Friday, February 25, 2011

There's Fungus Among Us

I'm practically baking bread at the moment. . .WITH MY VAGINA!!  Yes, this is a follow up to the post I wrote around midnight in which I was soliciting a little feedback about vaginas from my female readers. 

I sent a message describing my freaky vaginal symptoms to a friend and she strongly suggested that I get a professional opinion right away.  So I bit the bullet and sent my doctor a message.  Thankfully, I never drink during the day so at least I won't cringe at anything I wrote to him. . .you all know exactly what I'm referring to! 

I kid you not, he responded in four minutes.  Four minutes!  I don't even respond that quickly to messages from my own family!  If anyone reading this is a Kaiser member and they are looking for an OB/GYN, I will totally give him a recommendation.  It's also important to note that he has a soft touch, if you know what I mean.

I'll spare the readership what I actually wrote, but I'm pretty good with words and I give disgustingly detailed descriptions so I didn't even have to come to the office.  Yeah, no kidding Doc, I wouldn't want to see this mess up close either - haha!  He replied that I gave an excellent description of a yeast infection and advised me to hightail it over to a pharmacy or drug store to pick up some Monistat.

He didn't give me any sex advice, but yeast infections aren't considered to be an STD.  However, I'm guessing it's not a good idea to sex up my husband at the moment.  And, honestly, why would he want to stick his dick in a minge that's making muffins?  Oh, Candida, you rascally wench, you've successfully staged a coup d'etat up in my fun zone and temporarily put my nether region out of commission.  Again with this no sex BS!  Grrr!

I've never had a yeast infection before and I have no idea why I suddenly developed one now.  Like I said in my previous post, I have been blessed with a remarkably low-maintenance vagina.  All I've had to do in my entire life is trim the hedges and keep the undercarriage clean and it took care of the rest.  If this is just a normal part of aging, I can confidently say that I prefer the alternative.

But I have heard from two women who experienced yeast infections soon after losing a baby.  I find that interesting and wonder if it has something to do with the cervix still being somewhat open or just being more prone to a fungal takeover due to shifting hormones or some other reason.  Of course, ignoring the doctor's sex advice to use rubbers probably wasn't the smartest move, but I had a logical reason.  Well, it seemed logical at the time anyway.

I was surprised to discover that a vagina afflicted with a yeast infection doesn't smell funky at all.  In fact, it smells remarkably normal.  I would have thought that it would have a bad odor or at least smell a little "off" down there.  I don't even have any terribly weird discharge or anything like that.  My point in mentioning these things is that it's possible to have a real infection without any really gross symptoms.  Uncomfortable symptoms, sure, but not horribly gross.

There you have it.  My husband's personal playground is shut down once again, meaning that the both of us will be grouchy for about a week.  So don't accuse me of having a sandy vagina because, as we now know, I have a yeasty vagina.


  1. crazy. i have only had one really bad one and that was during a very very stressful time in my life...thanks a whole hell of alot Phil! you will be fine and doing the nasty in no time!

  2. Don't put the medicine in there until you are totally ready to go to bed, lay down, and try not to get up. When you do go to the bathroom, it will be messy, but not too bad. I hope your kitty feels better soon! Give your kitty a rest for at least a week or more! Just some helpful advice from someone who has been there.

  3. Hate to tell you this, but I might have been thanks to your hubs..something on his hand/mouth/penis that your vag didn't like.

  4. eating yogurt regulary prevents yeast infections, something about the live cultures that yogurt has in it prevents them. Also my friends dr. told her if it gets really bad u give urself a yogurt douche, gross I know but my friend got a really bad one when she was going through chemo and she said it really works..oh yah heather I kinda thought u were nuts, now im sure of it... LOL

  5. @ Nikki - Have I mentioned how much animosity I have toward your ex?

    @ Heather - That stuff really is messy!

    @ Anonymous #1 - If it were because of him, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose! ;)

    @ Anonymous #2 - You think I'm nuts, but you're suggesting I douche with freaking yogurt?! Ah, okay then!

  6. The yogurt thing has been around a long time. Can't say if it works or not as I have only gone for the traditional medicated treatment.
    I recently read about sticking a clove of garlic up the vag to get rid of a yeast infection. I'm not trying it, but I'll give you major props for trying anything if you give it a shot.

    Hey what would be "crunchier" than sticking yogurt and garlic in the hoohaa? I say you do it.

  7. @ Jenny - I am sort of a hippie, but there is clearly an end to my hippie BS - LOL! I have a feeling that the garlic treatment (which I also read about!) would burn like crazy and it already feels so tender up in my ladyparts that I don't want to fool around with anything but that which the doctor ordered. My hubs declared that neither yogurt nor garlic would enter my hallowed halls - haha!

    BTW, I have heard of the yogurt "tampon" before, as you can see in the following post: