Friday, February 25, 2011

For the Ladies - HELP!

I have a very specific situation with my ladyparts and I want to get advice about it, but I don't want to send a message to my doctor because he probably already thinks I'm a hot mess. 

Curse you, Drunklestiltsken, for embarrassing me in front of my own damn doctor! 

My husband says that doctors are used to patients asking about grossness and we pay them to listen to our funky problems, but I am not prone to experiencing any freaky stuff downstairs and I totally don't want to describe my situation in much detail. . .let alone have someone pawing around down there when things aren't absolutely awesome.  I kinda pride myself on having a wonderfully fantastic vagina and I don't want anyone, even a doctor, seeing it and digging in if it's not as lovely as possible.  Yeah, I take extra care when trimming the hedges if I have a doctor's appointment the next day. . .just as I'd make the extra effort if I had a date with a sexy man!

What's a girl who is impossibly vain about her vagina to do?  Well, I put on my doctor's coat and hit the internet to self-diagnose what's going on at the Y. 

Aaaand the results are inconclusive.  Dammit! 

I'm leaning toward one thing, but I just don't know because I've never had a weird situation brewing down below.  I've never had an infection or disease or inflammation or anything out of the ordinary happen in my sexyparts so I'm mystified why I might have a problem now.  Seriously, I've had a remarkably blessed and resilient vagina for my entire life and this funny stuff that's going on isn't all that funny.  It's definitely funny queer v funny haha.  I'm sorely tempted to use some home remedies for the thing that I think I might be experiencing.  However, in the event that I'm wrong, I don't want to screw things up any more than they already seem to be down there.

I don't even want to indicate what my symptoms are because I'm so creeped out by the entire situation.  I realize now that I probably should have followed my OB's advice about both abstinence and rubbers, but I guess it's too late now.  I mean, you can't exactly put the cat bag in the bag.  Alternately, once you start going bareback, there's no point in going back. . .?

I told hubs that if the playground isn't back in working order in a day or so that I'd swallow my pride and contact my doctor.  Naturally, I'd like to avoid doing so because of the vanity I explained above.  I guess that I should bite the bullet at some point, but I so dread sharing this scene with anyone. . .even someone who is/should be used to see effd-up sh*t going on up in women.

Speaking anonymously, of course, have you ever had a weird situation down below?  What did you have?  What were your symptoms - please be as specific as possible?  How did you take care of it?  And do you think I'm being lame to not want to go to the doctor?

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  1. BTW, for you new readers, this post sufficiently explains why I'm sure my doctor thinks I'm a hot mess:

  2. Does it Itchy? Is it all red and itchy? Smelly? I can't help you unless your willing to share details please.

    mysticbutterfly37 at

  3. Well I have had a couple yeast infections. Luckily they were mild. A little discharge a little itch and a little smell. I hated it too. But doc hooked a girl up. It can happen when ur hormones change because of pregnancy or new things being introduced to the nether region.

  4. I'm pretty sure it's related to hormones since I had a D&C to deal with my miscarriage just a few weeks ago. It doesn't smell though. . .maybe I just caught it early enough.