Friday, January 15, 2010

The Vagazzle Chronicles - Part II

"Why are women so interested in improving their (vulgar word deleted) instead of improving their minds?"

That line wasn't uttered by me. Shockingly enough, it didn't come from Susan B. Anthony, Margaret Sanger, Betty Friedan, or Gloria Steinem either. It came from my husband as we were discussing the practice of vagazzling. If the term is unfamiliar to you, see my previous post about the practice.

I suppose I'm very lucky that my husband thinks having a brain is a quality that's as important as having a vagina. Maybe he feels this way because every woman has a vadge, but not every woman has a brain. He places high importance on the ability to form a cogent thought. He enjoys witty repartee. And he appreciates stimulating debate. My guess is that men who expect a vagazzled vagina aren't really looking for much in the way of deep discourse with their mate.

I was surprised that my husband knew about vagazzling. He started to tell me about it when he arrived home last night and I directed him to my blog post from yesterday. He chuckled and agreed that it would be unappealing to put his penis anywhere near tiny crystals. The idea of one getting stuck in his urethra finished it for him. I will not be vagazzling my vagina if I expect my husband to have sex with me.

But I think it's telling that he said that he wanted to see what a vagazzled vagina looks like. He spent some time yesterday trying to Google image it with zero success. Yes, I realize that he's a man and men require visual stimulation. But I thought it was interesting that a 52-year old man was aware of Jennifer Love Hewitt's personal grooming habits. And, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I'm incredibly curious to see what it looks like too.

I've come to a few conculsions after reflecting on the matter.

1. In direct opposition to what a highly publicized study recently determined, sex still sells. Her book will sell. Not because she's a great author, which I seriously doubt, but because the public wants to read the chapter about vagazzling.

2. Jennifer Love Hewitt is not just a vacuous Hollywood actress, she is a freaking marketing genius. The internet is abuzz about her vagazzled vagina. People are talking about her and her book. She's hot property because she has a sparkly vulva. And her coquettish revelation is genius since she's trying to sell something.

3. George Lopez isn't just a mediocre comedian, he's also a marketing genius. His talk show was somewhere between semi-tolerable to absolutely painful before the vagazzle bombshell revelation, but now the audience wants to hear what other titillating (heh!) tid-bits his guests might reveal.

4. We might not want a new & improved vagazzled vagina, but we are interested in seeing what it looks like. When will an attention whore post a pic of her bejeweled beaver? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it will be on-line before the end of the weekend.

5. Contrary to what Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, it seems that there is indeed something new under the sun. What will clever women think to do with their nether regions next?

I hope there will not be a Part III to The Vagazzle Chronicles, but I'm not going to make any promises.

1 comment:

  1. My hubby added an addendum to his quote in the first line of this post. "Because most men are stupid, but most men aren't blind." I love that guy!