Guess Who Has Morning Sickness Again?

I never experienced morning sickness when I was pregnant with my son.  Sure, I had queasiness for a few weeks, but I sure wasn't vomiting or feeling ill all day long.  I didn't really have any challenging symptoms other than a constant backache.  That entire pregnancy was pretty doggone easy and I've come to realize that I was ridiculously lucky to have a relative lack of pregnancy complaints.

It totally took me by surprise when I was sick as a dog while pregnant with my lost baby.  I couldn't even keep down water and weighing in at each appointment showed that I lost weight the entire time.  Since I had so many spotting scares with that pregnancy, I took some measure of comfort in my 24/7 pukefest because the theory is that your hCG levels are continuing to increase if you're continuing to suffer.  I still ended up losing that baby so I think it's entirely possible that the theory is complete crap.

I woke up feeling queasy this morning.  Actually, I felt a little ill last night before bed. . .I would have bet everything that I own that there was a skunk in our yard.  I didn't actually yak over the possibly imagined scent, but it was bad enough that my stomach turned and I had to swallow often to keep my dinner down.

I was struggling to keep down plain ol' water this morning.  I'd reached the point where I thought I might be able to keep down a piece of toast and maybe an egg.  Then the painters showed to do their touch up work.

I almost puked last night over the smell of a skunk that may or may not have even existed and now my house would be filled with oh-so-very-real paint fumes.  Wonderful, just wonderful.  Why, yes, I did end up tossing my cookies while the painters were here! 

I ultimately ended up feeling sick & queasy all day.  My nausea subsided enough in the early evening that I walked through two houses. . .I should have stopped after the first house.  The second house smelled so strongly of cat piss and cigarettes that I swear I can still smell it hours later.  Gotta love that super-human pregnancy nose!

My husband tells me that I look back on my son's pregnancy with rose colored glasses and that I had plenty of complaints.  Perhaps he's right, but it seems like I'd remember the really rough stuff.  I mean, I do remember how much my back ached.

I've gone up a cup-size in the last three weeks and, as a result, my boobs are killing me.  I apparently can't even keep water on my stomach without vomiting.  Thankfully it appears that that symptom is only around in the morning.  I've been spotting and/or bleeding every damn day for nearly a month now, courtesy of the suppositories that are helping to keep my uterine lining intact - thereby keeping my baby in my uterus.  At least, I'm inclined to blame the prog suppos since I've been spotting since I began to use them. 

Other than my nice cans and the lil' bun in my oven, it's really starting to seem like my body rebels against me when pregnant.  I'm rooting for Team Babyworks!

I'm EXHAUSTED!

One wouldn't think that painters would leave your home a colossal mess, but some apparently do.  I worked my butt off from 1:00 until around 9:00 today so that my family could sleep at home tonight.  What did I do that took eight hours?  I thoroughly cleaned my kitchen, two bathrooms, the dining room, and my son's bedroom.  I decided to let everything else wait until tomorrow.  What's left?  My bedroom, the den, and our living room.

Why was I so determined to be home tonight?  I actually had a few reasons.  One is that I just don't sleep well when I'm away from home and I feel sleep-deprived as a result.  Another is that I have yet to be slammed with first trimester exhaustion so I'm trying to take advantage of my current energy levels.  Finally, my son lit up when he saw all his toys and he was eager to sleep with his "animal friends."  How eager?  He actually ASKED for a nap so he could sleep in his own bed!  Let's face it, the kid is the only reason that I busted my hump all damn day.

The house, half the house anyway, looks great.  I miss color on the walls and photos of my family, but this hopefully won't be my house for much longer.  I hear rain at the moment so I suppose the exterior painting will have to wait another day or so.

Work, Work, Work

My family moved out of my husband's home this morning because 10,000 workers showed up to do some serious work.  Yeah, that's a slight exaggeration.  Okay, okay, a huge exaggeration!

A carpenter worked at our house much of last week and his work turned out perfectly fantastic.  We had our driveway poured at the end of last week and it was set enough that the crews can walk on it.  We had a group of tree trimmers, some guys doing miscellaneous work, and a crew of painters over today.  Oh, and the concrete guys showed up again so that they could finish the driveway.  The trees out front have been trimmed, the miscellaneous work is complete, and the ceiling retexturing appears to be halfway complete.  I'm estimating that we should be back in our house sometime this weekend if work continues at such a brisk pace inside the house. 

I've commented several times that I wish we had this work performed ages ago.  Isn't it always that way?  You live with things that bother you (whether it's with your car or your house) and you fix it so it's nice for someone else.

Relax? Yeah, Right!

~ My husband said we'd be out of our house by last weekend.  I have been busting my hump to get us out of this house by this weekend.  I've even got things that I use on a weekly (not daily) basis all packed up and out.  This took a crazy amount of effort on my part.

