Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A Short Pity Party

This is a short post because I'm feeling pretty rocky today and I haven't really improved as the day has progressed.  I feel exhausted physically and wiped out emotionally.

I did speak with an OB nurse/midwife today and, as is typical for the health professionals that I've been dealing with lately, she wasn't all that concerned about my spotting or the fact that the two ultrasounds I had performed on Sunday evening couldn't find a baby in the gestational sac.  I was told, again, that both of these things aren't all that uncommon this early in pregnancy.  Pardon me if I find it something to be concerned about; it is my baby (or lack of baby) after all.  She did, however, indicate that my hCG levels from Sunday night's testing are right where they would expect them to be at this point.

I guess the fact that I had been trying to conceive for 19-months and that I'm over 35 years of age doesn't warrant an immediate appointment with the doctor.  My first appointment with an obstetrician is still scheduled for 12/27 (that's 19 days from today!) because apparently my concerns aren't a concern for anyone else who might move my appointment up a week or more.

I should mention that, based on their practice of dating pregnancy by date of last menstrual period, I will be considered 6-weeks pregnant tomorrow.  I should also mention that I not only could see my son via ultrasound at that point, but we also heard his heartbeat.  To say that I'm nervous about this pregnancy would be an understatement.  I'm terrified. 

What if I miscarried with all that spotting and I just don't realize it yet?  What if a baby never does form in the gestational sac?  What if the baby is there by now and there is a major problem that will result in a loss?  I feel like I'm in constant prayer and I'm begging for this baby and pleading for it to be perfectly healthy.

I miss my husband.  I want him here with me right now.  I need him here.  Tomorrow afternoon can't come soon enough.  I hate that he had to leave me in this situation.  Naturally, my son has been extra-clingy because he misses his father and the poor little guy is definitely picking up on my nervousness.  You parents out there can probably figure out just how much rest I've been able to have in my husband's absence.

So that's it.  There's my pity party post for the evening.  Have any of you had a similar situation (empty gestational sac prior to 6-weeks gestation) that you're comfortable sharing?  If so, please share the outcome. . .I just feel like I'm afraid to get too attached (tough to do when I already refer to the child by name) if a baby doesn't/hasn't formed and I'm looking for a little reassurance.


  1. I never had a ultrasound that early, but I can tell you that with my second son I spotted VERY badly at the beginning (5-7 weeks along), so much so that I really thought I was losing him. I called the doctor and although they got me in for HCG blood tests, they did not seem overly concerned about it and did not do an ultrasound right away. I stopped bleeding around 9 weeks and everything was great from then on out! Hang in there, girl. I will keep saying prayers for you!!

  2. With my first baby I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and the doc couldn't find anything... no baby, not even a sac. He assured me that this was very common and not to worry. He rescheduled me for 8 weeks, and sure enough the baby was a-okay and easy to find at that point! He is now a very opinionated 5-year-old.

    With my 2nd and 3rd babies, I had bleeding (not spotting, but full-on heaviest day-of-my-period BLEEDING!) at 14 weeks and 12 weeks respectively. Each time I was devastated and certain I was losing the baby. And each time it turned out that my placenta was low and touching the cervix, thus causing the bleeding. Each time, by my 20 week ultrasound, the placenta had moved way up and everything progressed normally. :)

    The fact that your HCG levels are where they should be is a REALLY good sign! I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress over it (and yes, I hated when I was bleeding and people would tell me not to stress over it). A calm mommy is the best gift you can give this little one right now.

    If you need anything at all, or just want to talk, I'm here for you anytime, 24/7. And I truly mean day or night!

  3. Oh Heather, I am so sorry for all the stress you are going though with this. I have heard quite a few stories of the ultra sound not showing anything at the early appointment, and then everything being fine a few weeks later. Try to relax, I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

  4. Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences! It has really helped soothe my fears. I had my levels tested again today and I'm at 13,000 - I was 4,000 on Sunday evening. I feel pretty positive about that, but my OB didn't sound as pleased with the figure. I'm retesting on Saturday morning and I'll be seeing the doctor on Tuesday. Keep those prayers coming; they are appreciated more than you can know!