This was a banner weekend for my big mouth! Here's a sampling of some things that annoyed or amused those who were near enough to hear me.
I put all my eggs in my butt. - This might sound like a really gross fetish, but I meant to say that I put all my eggs in one basket and that basket is my butt. . .actually, that sounds horrible too. Perhaps I should have just left the conversation alone without my input. I kept trying to explain my comment and finally just had to give up.
It's really not funny. - This doesn't sound so amusing at first glance, but it was accompanied by peals of shrieking laughter that was brought on by thinking about my previous comment. What topic made me have such an opposite reaction of my words? A man who my husband knew was hit by a car a long time ago. I blame my husband for bringing it up at the height of my funny fit because it made me look like a heartless @sshole.
There's a biological reason why I sometimes have an inappropriate response to conversations and it's that I'm a dick. - Good excuse or nice try? You decide.
I don't expect to see a low bid paint job on a house that's priced significantly higher than any other house in the neighborhood. - What's that? This doesn't sound so bad? Well, it is when the woman of the house unexpectedly showed up and overheard this comment and the rest of my complaints about her house. Ouch!
He's being a joy kill. - Of course the last two words are transposed, but my head was hurting too much to even bother with trying to correct myself. No worries, my 16-year old nephew took the opportunity to crack wise.