Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sadness in My Mailbox

I broke down in tears yesterday when I received the mail.  What arrived in my mailbox to make me cry like a little baby?  A catalog.  To be specific, it was a Hickory Farms catalog.

Why did a Hickory Farms catalog make me cry?  Was it because I'm back on Weight Watchers, but those fatty summer sausages and cheese logs are so darned delicious?  Was it because I love their candy baskets?  No, it was because I sent Hickory Farms offerings to my brother for Christmas for the last several years.

I had been enjoying a couple of weeks without any tears, so I guess that I was due to have a crying jag.  I stared at that stupid catalog, bitter tears streaming down my cheeks, and longed to make a purchase that I thought he'd like.  I'm afraid that the holiday season will be terribly difficult this year and it just hit me that I'll never make a purchase for my brother ever again.


  1. You can always purchase small things for him, and leave it for him somewhere, flowers, small stuffed animals, small christmas trees, etc. People do that all the time and leave them by the person's tablets where they were buried. I know that it's tough, but sometimes visiting them and buying them small things can make you feel better. You could also donate money to a charity or buy a star in his name when you want to purchase something for him! That might help to make you feel a little better. It might even make him proud, as you know he is always watching out for you.

  2. I got the same catalog in the mail yesterday, and I reacted the same way. It made me think of him - not that I need any help when it comes to that. I've not been doing well of late. I think it's the impending doom of the holidays. The way the holiday schedule falls this year, I will be alone for a lot of the time I have off from work. These are the times when I wish for a fast forward button...

  3. @ Heather - Those are very nice suggestions; thank you.

    @ Pam - I'm sorry; I can't even imagine how you must feel. If your boys won't be with you this year, do you want to fly out here and be with us? We have the room and we'd love to have you if you're able to make it.

  4. I know exactly how you feel- it's been almost ten years since I lost my brother and I still tear up during the Lord's Prayer at church because I always remember how we used to hold hands during that part of mass. It gets better, but you'll still have those moments for years to come. And frankly I wouldn't want to NOT have those moments occasionally, because it would mean I was forgetting him.

  5. That's a wonderful way to look at it, Brandislee. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint.