I'll be 16-weeks in two days and I think there's some movement afoot. You know the kind of movement I'm talking about; the kind that makes you smile and offers further undeniable proof (besides a heartbeat, of course) that there's a tiny living being inside of your own body. Yep, I'm talking about fetal movement.
It started a couple of weeks ago. It was just a random bump or twinge that I could feel here and there every now and then. It certainly isn't what I remember fetal movement felt like. After all, I was pretty sure that my son was going to kick his way right out of my abdomen toward the end of that pregnancy and I kinda expected a stronger feeling. This was a far more subtle sensation and, had I not been resting when I felt it, it's something I easily could have missed.
Unsure if I was feeling fetal movement or just random gas bubbles, I forgot about it. Until I felt it again. A soft thump inside that wasn't accompanied by any pain. I rolled to my back to feel around and clearly felt my fundus (how's that for your word of the day!) a couple of inches below my belly-button and the hard little lump inside my uterus. I was trying to get baby to give a kick or throw a punch at the pressure of my hand, two things my son would have definitely done, but had no luck so I filed the incident away in my mind in case it happened again.
I've been noticing these bumps, thumps, & twinges for a couple of weeks now. There is no discernible pattern that I can see other than I only feel them when I'm at rest and able to notice that they've actually happened. I have been experiencing a bit of gas lately, thanks to that delightful side effect of pregnancy - a sluggish digestive system, but I'm beginning to think that it might be fetal movement that I'm feeling rather than gas bubbles.
I didn't feel any fetal movement with my son until I was well beyond twenty-weeks so this seems ridiculously early to me if I am indeed feeling fetal movement. What are your thoughts? When did you first feel fetal movement in your pregnancy(ies)?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
My Big Mouth - Weekend Edition
This was a banner weekend for my big mouth! Here's a sampling of some things that annoyed or amused those who were near enough to hear me.
I put all my eggs in my butt. - This might sound like a really gross fetish, but I meant to say that I put all my eggs in one basket and that basket is my butt. . .actually, that sounds horrible too. Perhaps I should have just left the conversation alone without my input. I kept trying to explain my comment and finally just had to give up.
It's really not funny. - This doesn't sound so amusing at first glance, but it was accompanied by peals of shrieking laughter that was brought on by thinking about my previous comment. What topic made me have such an opposite reaction of my words? A man who my husband knew was hit by a car a long time ago. I blame my husband for bringing it up at the height of my funny fit because it made me look like a heartless @sshole.
There's a biological reason why I sometimes have an inappropriate response to conversations and it's that I'm a dick. - Good excuse or nice try? You decide.
I don't expect to see a low bid paint job on a house that's priced significantly higher than any other house in the neighborhood. - What's that? This doesn't sound so bad? Well, it is when the woman of the house unexpectedly showed up and overheard this comment and the rest of my complaints about her house. Ouch!
He's being a joy kill. - Of course the last two words are transposed, but my head was hurting too much to even bother with trying to correct myself. No worries, my 16-year old nephew took the opportunity to crack wise.
I put all my eggs in my butt. - This might sound like a really gross fetish, but I meant to say that I put all my eggs in one basket and that basket is my butt. . .actually, that sounds horrible too. Perhaps I should have just left the conversation alone without my input. I kept trying to explain my comment and finally just had to give up.
It's really not funny. - This doesn't sound so amusing at first glance, but it was accompanied by peals of shrieking laughter that was brought on by thinking about my previous comment. What topic made me have such an opposite reaction of my words? A man who my husband knew was hit by a car a long time ago. I blame my husband for bringing it up at the height of my funny fit because it made me look like a heartless @sshole.
There's a biological reason why I sometimes have an inappropriate response to conversations and it's that I'm a dick. - Good excuse or nice try? You decide.
I don't expect to see a low bid paint job on a house that's priced significantly higher than any other house in the neighborhood. - What's that? This doesn't sound so bad? Well, it is when the woman of the house unexpectedly showed up and overheard this comment and the rest of my complaints about her house. Ouch!