~ Now we are not going to totally vacate the house prior to selling it.  WHAT?!  So the plan has changed, okay.  That's fine, but if you know my husband, our son, or our dog, you'll completely understand why I'm freaking out at the prospect of keeping the house clean, in order, and "show-ready" until it sells.  Not to mention that I've already packed up things that I use fairly frequently because we weren't going to be staying here!

~ I'm in the process of explaining how to coordinate completely loading the portable storage thing as full as possible, getting it picked up and off our driveway, getting the driveway guys to fix our driveway (will take a week), getting everything that's left in the house in the garage, getting a place to stay temporarily while the outside and inside of the house is painted (this will also take about a week).  And tree trimming fits in there somewhere.

~ In the last seven weeks, I've experienced more days with blood flowing out of my body than I have had days without.  It's not like hormonal imbalances wreak havoc with your emotions, right?  Ha!  In a word, it's stressful and exhausting.  Well, I guess that's two words, but you know what I mean. 

~ My progesterone suppositories are definitely causing my body to experience symptoms very similar to early pregnancy.  Plus I get the benefit of spotting all the time - except the spotting stops when I rest.  Rest?  Yeah, when exactly can I do that?  I'd love to crawl into a wine bottle at night, but I'm not 100% certain that I'm not pregnant because I still haven't had a period yet.  And I feel dangerously close to spending another two hours crying today because:

~ I just discovered this morning that my husband will be working - again - tonight.  Indeed, he will be working three evenings per week for the next three weeks.  I guess six days and two evenings per week just wasn't enough time for me as a single parent.  If you know my high-energy son, you know why this is so distressing to me.  Put simply, I NEED the break that I can kinda get when my husband is around.

~ I'd finally got back in the swing of things, socializing and having fun with friends, and I necessarily had to pull back and get this stuff done at the house.  Except I guess it wasn't so necessary after all.  At least, it wasn't nearly as urgent.  Now I feel frustrated, angry, and isolated.

And people wonder why I can't relax.  I'm tempted to disappear on vacation for a couple of weeks.  The only problem with that is I'm pretty sure all work will stop until I return so there would be no point in getting away only to deal with the same bullsh*t when I return.

We Missed the Deadline

My husband said that we'd be out of our house this weekend.  I'm writing this on my laptop in our living room, so it's pretty obvious that we are still here.  Not only are we not out of the house, but I'm not even totally finished packing yet.  I've almost finished, but I still have a couple of closets and our kitchen "basics" left before I'm complete.  Then I can start storing our stuff.  I'm confident that I'll have us out of the house within the week.

Where will we be living at that point?  Good question!  I'm hopeful that I can get most of our stuff moved out in the beginning of the week so I can focus on finding us temporary digs to settle in at by next weekend.

I know this is going to sound horrible, but I'm glad that I'm not doing this by myself while six-months pregnant and wrangling my toddler.  I'm not happy that I lost my baby, far from it, but I suppose that everything really does happen for a reason.

Crazy is Contagious

I think my craziness has spread to my husband.  As I wrote a few weeks ago, we do nothing easy and we always seem to juggle too many things.  We've just added one more thing and it's like introducing a chainsaw to the tennis balls that we've already been struggling to juggle.

My husband said we could not only be out of our house (as in everything is gone, the house looks great, and we are living elsewhere), but it would also be ready to list in two weeks.  Two weeks!  FOURTEEN DAYS. 

If you've ever been to our home, you'll understand why I'm freaking-the-frack out right now.  We have A TON of stuff.  I want to say we have a ton of sh*t, but that's what you call other people's stuff, right?  Not only do we have a ton of stuff to donate, sell, and pack, but we have a ton of projects that need to be completed.  You know, the ticky-tacky BS things that never seem to get done; new handles on cabinets, replacing switches & plugs, and stuff like that.  I guess now is the time to get said projects finished.  Additionally, I have painted every single vertical surface in this house.  And, by painted, I mean I PAINTED.  I actually have three walls that are tan with chocolate brown sponged on - it looks like a leopard print and it's very cool, but it will take at least two, if not three, coats of paint to cover it.  I almost regret my decision not to paint everything white way back when we painted. . .almost.

Having a toddler in the mix makes things damn near impossible, but my husband says it will all work out.  Uh, my husband works six-days each week and at least two evenings so I have no idea why he thinks anything will work out in his absence, but I guess he trusts that I can handle it.  I don't know if I should feel flattered or annoyed, but I suppose I can handle it so I'm trying to feel the flattery.

I'm not afraid of hard work or putting in long hours, but I should also mention that I have a very specific reason for wanting to take it easy for a couple more weeks.  Well, it looks like I won't have that luxury, so I'm hoping for the best outcome with that situation too.  Either way, it will make doing this project even harder than it should be.

