Thursday, May 13, 2010

Why I Listen to Howard Stern Instead of Music

I like music a lot. One of my great regrets is that I never was able to take lessons to learn to play a few instruments. Yes, I wanted to play specific instruments. My parents said no so I have to satisfy my music lust by listening.

Generally speaking, I prefer to listen to Howard Stern if I'm in the car because I'm becoming a terribly sappy cry-baby these days. A song on the radio moved me to tears this afternoon. A freaking song had me sobbing like I had just watched a Humane Society commercial. You know the ones. They feature a bunch of filthy and pathetic-looking animals, quivering with fear in their eyes, while a sad song plays in the background and the voiceover implies that they will kill these animals if you don't donate today.

Anyway, I wasn't boohooing over a touching song like Dance with My Father by Luther Vandross or The Rose by Bette Midler. It wasn't an achingly painful song like That's the Way I've Always Heard It Should Be by Carly Simon or You Don't Bring Me Flowers by Neil Diamond & Barbara Streisand. It wasn't even a special song from either of my weddings: Unforgettable by Nat King Cole from my first or I Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley from my second.

The song that moved me to tears? It was Beth by KISS. Um, yeah, I'm embarrassed to admit that you read that correctly.

The longest sentence in history straight ahead: I guess the song made me sad because I had a difficult time trying to get a cake & some cupcakes ordered today and my kid woke early but wouldn't nap so I was exhausted and I bit my husband's head off when he walked in the door this afternoon. Then I stomped out to deal with the order. What I really wanted was to hug & snuggle because I was so frustrated with this cake business.

I know you're probably wondering what baked goods have to do with a KISS song. Well, nothing actually. But the lyrics made me think about how there is something special missing from our home when my husband is gone. He works so hard and he's gone a lot, leaving me alone with our little boy. Don't get me wrong, I adore my son - but I ache for my husband and I miss him terribly when he's at work.

Who knew that KISS could be so deep? These are the same, ah, sensitive souls who brought Western Civilization tender lyrical gems such as Let's Put the X in Sex, Love Gun, Calling Dr. Love, and Lick It Up. If you aren't a KISS fan, you probably think I'm making up the titles of those songs. I am not.

Perhaps I was just feeling mopey and the song brought my melancholy to the surface. Perhaps Peter Criss just co-wrote a sensitive song. Perhaps I should lay off the music until Aunt Flo returns from whence she came. At least I know what to expect with Howard Stern - outstanding interviews, unusual people, and the occasional Sybian ride. The best part is that the only tears I shed are from laughing so hard.

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