He's being a joy kill. - Of course the last two words are transposed, but my head was hurting too much to even bother with trying to correct myself. No worries, my 16-year old nephew took the opportunity to crack wise.
Friday, July 15, 2011
The Lasting Ache of Parental Rejection
A friend was lamenting recently that her child's father is a truly absentee parent. They are divorced and, as is sadly often the case, the non-custodial parent seems to be confusing their offspring with their former spouse. He not only doesn't contact his child, but he doesn't even appear to want any kind of relationship with his firstborn. In his anger toward his ex-wife (I guess), he is willing to reject and hurt his own child.
Words can't express how I feel for her child. A lasting ache is created when a parent deliberately wounds their child. It doesn't matter why the injury occurs, though it frequently seems to be for completely selfish reasons on the part of the parent, and it doesn't matter how old the child is who has been hurt. Physical and emotional wounds may heal, scars may fade, but the ache remains and it will always be a painful reminder for the child. The sting of parental rejection never goes away - NEVER! The child may move on and appear to be fine, but they are painfully aware that they were rejected and hurt by one person who should always be there for them. . .their own parent.
I can only believe that one day this individual will regret his neglect and he'll realize that he missed out on quite a lot. No, not just that he missed out; that he CHOSE to miss out. He abdicated his position as father. If his child can somehow find the desire to forgive and try to forget this emotional abuse (and, make no mistake, that's exactly what it is), good. If not, well, who could blame the poor soul for staying far, far away?
The good news is that one can always choose to rise above and be better than that which was modeled to us. The most carelessly injured women can become the best mothers and the most heartlessly treated men can become the best fathers. We can always choose to do better than was done to us. Unfortunately, it doesn't always turn out that way and sometimes the abuse will continue to play out for generations. . .the root being one parent and their horrible decisions.
Parenthood is a great responsibility and it's a damn shame that all parents don't realize this fact and rise to the challenge of the role that they willingly chose to accept.
Words can't express how I feel for her child. A lasting ache is created when a parent deliberately wounds their child. It doesn't matter why the injury occurs, though it frequently seems to be for completely selfish reasons on the part of the parent, and it doesn't matter how old the child is who has been hurt. Physical and emotional wounds may heal, scars may fade, but the ache remains and it will always be a painful reminder for the child. The sting of parental rejection never goes away - NEVER! The child may move on and appear to be fine, but they are painfully aware that they were rejected and hurt by one person who should always be there for them. . .their own parent.
I can only believe that one day this individual will regret his neglect and he'll realize that he missed out on quite a lot. No, not just that he missed out; that he CHOSE to miss out. He abdicated his position as father. If his child can somehow find the desire to forgive and try to forget this emotional abuse (and, make no mistake, that's exactly what it is), good. If not, well, who could blame the poor soul for staying far, far away?
The good news is that one can always choose to rise above and be better than that which was modeled to us. The most carelessly injured women can become the best mothers and the most heartlessly treated men can become the best fathers. We can always choose to do better than was done to us. Unfortunately, it doesn't always turn out that way and sometimes the abuse will continue to play out for generations. . .the root being one parent and their horrible decisions.
Parenthood is a great responsibility and it's a damn shame that all parents don't realize this fact and rise to the challenge of the role that they willingly chose to accept.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Happiness Tied to Sadness
One of my brother's children is out for a long desired visit. They had never met before, but I'm pretty sure my son has a new best friend! The kiddo wakes up and asks if he'll be seeing "cousin" at Grandma & Grandpa's that day. He had the best fun today while cousin was trying to teach him how to swim.
Watching them play in the pool today was sweet, but it did leave me feeling a tender pang because I wish that my brother had been able to meet my boy. The age difference between our kids is greater than the age difference that separated us, but I couldn't help thinking that the two of them playing was probably very similar to how we played together in our youth. . .so many years ago. It's been over ten months and I still miss him so much that I find myself silently crying as I drift off to sleep at least one or two times per week.
