Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I'm Definitely Patient of the Year

I'm a little over 21-weeks along and I saw my OB last week.  He reviewed the big ultrasound results from a couple of weeks ago and everything looks, in his words, "excellent!"  He was very happy to hear that I haven't had any spotting episodes since the last appointment and the baby's heartbeat sounds great. 

He commented that my weight gain (6 pounds total) is "wonderful" and added that it would be a bit on the low side if I had been at an ideal weight prior to conception, but he was happy with my progress since I was a little overweight to start.  Ouch!  My husband patiently explained several times after the appointment that, no, the doctor did not say I was fat and I'm going to choose to not obsess on the matter.  I guess it could have been worse anyway since he could have told me to reign in my eating and stop stuffing so much food in my pie-hole. 

As it is, he told me to keep doing whatever it is that I'm doing.  Um, that would be basically living on Sonic burgers, Del Taco tacos, and those vile little tacos (that are oh-so-freaking delicious right now!) from Jack in the Box.  Oh, and lemonade.  Lots & lots of lemonade.

It really should have been a quick in and out appointment because we were done within around ten minutes.  Sensing I had an opportunity and feeling like there was no time like the present, I decided to ask him about a few things that have been rattling around in my noggin.  Yep, it was time to talk about childbirth and placentas.  I asked my hubs to leave the room since the poor guy turns green when I talk about my placenta plans.  I'm nearly certain that my doctor was thinking, "Uh-oh, it's so off-the-wall that she's sending her husband away. . .what in the world is about to come out of her mouth?"  If he did think such a thought, he was right to be wary.

I chose to tackle childbirth first.  Thanks to the way that my HMO staffs OBs at the hospital, my doctor has no interest - financial or otherwise - in seeing me have a c-section.  That's great and I think it would be wonderful if that were the standard because I believe it means the doctor will be more honest when discussing the risks v benefits and less likely to use bullsh*t scare tactics to push a c/s in order to line their own pockets or manage their own time effectively.

Though I'm well informed and have taken it upon myself to get educated on the matter, he detailed the risks involved with each method of delivery.  I tried to tell him that I know all that and he asked that I listen because informed consent isn't really informed consent unless the patient is actually informed.  The logic of the statement struck a chord so I did listen.  When he was finished, I still hadn't made a clear decision.  He shrugged and said that there was no need to decide anything yet and I could take another couple of months to come up with how I'd like to birth this baby.

He didn't bring up certain things that I specifically wanted to know about so I came right out with what has been bothering me.  I will not disclose the specifics of my questions and I won't share his exact answers.  Let's just say that decades of dealing with pregnant females and their kooky questions is probably the only thing that kept him from doing a total facepalm during this discussion.

At the end of it all, I said that I'd rather have an elective repeat c-section and I am not willing to experience a trial of labor.  No, he didn't use any scare tactics.  No, he didn't push another c/s.  He simply stated the obvious and pointed out something I already knew.  I was already leaning toward another c-section since last January so I feel confident in my decision.  Of course, that's not to say that my thoughts won't change in the coming months. . .

He stood up, ready to leave, when I mentioned that I had one last question.  I asked The Question.  I wanted to know if the hospital would release my placenta to me.  I wish that I'd had a camera handy because the look on his face was priceless.  I really do think that I shocked him. . .his jaw actually dropped!  He recovered quickly and explained that he'd never been asked that question and he wasn't sure, but that he'd inquire about it on my behalf and get back to me.  He made a quick note, stared at me for a moment and asked why I wanted to take my placenta home. 

My response?  "I'd rather not disclose that information."  Yeah, I'm pretty sure that shocked him too.  I mean, I'm the patient who is basically an open book about every gross & weird thing that goes on in my body and I'm totally silent on this so I'm certain that he would like to know why I'm mum on the matter.

My husband groaned and rolled his eyes when I told him that I'd discussed my placenta with the doctor.  He was certain that there would be no way they'd let me have it because it's, as he calls it, "biological waste."  Well, I received a message yesterday from my OB and guess what?  I can take that bad boy home!  Woo-hoo!

Poor hubs shuddered when I told him the good news and remarked that I probably wouldn't be allowed to take it if they knew about my plans.  I said that they don't so it doesn't matter.  Then I gagged the poor guy out even more by suggesting that I might just plant it in the garden because it's supposed to be an excellent soil amendment.  I don't know that he'll ever eat another bit of produce that I grow again. . .LOL!

So now I'm looking for recommendations for placenta encapsulation in the Orange County area.  I will know the birth date since I'm having the birth scheduled.  Does anyone know anyone who provides this service?  Any help or advice would be appreciated.

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