Wish us luck/pray for us/whatever it is that you do because we're going to need all the help we can get!

Packing and Moving with a Toddler

Working is completely and utterly impossible when you have a busy toddler underfoot!  I've often thought the previous statement when I'm trying to do things like cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry, but it has really become quite clear as I'm trying to declutter our house and pack up.  No, we haven't quite bought a house yet and our house isn't listed yet.  It's just that we have soooo much stuff that we need to get started right away.

I'd really like to begin working in the black hole that is our garage, but I can't let my son run around in that mess because I'm sure he'd get hurt or get into dangerous stuff (like poisons, pesticides, gardening tools, etc.) that we store in the garage.  So I'm forced to work in the house instead.  That sounds easy enough, right?  Wrong! 

My son will ignore me whenever I want his attention and, naturally, he's all over me when I want him to play on his own.  I've decided that the lazy Mom's babysitter (television) can deal with him while I try to work, but he doesn't want to watch TV.  He wants to play with Mama.  He wants to play with anything that I'm trying to go through.  He wants to mix together everything that I'm sorting.  He may not want to be a roadblock to my progress, but his actions are sure making it difficult for me to get anything done.

Have you ever packed up and moved with a toddler in tow?  How in the heck did you do it without going bonkers??

Something's Cooking

Just once it would be nice to have every aspect of life clipping along on cruise control, a relaxing drive in a sweet ride.  However, my husband and I don't live like that.  I suppose we need to feel the action to continue propelling us forward. 

We apparently think nothing of extending ourselves in fifteen different directions and this week is no exception.  My husband is having spinal surgery tomorrow morning, but we put something in motion today. . .something big and exciting.  No, it has nothing to do with penis; though that's big & exciting too - haha!  In addition to this particular thing we were working on today, there is another fantastically unique opportunity that is simmering quietly while he patiently awaits a response.

I can't specify exactly what it is that we're brewing and the ball is in someone else's court at the moment.  I know that I'm ridiculously superstitious, but my fingers are crossed.  More importantly, I'm praying that all this works out in a truly spectacular way.  In the meantime, the suspense is driving me insane!

Pinch Me, I Must Be Dreaming

My hubby is home today!  I think this is only the sixth Saturday that he didn't work this year and I intend to take full advantage of his time and attention.  I woke up early this morning with heartburn (how is that even possible?), but once I feel better I want to go on some fun adventures with my man.

Side note about the heartburn & therapeutic necklace update:  I've been wearing a hazelwood necklace 24/7 and, well, I think it's a sham so I'll be sticking with Tums whenever necessary.  The amber necklace, however. . .hm, I don't know if the succinic acid makes any difference in my body at all, but I have noted that I got pregnant after wearing it 24/7 (except at bathtime) for about a month.  Perhaps my body had an acid/alkaline imbalance?  Perhaps it's just a strange coincidence?  I'm still wearing the amber necklace, just in case it actually matters.  I guess I'm more stupid-stitious than I thought!

Work v. Family - Who Wins?

I don't know when I learned to read, but I've always loved reading as far back as I can remember. I rarely have time to finish a book these days, but I do enjoy reading magazines. My favorite magazines are Fitness, Car & Driver, Playboy, Cooking Light, Cooks Illustrated, and any magazine about parenting. I guess you could say that I have unusual taste in reading materials.

I feel like Car & Driver has been missing something vital since the departures of Patrick Bedard and Csaba Csere. Bedard's Libertarian-leaning articles were always my personal favorites and I thought his point of view was quite refreshing. I can't figure out why he left the magazine after more than four decades, but I guess it was time for him to move on. In my opinion, Csere did a great job as the Editor, but he did come across as rather arrogant about the magazine's obnoxious redesign a few years ago.

I'm still warming up to the new Editor (and I think it's telling that I can't remember his name), but the magazine layout is more pleasing to my eyes. I don't know why David E. Davis returned and I just don't care for his style, but what the heck do I know about running automotive magazines? All I have to say is thank goodness that John Phillips hasn't gone anywhere or I may have stopped reading C & D altogether.

The current issue of Car & Driver has an interview with Ron Gettelfinger. Gettelfinger has been the president of the United Auto Workers (UAW) for the last eight years and he's retiring in June. I don't do much to hide my dislike of unions, but this post isn't going to become a screed against those parasitic organizations.

Instead, I think I'll share the last answer of the interview. He was asked what he might have done differently. The Interviewer didn't specify whether he meant personally or professionally. I was struck by Gettelfinger's response. He said, "One thing, I look at my family and the amount of time I've been away and the sacrifices they have had to make in order for me to be able to do my job. I regret that. If I could do it over again, I would have tried to find a better way to balance my family and the demands of the job." His answer continued for a couple more sentences, but that is the main point.

