I'm officially a hippie just last week.  It looks like living with me for nearly eight years has started to rub off on my hubs.  No, he isn't creeped out by meat and dairy products.  He isn't railing about the big business of childbirth and baby feeding.  And he certainly isn't eschewing deodorant and wearing patchouli.  But he totally supported me and my hippie tendencies this weekend.

We've resumed house-hunting and I always choose to wear our son when we walk through any property that is currently inhabited.  My thoughts are that it is far easier to focus on the faults of the house if I don't have to divide my attention to keep an eye on him.  Yes, I look for the problems in a house before I look for things that I might like about it - I waste less time that way.

Anyway, we popped in at a couple of open houses on Sunday; one we specifically planned to check out and one was spontaneous.  We aren't particularly looking in the neighborhood of the second house because it's geographically less desirable to my way of thinking, but we had time and we spotted the sign so we stopped.  I wore my son on my back in the Boba at the first house and I pulled out the pouch to let him ride on my hip at the second house.  I never have a stroller on-hand (since he outgrew his stroller), but I always have at least two carrier options in my car.

The agent opened the door and looked surprised to see my son was cozied up on my hip in the pouch.  She commented that the pouch was an ingenious way to tote around a tot and keep my hands free.  She wasn't snarky or anything; she just seemed to think that it was pretty cool that I was wearing my son.  I told her that I agreed that babywearing is a smart way to keep your kiddo safe and out of mischief.

My husband chimed in. . .

"This is normal in most parts of the world."

Awesome.  Totally awesome.

Vegas, Baby!

A few days ago:

As is customary, my son ran to my room and stood next to my side of the bed while saying, "Oh!  Hi Mommy.  Good morning Mommy."  I barely opened my eyes, cracked a lazy smile, and replied, "Good morning, Sweetheart." 

He crawled up in my bed and snuggled with me for a few minutes and I asked if he knew where we were going to go that day.  His response was priceless.  He said, "Vegas, Baby!"

He's definitely my son, isn't he?