Friday, February 18, 2011

Are Tan Lines Sexy?

My husband and I were discussing sunbathing the other day.  If you know how pale the two of us are, you'd quickly realize just how lame this convo must have been, but we had it nonetheless.  It's official, we must have run out of things to talk about since we're kvetching about the dumbest topics!

Anyway, I scoffed at these horrible tan lines and my hubs was waaay the heck into them.  Like really diggin' tan lines.  He even reminisced about the tan lines his ex-wife sported.  I was surprised almost to the point that my mouth was going to hang agape.  After all, I'm a white chick who is a nude sunbather and I assumed everyone liked sun-kissed skin.  Turns out I was wrong!

He said tan lines are sexy because they highlight the very best parts of a woman's body.  I don't disagree that they call attention to boobs, butts, and the rest, but I also don't think they're sexy.  I mean, you'd know a snatch were there whether or not there was a tan line, right?!  So why is a tan line necessary to call attention to it???

I realize that I'm pretty damn free & loose about such things, but I see a tan line and think it's sad that the wearer didn't have the opportunity to sunbathe nude.  Honestly, there is little else in this life that is as appealing to me than the feeling of the sun kissing my entire body.  Completely and totally reaching every single part of me.  The feeling of being at one with all of nature is simply unbelievable unless you've also experienced such unfettered joy.

I sunbathed nude for many years and never gave much thought about my sun exposure.  Well, I gave plenty of thought about it the time I sunburned my nipples and my labia. . .other than that though, I never really cared.  I just feel like the sun lights me up and I love how it feels when the tingling of the sun's rays go running throughout my body whenever I'm lazing about in the sun.  It's my Summer poison and I love it!

Having neighbors (dangit!) and a kid (aww!) make it darn near impossible to chillax in the buff on my hammock in the backyard.  And hitting Trail 6 at San Onofre is even more out of reach, not to mention more illegal these days.  What's a semi-nudist to do?  Wear the smallest bikini she can squeeze her fat ass into I suppose.  I hate wearing a bathing suit, but you gotta do what you gotta do to not completely scandalize the neighborhood.

It's just as well, I guess, since my son seems entranced by my pubic hair these days.  Should I take that as my cue to stop being seen naked in front of him?  I don't want him to be all weirded out by nudity, but I also don't want to raise Oedipus.  I'm sure I'll end up writing a post about it, but does anyone have any thoughts on this?

What are your thoughts?  Are tan lines hot?  Or is an all-over tan sexier?  Weigh in below and I'll see you in the Summer. . .with or without a suit!  ;-)


  1. First off my favorite quote of the post was "I hate wearing a bathing suit, but you gotta do what you gotta do to not completely scandalize the neighborhood." - Love it!!

    As for tan lines, I never gave them much thought especially when it comes to the sexiness factor. Being blessed with naturally olive skin one would think I never needed to tan. However, in my youth I was laying out all oiled up on 32nd street in Newport with the rest of them.

    Heather, you are so right. The feeling of the sun on your body is just delightful. As for the tan lines...well they are just there.

    On a funny side note, your hubs might not think it so sexy if a different swim suit is worn. I once owned a green and white verticle stripped one piece. Well, yup I had a nice stripped torso after a full day at the beach. Not sexy at all. LOL! So for the record my vote is for the all over tan.

  2. Sarah:

    You have such amazingly awesome skin that it's unbelievable that you'd try to tan at all! Seriously, people tan to get skin that looks like yours! LOL

    My hubs is so white and his skin is so prone to burns that the poor guy is the only person I know who stays fully clothed at the river. I'm so glad that our little one doesn't have the same problem.

    We both LOLd at the stripped torso! That happened to me the first time I used a tanning bed. . .I guess they only changed out like every other bulb or something. I do purchase bathing suits with the tan lines in mind. Of course, if I'm going to be seen by the general public, I'm wearing a bathing suit that looks more like a tennis outfit. I call it my "mom suit!" haha