Friday, October 22, 2010

Is a Merkin Next??

I've held off on writing this for a long time, but I found a grey eyelash in the last week and it prompted me to actually create this post.  There's no time like the present, so here goes. . .

I grew the first grey hairs on my head when I was around 16 or so.  I didn't look like Emmylou Harris or anything, but I had a few here and there.  I did what any mortified teenager would do:  I plucked them out until I began to regularly color my hair.

I discovered a grey eyebrow hair a few years ago.  Though I immediately plucked out the offending hair, that miserable little grey thread really bummed me out.  I mean, it's no big deal if I begin to sport a crowning glory of silver hair on my head, but grey body hair. . . well, that's something totally different.  I've spent enough time on nude beaches to know what was coming next.

Several months ago, it may have been a year, I discovered it.  Something that I had been dreading.  Something even more disturbing to me than that one damned grey eyebrow hair. 

I found a grey pubic hair.

For my younger readers, pubic hair is what is naturally grown on your "mound" or around your "junk."  You may well wax it all off, thereby ripping it from your flesh, but it has existed nonetheless.  I give props to those of you who go this route as there is no way that I'll commit to keeping a shiny & pristine p*ssy and waxing makes me bleed like a mo-fo.  I'm not saying that I'm a Sascrotch or anything, but for hirsute folks like myself, we just try to manage our pubic area effectively while not causing injury to any visitors or ourselves.  A controlled chaos, if you will.

Grey pubic hair.  Oh man, what a load of crap.  How am I possibly old enough to have grey pubes?  And what am I supposed to do about it?  Shall I begin to color it?  It wouldn't be too big of a deal, I suppose.  After all, when I used to keep up my hair color, I always made sure the carpet matched the drapes.  Perhaps I should just shave it all off and present a pre-pubescent illusion?  Not that I have anything against a bald vulva, mind you, it's just that I'm a little weirded out by keeping it that way all the time.  Besides, I don't have all day to spend in the shower while I shave my snatch.  Maybe I should just pretend it doesn't exist and pluck it out whenever I find one.

So I have grown grey pubic hair.  Good fucking grief!  What's next?  Will I begin to lose my body hair?  Actually, all those days spent on nude beaches has prepared me for that inevitability. . .and that leads me back to the title of this post. 

Will I be sporting a merkin next?