Sometimes happiness brings up sadness and that was certainly the case while I was watching our kids today.
Watching them play in the pool today was sweet, but it did leave me feeling a tender pang because I wish that my brother had been able to meet my boy. The age difference between our kids is greater than the age difference that separated us, but I couldn't help thinking that the two of them playing was probably very similar to how we played together in our youth. . .so many years ago. It's been over ten months and I still miss him so much that I find myself silently crying as I drift off to sleep at least one or two times per week.
Sometimes happiness brings up sadness and that was certainly the case while I was watching our kids today.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Six Things I No Longer Worry About in Pregnancy
I was obsessed with a lot of stupid things when I was pregnant with my son. How stupid? See the list of things I'm no longer concerned about and judge for yourself.
My belly button - I was such a total spaz about keeping an innie that I actually would poke my belly button for several minutes each day in an attempt to keep it in. I never did pop an outie, but I can't really say if all my navel poking had anything to do with that outcome. This time around, I just don't care what happens to my belly button because suddenly sporting an outie would hardly be the worst thing I've ever experienced.
Weight gain - I really obsessed over my daily eating while I was PG with my son. I credit that attention with keeping my weight gain to a sensible 27-pounds. You know, I have totally given up any worries about weight this time around and am only eating while following my body's cues of hunger and fullness. I'm also only listening to my body when it comes to what I eat - with the exception of looking for calcium wherever I can handle it. Guess what? I've gained significantly fewer pounds at this point in pregnancy than I did before.
Stretch marks - I didn't get a single stretch mark on my body during pregnancy and that's great, but I did end up with a roadmap of stretch marks on my breasts once my boobs finished growing and breastfeeding began. Those stretch marks used to bug me, but I stopped caring about them when I realized that the only reason I had them is because my breasts grew so heavy with the milk that nourished my baby. I'm proud of what my breasts did and the stretch marks are just a souvenir of a very special time. I'm not saying that I want stretch marks from pregnancy, but I'm not particularly concerned about them either.
Hairy breasts - I don't have dog tits or anything, but sometimes I do get a few of these weird dark hairs around my areolas. I suppose it's a hormonal thing because it's not really a problem when I'm not PG. I used to be mortified by those hairs (as if I walk around topless all the time and everyone can see them or something), but find that simply plucking them out is a solution that easily works. And I guess that I don't really care about random hairs now since I just admitted to having them on a public site.
Acne - I suffered with severe acne as a teenager/young adult and it's a big deal to me when I get even a single pimple. I felt so horrible about the occasional breakout that I'd experience while pregnant that I'd have rather gained an additional 27-pounds of pregnancy weight than have another zit. I don't know if I can thank the progesterone or what, but I have a raging case of bacne right now (with a few facial pimples thrown in for god measure) and it's not that big of a deal because, let's face it, a few zits is hardly the end of the world.
Childbirth - I've previously detailed that a drug-free vaginal birth is like my personal holy grail. I felt like a failure for YEARS not achieving that outcome when I delivered my son. I changed my feelings toward my son's birth a few months ago in the wake of my failed natural miscarriage and I realize now that I just don't care how my children are born as long as they are born healthy and I am able to care for them. Cut out or pushed out, I just don't care.
Have I mellowed out because I'm older? Because I tried so hard to get pregnant? Or because it's old hat when it's the second, third, or forth time around? I don't know. I just find myself thinking about things that I feel matter more than these. You know, things like fetal heartbeats and the like.
What things did you worry about in pregnancy? Did you worry about any of these things? Did you find your concerns were lessened in subsequent pregnancies?
My belly button - I was such a total spaz about keeping an innie that I actually would poke my belly button for several minutes each day in an attempt to keep it in. I never did pop an outie, but I can't really say if all my navel poking had anything to do with that outcome. This time around, I just don't care what happens to my belly button because suddenly sporting an outie would hardly be the worst thing I've ever experienced.