Ron Gettelfinger is 65-years old. He may be a union man, but he comes across as a perfectly nice individual. He was elected to two terms as president of the UAW - the pinnacle of success for his industry. But, upon being asked what he'd do differently, he expressed regret that his family was shorted by his career.

I wonder how many professionals have the same regrets?

I worry about the regrets I will have once my own son is grown. I'm very glad that I can stay home with him now, but one day I do expect that I'll return to work. At that point I realize that it will be easy, tempting even, to work harder to buy more "things" to give him. But he doesn't want things. He wants my time and attention.

I hope I don't look back on my life and wish that I spent less time at work and more time with my family. I hope that in the battle between work and family, I hope that my family wins.

Why I Listen to Howard Stern Instead of Music

I like music a lot. One of my great regrets is that I never was able to take lessons to learn to play a few instruments. Yes, I wanted to play specific instruments. My parents said no so I have to satisfy my music lust by listening.

Generally speaking, I prefer to listen to Howard Stern if I'm in the car because I'm becoming a terribly sappy cry-baby these days. A song on the radio moved me to tears this afternoon. A freaking song had me sobbing like I had just watched a Humane Society commercial. You know the ones. They feature a bunch of filthy and pathetic-looking animals, quivering with fear in their eyes, while a sad song plays in the background and the voiceover implies that they will kill these animals if you don't donate today.

Anyway, I wasn't boohooing over a touching song like Dance with My Father by Luther Vandross or The Rose by Bette Midler. It wasn't an achingly painful song like That's the Way I've Always Heard It Should Be by Carly Simon or You Don't Bring Me Flowers by Neil Diamond & Barbara Streisand. It wasn't even a special song from either of my weddings: Unforgettable by Nat King Cole from my first or I Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley from my second.

The song that moved me to tears? It was Beth by KISS. Um, yeah, I'm embarrassed to admit that you read that correctly.

The longest sentence in history straight ahead: I guess the song made me sad because I had a difficult time trying to get a cake & some cupcakes ordered today and my kid woke early but wouldn't nap so I was exhausted and I bit my husband's head off when he walked in the door this afternoon. Then I stomped out to deal with the order. What I really wanted was to hug & snuggle because I was so frustrated with this cake business.

I know you're probably wondering what baked goods have to do with a KISS song. Well, nothing actually. But the lyrics made me think about how there is something special missing from our home when my husband is gone. He works so hard and he's gone a lot, leaving me alone with our little boy. Don't get me wrong, I adore my son - but I ache for my husband and I miss him terribly when he's at work.

Who knew that KISS could be so deep? These are the same, ah, sensitive souls who brought Western Civilization tender lyrical gems such as Let's Put the X in Sex, Love Gun, Calling Dr. Love, and Lick It Up. If you aren't a KISS fan, you probably think I'm making up the titles of those songs. I am not.

Perhaps I was just feeling mopey and the song brought my melancholy to the surface. Perhaps Peter Criss just co-wrote a sensitive song. Perhaps I should lay off the music until Aunt Flo returns from whence she came. At least I know what to expect with Howard Stern - outstanding interviews, unusual people, and the occasional Sybian ride. The best part is that the only tears I shed are from laughing so hard.

I'm Kinda Close to My Son

My son will turn two in one month. The longest amount of time that I have been apart from my son at any time is four hours. In two years, I have had four hours of time to myself around five times, maybe six. I guess you can say that my son and I are kinda attached to each other.

It's logical to assume that this prolonged closeness means that my son is a spazz when he's apart from me. Quite the opposite. When my husband or I drop him off in the church nursery on Sunday mornings, he shrugs off our kisses goodbye and starts playing. When I leave a room, he doesn't freak out. He's happy to explore his environment, even in new surroundings.

He does get bashful, coy, and even fearful from time to time, but his general mood is confident and sweet. I don't know why he has such a great personality. Is it because my husband has personality plus? Is it because I'm no slouch in the personality department? Is it because I nursed him so long? Is it because I wore him so often? Is it because he's always had me whenever he's needed me? Or is it just how his personality was from the start?

I'm not terribly comfortable leaving my son with strangers. Frankly, I don't like leaving my son with very many people. The thought of leaving him for a few hours makes my heart thump wildly.

I'm so thankful that I have the privilege to stay home with my son. As much as I loved work, and I loved it very much, I don't want to return at this point. The last thing I want to do is leave my son with a babysitter in a daycare while I work for wages outside my home.

All that said, if our fortunes turned and we needed my earning power, I'd return to work. It would be with a heavy heart, but I'd do whatever was necessary for the good of my family. I can't imagine how difficult it is for moms who want to stay home with their little ones, but who are financially unable to do so. Motherhood is tough enough when you're doing exactly what you want, so big hugs to you mamas who are working out of necessity.