As Tom Petty so rightfully sang in 1981, "The waiting is the hardest part. . ."
My husband and I have been TTC Baby #2 since May. It took even longer to conceive my son, so that part of the wait isn't terribly surprising. But I am in the middle of the 2 ww and the suspense is making me crazy. If patience is a virtue, I guess I'm not terribly virtuous because I just want to know right now.
I suspected I was pregnant with my son within one week of conception. I know, I know, they say it just is not possible to exhibit any symptoms that early. But I did exhibit symptoms that early and, deep-down, I knew I was pregnant. The doctor's office told me twice that I wasn't pregnant, but I kept going back for tests because I knew their tests were wrong.
I'm experiencing similar symptoms now. Of course, it's a cruel joke of biology that so many early pregnancy symptoms mimic pre-menstrual symptoms. Tender breasts, slight bloating, fatigue, mood swings. I could be pregnant. Or I could be gearing up for another visit from Aunt Flo.
This strange period of time, this not knowing whether I am or not, is frustrating to say the least. There is no way of knowing if conception occurred. If conception did occur, there is no sure way of knowing if the soon-to-be-baby has implanted in my uterus. Implantation is what worries me the most at this point in the waiting. Late implantation often leads to very early miscarriage. I call those micro-pregnancies. There isn't even a chance to verify the pregnancy with a doctor before it's over.
I've had a pretty bad cold this past week and I actually treated the cold symptoms as if I were pregnant. Tylenol, vapor-rub, pectin throat drops, using a vaporizer at night. Being sick when you're pregnant sucks. What I really wanted to take was a decongestant with an expectorant and a shot of cold vodka. All no-nos when there is a bun in your oven. I hope and pray that there is one in mine.
I've tried to stay positive and keep my mind off of baby thoughts. I can't help but visualize labor & delivery, ponder baby names, and wonder who this baby will look like. Then reality hits and I remind myself that I might not even be pregnant and all this daydreaming is just that - dreaming.
I've been eyeing my box of First Response home pregnancy tests for the last couple of days. The box says that it can detect a pregnancy four days before a missed period. . .in 69% of women. I'm afraid to take it too early and have a false negative. I will definitely cry if I get a negative. I guess I can wait another week and hope for the advertised 99% accuracy.
I know ten women who are pregnant right now. TEN! It seems comical that I know that many pregnant women. While I'm very happy and excited for their good fortune, I can't help but wonder when my womb will be blessed. My husband and I are nice people. We're good parents. We provide well for our little one. When do we get our baby?
One more week of waiting. It really is the hardest part.