Sunday, February 13, 2011

I'm a Widow

An iPhone widow, that is.  Rest easy, my hubs isn't going anywhere anytime soon!

I want to send the biggest nasty-gram to Verizon for getting the iPhone because this stupid damned phone is rapidly becoming a wedge in my marriage.  I semi-jokingly refer to my husband's iPhone as his girlfriend.  Notice that I said "semi."  He's so enamoured with this freaking phone that I am officially jealous.

I realize there is hypocrisy at work here.  I am very chummy with my Magic Wand.  Oh, I adore the Magic Wand and it is absolutely my favorite "appliance". . .but I don't ignore my husband so I can make out with my favorite vibrator.  And I certainly don't tote it around with me!

I'm still incredibly desirous of my husband, even after nearly six-years of marriage, but I sometimes think he'd rather than play with his bitch iPhone than his young and horny wife.  We had a rare night out to dinner without our little boy the other night to celebrate my husband's 55th birthday.  I was stunned when he pulled his stupid friggin' phone out at the table once he'd finished his meal.  I actually told him that it was bad taste to play with his girlfriend while his wife was at the table.  Then I drowned my sorrow and frustration in a Grey Goose martini, straight up, with two olives.

Later that night, I damn near jumped off of him when I discovered the iPhone lounging so languid on my husband's bedside table.  Seriously?  She spends the night in our bedroom too?!  The Blackberry never did, but the iPhone does.  Umm, okay.

So what's the nerdy appeal at work here?  Why is this phone so damn captivating?  It can't suck him off, it can't eagerly spread it's legs, it can't do anything that I can and will do, but it gets more attention than I do.  What the heck is the deal?  I finally told him that he should just fuck it already.  Is there an app for that??

He tells me that I just don't understand because I don't have an iPhone.  Perhaps I don't understand.  I'm not a big dork and I don't give a crap about electronic stuff so I'll likely never understand.  But I still had to grit my teeth when he dragged me to the Apple store in the stupid mall on a friggin' Sunday so he could purchase baubles for his new love.  I notice that I didn't get any new baubles. . .

I have discovered that I'm not the only iPhone widow.  It appears that the iPhone seduces any man it comes in contact with and I know several frustrated wives.  Are you an iPhone philanderer or an iPhone widow?  Please share your experiences below!


  1. Well my hubby was an iPod touch widower for a little while. Since the iPhone for Verizon is so new and he just got it, it will be hard for him to put it down at first. I have the DROID by Verizon and play on it all the time. Lol actually I am reading and commenting right now from it.

    U might have to tell him or just take it away from him while he is home. Lol

  2. People lose their phones all the time. I'm just sayin.. his phone could be "misplaced". Caw!

  3. When Eric got an iPhone 2 years ago I was in the same place. He now wants to go get a new one and switch to Verizon, so I'm sure it will start all over again.
    I really don't get it, but I also don't have an iPhone. When I needed a new phone, I got the simplest one sprint offered. *sigh* I payed $100 for a simplified phone and I could have gotten a fancy phone that supposedly did everything but fold laundry for $0.

    Eric is planning to get a new phone next week so I will join you in iPhone widowhood shortly.