Friday, June 11, 2010

Terrible Twos Baby!

I used to think that I wouldn't mind having a dozen children if I could get a guarantee that all of them would be as easy as my son. For the most part he has been sweet, affectionate, eager to please, and easy to please. That was before he wholeheartedly jumped into the Terrible Twos. I'm beginning to think that Terrible Twos is a fantastically smart way to describe the my son's current stage of growth.

Here's how my day went today:

8:30 Heard the kiddo wake up and ran to his side. He woke up clean & dry - YAY!

8:40 The boy turned on the television (why did I teach him how to do this??) and began watching PBS Sprout.

8:45 Kiddo claimed he was hungry. He was not hungry. He was so not hungry that he literally spit out his egg. I made a mental note to not give him an egg tomorrow as the dog eagerly cleaned the dining room floor.

8:50 Gave kiddo his milky. Decided to allow him to take the milk to the living room, big mistake. He poured the milk out on the floor. The dog enjoyed lapping up the milk.

We had a lovely period between 9:00 and 11:00. However, I did find boxes of sugar-free Jell-O in my crock-pots - thankfully he didn't plug them in and turn them on. He also decided he wanted to eat a can of macadamia nuts. I did not let him eat a can of macadamia nuts. I didn't even let him eat one nut and he didn't take the denial very well. Other than that, we had a fairly good time together. We played with his blocks, we read a few books, we talked about the sounds that letters make, and we watched Sesame Street. I really wish that Sesame Street didn't make you wait until the very end before they show Elmo's World!

11:00 I dressed the kiddo so we could go to the park. I got dressed. When I next saw my kiddo, he had taken off his pants and underpants. I couldn't find his pants.

11:05 We went to the park. He had a great time playing at the park. Well, except when he didn't have a good time. Somehow he thinks that all of his friends should share their snacks with him, but he's grown quite stingy and possessive with his own snacks. What really makes me want to put my head through a wall is that they are usually the same type of freaking snacks. I guess Goldfish taste better when they are coated by the tears of the child you're stealing them from. . .

1:40 I discovered that we have a bird's nest under our eaves. I'm giddy over this discovery and I was sure that the rest of the day is going to be totally awesome because (in my mind - don't ask) the nest means I'll be getting pregnant soon. The day did not get better. Indeed, it only went downhill.

1:45 Made stir-fry for lunch since he ate so poorly at breakfast. He loves stir-fry. He did not love this stir-fry. He poured his milk all over the table and, while I ran for a microfiber cloth to clean it up, he overturned his plate - his still quite full plate - of lunch all over the table. The dog would not eat the stir-fry. I wanted to cry when my son then began to beg for my lunch. The lunch that was THE EXACT SAME THING HE HAD JUST THREW ALL OVER THE TABLE!!!

1:50 My son went on a tear and began throwing crap, I mean toys, all over the living room. I tried a few tactics to get him to clean up his mess: I yelled, I showed him the Sad Spoon, I put him in time out, I cried. I ultimately decided that the best course of action would be to take away his beloved Elmo for the rest of the day. Our entire front room is red & fuzzy at this point, so I picked one of his favorite new Elmo toys. He flipped out! But he immediately began to pick up his mess when I threatened to take another Elmo toy for the rest of the day. Yay for torturing your children!!

2:00 I put the boy down for a nap as soon as he finished cleaning his mess in the living room. Thank the Lord that he went right to sleep! I could not go to sleep as I was expecting a visitor at any moment.

3:00 My visitor was an hour late.

3:40 My visitor left and I decided to try to rest.

3:45 My husband walked in the door.

4:00 My son woke up.

I'm a loving and giving person. I lovingly gave my husband the opportunity to spend some quality time with our son while I hid in the kitchen. I mean, I worked on preparing dinner.

6:00 About 25 minutes into cooking, I discovered that one of my casserole dishes must have a hairline crack. I wanted to run away from home at this point.

6:15 Dinner was nearly finished and I returned to the living room. IT WAS DESTROYED! Books, toys, blanket, dining dishes (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!), stuffed animals, you name it. I told him that he had to clean up his mess before we could eat dinner. Considering how the day had gone at this point, I shouldn't have been surprised that he threw a tantrum and knocked over an entire stack of his books. I hit the roof. He ended up in a time out and, when the time out was over, he lost an Elmo plushie - the laughing & giggling one. I must admit that I felt horrible when he cried real tears while begging for "Lala." This newfound tactic worked though and he cleaned it all up.

6:30 I've made tater tot casserole plenty of times as it is an easy recipe and my son absolutely loves it. I screwed up the tater tot casserole and my son did not love it. He did not love it so much that he cried throughout dinner. I must have used the strongest onions in history because all I tasted was onion with every bite. I love onions, probably use one each day, but it was pretty foul.

6:45 My husband, bless his heart, bathed our son and put the little one to bed.

The Terrible Twos. . .they can't possibly get any more terrible than this can they??


  1. Aw... I'm still waiting for the terrible twos to end and my oldest is five. I'll let you know.

  2. Ha! That's not encouraging! LOL!

  3. I have to say that I laughed my ass off when i read this. I can remember this all too well. I have a 12 year old that thows fits about having to clean up her room and taking crap from her does not phase her either. I dont think they grow out of the terrible twos.

  4. Ha! I've been hoping that this is a temporary attitude that he's been sporting lately, but it doesn't sound like they grow out of it!