Thursday, July 28, 2011

I'm Back in the Saddle Again!

I thought the Aerosmith song reference is appropriate because I'm finally allowed to get back on the horse. . .so to speak.  Giddy-up!

Some more good news from my OB appointment yesterday is that my sex restriction has FINALLY been lifted.  I haven't been allowed to have sex since I got a positive pregnancy test because I ended up experiencing over a month of spotting and bleeding.  I've continued to have occasional spotting episodes so it's officially been over three months of no sex up in my house.  Not only no sex, but total pelvic rest means no masturbation and no orgasms.  Nothing, nada, zilch, zip.

As I told my OB at my previous appointment, it's become a no man's land down below.  It's been so unused that I'm pretty sure that my daily shower is the only thing keeping the cobwebs out of my c*nt.  My special fun zone was totally shut down and out of operation.  I was seriously considering rubbing myself against random strangers on the street at one point to see if it would bring at least a tiny measure of sexual satisfaction, but frottage isn't really my thing.  That and I don't really want to be labeled as a sex offender.

I mentioned in yesterday's blog post that I still experience spotting episodes.  When do I experience spotting?  After orgasm.  Now, before you think that I've been flouting the pelvic rest rule and engaging in some masturbatory fun, I feel compelled to defend myself and say that I haven't.  Only the love and concern that I have for my unborn baby could keep me from going for it on my own.  Seriously, this has been a ridiculously long dry spell in my sex life.

So how is it that I'm coming?  Well, I've been experiencing spontaneous orgasms in my sleep.  Actually, they wake me up out of a sound sleep.  I know, I know!  I'm a 35-year old middle-aged woman, not a 15-year old teenaged boy.  It is what it is and I can't explain it.

My OB was surprised that I'm having what can only be called wet dreams.  I told him that it's not like I'm doing it on purpose and I have no idea why it's happening, but that it is distressing because it results in spotting.  Of course, if it weren't for the spotting that occurs afterward, I'd be pretty freaking thrilled with myself and mentally giving my snatch a high-five. 

After I explained that I'm not intentionally doing anything to make myself come, he casually mentioned that some women would kill to have such a pleasant wake up call and indicated that he's never had a patient tell him that they have a similar experience.  I don't disagree that I'm damn lucky that this is happening (again, if it weren't for the spotting, I'd be totally thrilled), but I find it hard to believe that he's never had another patient have spontaneous orgasms in their sleep.  He's been an OB/GYN for nearly 30 years and has probably had thousands upon thousands of patients so I can't possibly be the only one!  Later, in his office, I pushed him on that point. 

He insists that he's never had another patient indicate that they have had a similar occurrence and, due to the design of female anatomy and her sexual response, it's highly unusual to have a spontaneous orgasm with absolutely zero physical stimulation.  Yeah, I'm pretty familiar with what it takes to make me come so I already know that.  I smirked and nodded my head when he basically told me to not worry about it and just relax & enjoy.

I'm hoping to get some reassurance from readers that spontaneous orgasm is something that happens all the time in pregnancy - even if no one has told my doctor about it.  I mean, I can't be that friggin' unusual. . .can I?  Speaking anonymously, have you ever had this happen?  If you told your doctor about it (frankly, I wouldn't have if it weren't for that stupid spotting), what did they say?  My fingers are crossed that I'm not officially titled The World's Horniest Pregnant Woman.


  1. I'm sorry, but all I could take away from this is the image of giving my sn*tch a high five! :-P

  2. Mentally, Mandi, mentally giving my sn*tch a high five. A small difference to be sure, but a difference nonetheless. :)

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