Weight gain - I really obsessed over my daily eating while I was PG with my son. I credit that attention with keeping my weight gain to a sensible 27-pounds. You know, I have totally given up any worries about weight this time around and am only eating while following my body's cues of hunger and fullness. I'm also only listening to my body when it comes to what I eat - with the exception of looking for calcium wherever I can handle it. Guess what? I've gained significantly fewer pounds at this point in pregnancy than I did before.
Stretch marks - I didn't get a single stretch mark on my body during pregnancy and that's great, but I did end up with a roadmap of stretch marks on my breasts once my boobs finished growing and breastfeeding began. Those stretch marks used to bug me, but I stopped caring about them when I realized that the only reason I had them is because my breasts grew so heavy with the milk that nourished my baby. I'm proud of what my breasts did and the stretch marks are just a souvenir of a very special time. I'm not saying that I want stretch marks from pregnancy, but I'm not particularly concerned about them either.
Hairy breasts - I don't have dog tits or anything, but sometimes I do get a few of these weird dark hairs around my areolas. I suppose it's a hormonal thing because it's not really a problem when I'm not PG. I used to be mortified by those hairs (as if I walk around topless all the time and everyone can see them or something), but find that simply plucking them out is a solution that easily works. And I guess that I don't really care about random hairs now since I just admitted to having them on a public site.
Acne - I suffered with severe acne as a teenager/young adult and it's a big deal to me when I get even a single pimple. I felt so horrible about the occasional breakout that I'd experience while pregnant that I'd have rather gained an additional 27-pounds of pregnancy weight than have another zit. I don't know if I can thank the progesterone or what, but I have a raging case of bacne right now (with a few facial pimples thrown in for god measure) and it's not that big of a deal because, let's face it, a few zits is hardly the end of the world.
Childbirth - I've previously detailed that a drug-free vaginal birth is like my personal holy grail. I felt like a failure for YEARS not achieving that outcome when I delivered my son. I changed my feelings toward my son's birth a few months ago in the wake of my failed natural miscarriage and I realize now that I just don't care how my children are born as long as they are born healthy and I am able to care for them. Cut out or pushed out, I just don't care.
Have I mellowed out because I'm older? Because I tried so hard to get pregnant? Or because it's old hat when it's the second, third, or forth time around? I don't know. I just find myself thinking about things that I feel matter more than these. You know, things like fetal heartbeats and the like.
What things did you worry about in pregnancy? Did you worry about any of these things? Did you find your concerns were lessened in subsequent pregnancies?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
You Can't Keep Good Breasts Down!
I'm currently 14w4d pregnant. Though I went up a few cup sizes by the time I gave birth to my son, I was surprised that my breasts already grew by two cup sizes well before the end of the first trimester with this pregnancy. Hubs thought my twins looked luscious, but he was forbidden from touching them because they were painfully tender. If you've been pregnant, you probably understand. My sweater enhancers are no longer nearly as sore, but I'm thinking he won't be interested in my bodacious ta-tas because of a new development.
I'm leaking.
Yes, my breasts are already leaking. I'm barely in the second trimester and my bras have already been colostrum-stained by that precious liquid gold. I ended up having to wear nursing pads from around the fifth or sixth month on with my son and I'm amazed that my milky fountains have already kicked in hard enough that the overflow is spilling out. Right about now I'm kicking myself in the butt for packing all of my reusable cloth nursing pads - grrr!
It's debatable whether or not my body was built for easy conception and pregnancies, but my breasts sure as heck were built for easy nursing!
If you've been pregnant, when did you notice that your breasts started leaking? For those of you with more than one pregnancy, did you find that second (and subsequent) pregnancies yielded earlier leakage?
I'm leaking.
