This is a short post because I'm feeling pretty rocky today and I haven't really improved as the day has progressed. I feel exhausted physically and wiped out emotionally.
I did speak with an OB nurse/midwife today and, as is typical for the health professionals that I've been dealing with lately, she wasn't all that concerned about my spotting or the fact that the two ultrasounds I had performed on Sunday evening couldn't find a baby in the gestational sac. I was told, again, that both of these things aren't all that uncommon this early in pregnancy. Pardon me if I find it something to be concerned about; it is my baby (or lack of baby) after all. She did, however, indicate that my hCG levels from Sunday night's testing are right where they would expect them to be at this point.
I guess the fact that I had been trying to conceive for 19-months and that I'm over 35 years of age doesn't warrant an immediate appointment with the doctor. My first appointment with an obstetrician is still scheduled for 12/27 (that's 19 days from today!) because apparently my concerns aren't a concern for anyone else who might move my appointment up a week or more.
I should mention that, based on their practice of dating pregnancy by date of last menstrual period, I will be considered 6-weeks pregnant tomorrow. I should also mention that I not only could see my son via ultrasound at that point, but we also heard his heartbeat. To say that I'm nervous about this pregnancy would be an understatement. I'm terrified.
What if I miscarried with all that spotting and I just don't realize it yet? What if a baby never does form in the gestational sac? What if the baby is there by now and there is a major problem that will result in a loss? I feel like I'm in constant prayer and I'm begging for this baby and pleading for it to be perfectly healthy.
I miss my husband. I want him here with me right now. I need him here. Tomorrow afternoon can't come soon enough. I hate that he had to leave me in this situation. Naturally, my son has been extra-clingy because he misses his father and the poor little guy is definitely picking up on my nervousness. You parents out there can probably figure out just how much rest I've been able to have in my husband's absence.
So that's it. There's my pity party post for the evening. Have any of you had a similar situation (empty gestational sac prior to 6-weeks gestation) that you're comfortable sharing? If so, please share the outcome. . .I just feel like I'm afraid to get too attached (tough to do when I already refer to the child by name) if a baby doesn't/hasn't formed and I'm looking for a little reassurance.