- Chinese Proverb
I've always been a clumsy person. How clumsy? Well, did you know it was physically possible to FALL OFF a big wheel and skin the heck out of your knees? I can assure you that it can happen. As proof that I have always been accident-prone, I broke my arm before I was even two years old. Seriously. And I won't even start talking about the time I split open my head or the myriad bumps, bruises, and whatnot that I suffered as a kid. My mother affectionately (I guess) called me "Grace" in an ironic nod toward my klutzy tendencies.
I'd like to say that I outgrew all that childish awkwardness as an adult, but I didn't. I've been in countless car accidents and all but a couple were totally my fault. In what might be the most lame accidents ever, I have crashed two cars into buildings. . .buildings that weren't moving or anything. See what I mean about being accident-prone?
While working, I was nearly crushed by a ginormous fire-rated file cabinet. I also nearly set my office building on fire while grilling up some burgers on the barbecue. I wish I were joking when I say that my nickname at work was "Calamity."
My latest stunt happened last night. I ran to my bathroom to grab a clip for my hair because I was in a hurry to jump in the shower in the other bathroom. This is something I do every single night, unless I happen to be washing my hair. It's something that I've done thousands of times over the last eight years and I've never had a mishap occur. Until last night.
So I ran in to grab a clip for my hair and I ran right back out. I ran right back out and smacked the middle of my face into the edge of the door! Stunned and seeing stars, I cried out and put my hands over my face. I was sure that blood would start pouring out at any minute. I hit the door so hard that I worried that I may have broken my nose. When my husband finally got my hands away, he said I was fine and dismissed my concerns about my nose.
My nose and the space between my eyebrows ached all night long. I kept jolting awake because I apparently touch my face a lot in my sleep and touching my nose makes me want to jump out of my skin. I eventually was not able to breathe out my nose because my sinuses feel inflamed. That means that I have been forced to (ewww!) breathe through my mouth and, naturally, now my throat feels dry and irritated.
I wasn't eager to see my face this morning and I cautiously peered at a mirror. You know, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. Don't get me wrong, it hurts like a mo-fo. . .it just looks better than I expected. I don't even have a black eye and my forehead isn't bruised. My nose is pretty freaking effed up, but it's not as bad as it could be.
Why did I run into the door in the first place? Uh, I didn't bother to turn on the light because I'm "saving energy." It would appear that I am both klutzy and stupid. Yay me?