Sunday, March 13, 2011

Klutzy McGee Strikes Again

"It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins."
 - Chinese Proverb

I've always been a clumsy person.  How clumsy?  Well, did you know it was physically possible to FALL OFF a big wheel and skin the heck out of your knees?  I can assure you that it can happen.  As proof that I have always been accident-prone, I broke my arm before I was even two years old.  Seriously.  And I won't even start talking about the time I split open my head or the myriad bumps, bruises, and whatnot that I suffered as a kid.  My mother affectionately (I guess) called me "Grace" in an ironic nod toward my klutzy tendencies.

I'd like to say that I outgrew all that childish awkwardness as an adult, but I didn't.  I've been in countless car accidents and all but a couple were totally my fault.  In what might be the most lame accidents ever, I have crashed two cars into buildings. . .buildings that weren't moving or anything.  See what I mean about being accident-prone?

While working, I was nearly crushed by a ginormous fire-rated file cabinet.  I also nearly set my office building on fire while grilling up some burgers on the barbecue.  I wish I were joking when I say that my nickname at work was "Calamity."

My latest stunt happened last night.  I ran to my bathroom to grab a clip for my hair because I was in a hurry to jump in the shower in the other bathroom.  This is something I do every single night, unless I happen to be washing my hair.  It's something that I've done thousands of times over the last eight years and I've never had a mishap occur.  Until last night.

So I ran in to grab a clip for my hair and I ran right back out.  I ran right back out and smacked the middle of my face into the edge of the door!  Stunned and seeing stars, I cried out and put my hands over my face.  I was sure that blood would start pouring out at any minute.  I hit the door so hard that I worried that I may have broken my nose.  When my husband finally got my hands away, he said I was fine and dismissed my concerns about my nose.

My nose and the space between my eyebrows ached all night long.  I kept jolting awake because I apparently touch my face a lot in my sleep and touching my nose makes me want to jump out of my skin.  I eventually was not able to breathe out my nose because my sinuses feel inflamed.  That means that I have been forced to (ewww!) breathe through my mouth and, naturally, now my throat feels dry and irritated. 

I wasn't eager to see my face this morning and I cautiously peered at a mirror.  You know, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.  Don't get me wrong, it hurts like a mo-fo. . .it just looks better than I expected.  I don't even have a black eye and my forehead isn't bruised.  My nose is pretty freaking effed up, but it's not as bad as it could be.

Why did I run into the door in the first place?  Uh, I didn't bother to turn on the light because I'm "saving energy."  It would appear that I am both klutzy and stupid.  Yay me?

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