Yes, my breasts are already leaking. I'm barely in the second trimester and my bras have already been colostrum-stained by that precious liquid gold. I ended up having to wear nursing pads from around the fifth or sixth month on with my son and I'm amazed that my milky fountains have already kicked in hard enough that the overflow is spilling out. Right about now I'm kicking myself in the butt for packing all of my reusable cloth nursing pads - grrr!
It's debatable whether or not my body was built for easy conception and pregnancies, but my breasts sure as heck were built for easy nursing!
* * *
If you've been pregnant, when did you notice that your breasts started leaking? For those of you with more than one pregnancy, did you find that second (and subsequent) pregnancies yielded earlier leakage?
Monday, July 11, 2011
I'm Baaaack! (and possibly grosser than ever)
Guess who's back? I took a looong overdue vacation and gave my blog a break at the same time. Now it's time to shield your kiddo's eyes from your monitor because this blog is back up & running.
I wasn't sure if I'd be allowed to go on this trip since I've been on a travel restriction once this pregnancy began. My doctor made it clear than car travel would not terminate this pregnancy, but since the pregnancy did begin with a solid month of experiencing a majorly bloody mess, he recommended staying close to home so I could see him right away if further problems arose. Considering that I've had spotting after the initial daily bleeding stopped, it seems like it was prudent to follow his advice.
I saw my doctor on the 1st and we not only heard our sweet baby's heartbeat via doppler (I never tire of hearing that sound!), but we also were given the auditory treat of several jarring THWAP! sounds. Yes, that would be my baby kicking the heck out of me. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but this baby seems even more active than my son was in the womb. I might end up with internal bruises by the time 40-weeks rolls around!
The doctor gave a tepid green light to our travel plans so we set out after leaving his office. My husband was in the office with me and I'm glad I had his interpretation of what the doctor actually said versus what I thought I heard or I may not have gone. I really have a bad way of not hearing anything that a doctor says, any doctor, and it really is helpful to have hubs' ears help me out.
I should add that, much to our dismay, my pelvic rest has been ordered to continue. I don't think I've mentioned it in this blog, but I haven't been allowed to have sex since I got a positive pregnancy test and I bled for over a month afterward. I guess my pelvis must need further rest because I've had additional episodes of spotting in the last two weeks (I also did it for several days on vacation), but it really is getting old to not be allowed to sex up my husband. Heck, it was already old once the initial bleeding stopped and I was up for some action. Never let it be said that I don't sacrifice for my children, right?
I've been resting my pelvis according to the doctor's orders, but I find that I have scant spotting after I have an orgasm. No, I'm not getting a little self-love on the side. I'm embarrassed to admit that I've actually been awakened out of a sound sleep from the spasms of an O. Yes, really. Apparently all this pelvic rest is causing my body to behave like an unsatisfied teenaged boy and I'm getting my orgasms wherever I can. . .even if it's only from dreams.
Other than a couple of tearful hormone-fueled meltdowns in front of my family (I'm oh-so-classy, eh?), I had a great trip and feel somewhat refreshed. I only feel somewhat refreshed because I'm actually more fatigued now than I was just a couple of short weeks ago. I can't figure out what the problem is other than I did follow my doctor's orders and discontinued taking the progesterone suppositories (I weaned off vs going cold turkey, for those who are interested) while I was on vacation. So the upside is that my vadge is no longer a constantly drippy suppository-filled mess, but the downside is that I want to sleep all the time.
I've spent months feeling constantly wet down below, courtesy of the progesterone suppositories, and I was looking forward to finally being able to wear panties without a pad to catch the, uh, drippings. It is nice to not wear a pad, but I've discovered that my ladyparts are still a bit on the moist side. I don't know if I'm constantly feeling this sensation because I'm chronically horny of if pregnancy-induced leukorrhea has finally made an appearance. Actually, it could have been there all along for all I know and the melting suppositories just masked what was naturally occurring. It is an uncomfortable feeling, particularly with my history of bleeding and spotting, and sometimes I'm not sure what I might find when I wipe. Honestly though, as long as it isn't pink or red, I breathe a sigh of relief.
