Sunday, January 3, 2010

Tom Petty was Right

As Tom Petty so rightfully sang in 1981, "The waiting is the hardest part. . ."

My husband and I have been TTC Baby #2 since May. It took even longer to conceive my son, so that part of the wait isn't terribly surprising. But I am in the middle of the 2 ww and the suspense is making me crazy. If patience is a virtue, I guess I'm not terribly virtuous because I just want to know right now.

I suspected I was pregnant with my son within one week of conception. I know, I know, they say it just is not possible to exhibit any symptoms that early. But I did exhibit symptoms that early and, deep-down, I knew I was pregnant. The doctor's office told me twice that I wasn't pregnant, but I kept going back for tests because I knew their tests were wrong.

I'm experiencing similar symptoms now. Of course, it's a cruel joke of biology that so many early pregnancy symptoms mimic pre-menstrual symptoms. Tender breasts, slight bloating, fatigue, mood swings. I could be pregnant. Or I could be gearing up for another visit from Aunt Flo.

This strange period of time, this not knowing whether I am or not, is frustrating to say the least. There is no way of knowing if conception occurred. If conception did occur, there is no sure way of knowing if the soon-to-be-baby has implanted in my uterus. Implantation is what worries me the most at this point in the waiting. Late implantation often leads to very early miscarriage. I call those micro-pregnancies. There isn't even a chance to verify the pregnancy with a doctor before it's over.

I've had a pretty bad cold this past week and I actually treated the cold symptoms as if I were pregnant. Tylenol, vapor-rub, pectin throat drops, using a vaporizer at night. Being sick when you're pregnant sucks. What I really wanted to take was a decongestant with an expectorant and a shot of cold vodka. All no-nos when there is a bun in your oven. I hope and pray that there is one in mine.

I've tried to stay positive and keep my mind off of baby thoughts. I can't help but visualize labor & delivery, ponder baby names, and wonder who this baby will look like. Then reality hits and I remind myself that I might not even be pregnant and all this daydreaming is just that - dreaming.

I've been eyeing my box of First Response home pregnancy tests for the last couple of days. The box says that it can detect a pregnancy four days before a missed period. . .in 69% of women. I'm afraid to take it too early and have a false negative. I will definitely cry if I get a negative. I guess I can wait another week and hope for the advertised 99% accuracy.

I know ten women who are pregnant right now. TEN! It seems comical that I know that many pregnant women. While I'm very happy and excited for their good fortune, I can't help but wonder when my womb will be blessed. My husband and I are nice people. We're good parents. We provide well for our little one. When do we get our baby?

One more week of waiting. It really is the hardest part.


  1. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! And FWIW, I had definite pregnancy symptoms a good week before my period was due with all of my kids. ;-)

  2. Thanks - I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one. I should find out one way or another later this week!