I'm over 14-weeks now and, though I've gained less than five pounds, I am inexplicably showing. This makes absolutely zero sense to me and fills me with particular dread because ALL of my maternity clothes are packed and gone. The few clothes that I still have in the house will have to last for another couple of months or I'll have to drag my old bones out to the store and do a bit of shopping before too long - bleh!
I wasn't sure if I'd be allowed to go on this trip since I've been on a travel restriction once this pregnancy began. My doctor made it clear than car travel would not terminate this pregnancy, but since the pregnancy did begin with a solid month of experiencing a majorly bloody mess, he recommended staying close to home so I could see him right away if further problems arose. Considering that I've had spotting after the initial daily bleeding stopped, it seems like it was prudent to follow his advice.
I saw my doctor on the 1st and we not only heard our sweet baby's heartbeat via doppler (I never tire of hearing that sound!), but we also were given the auditory treat of several jarring THWAP! sounds. Yes, that would be my baby kicking the heck out of me. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but this baby seems even more active than my son was in the womb. I might end up with internal bruises by the time 40-weeks rolls around!
The doctor gave a tepid green light to our travel plans so we set out after leaving his office. My husband was in the office with me and I'm glad I had his interpretation of what the doctor actually said versus what I thought I heard or I may not have gone. I really have a bad way of not hearing anything that a doctor says, any doctor, and it really is helpful to have hubs' ears help me out.
I should add that, much to our dismay, my pelvic rest has been ordered to continue. I don't think I've mentioned it in this blog, but I haven't been allowed to have sex since I got a positive pregnancy test and I bled for over a month afterward. I guess my pelvis must need further rest because I've had additional episodes of spotting in the last two weeks (I also did it for several days on vacation), but it really is getting old to not be allowed to sex up my husband. Heck, it was already old once the initial bleeding stopped and I was up for some action. Never let it be said that I don't sacrifice for my children, right?
I've been resting my pelvis according to the doctor's orders, but I find that I have scant spotting after I have an orgasm. No, I'm not getting a little self-love on the side. I'm embarrassed to admit that I've actually been awakened out of a sound sleep from the spasms of an O. Yes, really. Apparently all this pelvic rest is causing my body to behave like an unsatisfied teenaged boy and I'm getting my orgasms wherever I can. . .even if it's only from dreams.
Other than a couple of tearful hormone-fueled meltdowns in front of my family (I'm oh-so-classy, eh?), I had a great trip and feel somewhat refreshed. I only feel somewhat refreshed because I'm actually more fatigued now than I was just a couple of short weeks ago. I can't figure out what the problem is other than I did follow my doctor's orders and discontinued taking the progesterone suppositories (I weaned off vs going cold turkey, for those who are interested) while I was on vacation. So the upside is that my vadge is no longer a constantly drippy suppository-filled mess, but the downside is that I want to sleep all the time.
I've spent months feeling constantly wet down below, courtesy of the progesterone suppositories, and I was looking forward to finally being able to wear panties without a pad to catch the, uh, drippings. It is nice to not wear a pad, but I've discovered that my ladyparts are still a bit on the moist side. I don't know if I'm constantly feeling this sensation because I'm chronically horny of if pregnancy-induced leukorrhea has finally made an appearance. Actually, it could have been there all along for all I know and the melting suppositories just masked what was naturally occurring. It is an uncomfortable feeling, particularly with my history of bleeding and spotting, and sometimes I'm not sure what I might find when I wipe. Honestly though, as long as it isn't pink or red, I breathe a sigh of relief.
I'm over 14-weeks now and, though I've gained less than five pounds, I am inexplicably showing. This makes absolutely zero sense to me and fills me with particular dread because ALL of my maternity clothes are packed and gone. The few clothes that I still have in the house will have to last for another couple of months or I'll have to drag my old bones out to the store and do a bit of shopping before too long - bleh!
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