This is a rare post where I hope that no one reading this can relate whatsoever. Don't worry; I'm just in a dark place right now. I know that I'll pop back up eventually and, in the meantime, I'm trying to fake it until I can make it.
At times in my life, I have felt like a dark shadow is smothering me. My anguish has taken the form of this dark shadow. Lightness and joy are blocked. It rolls in and out like waves and I'm drowning in it right now. I hope the tide turns soon.
I hate that darkness has returned to my life and brought horribly scary thoughts. I can't bring myself to say just what things I've been mulling over today. I keep trying to turn my mind to other things and it's hard because it feels like evil thoughts are being whispered directly in my ear.
I've been trying to put one foot in front of the other, but it was too hard to get up today. I had a nearly sleepless night and I battled a migraine for around eight hours. This darkness has been having its way with me for around 24-hours. I feel drained. I don't think anyone can possibly understand how I feel and that leaves me aching with loneliness.
My son is enrolled in a mommy & me pre-preschool that started today. I couldn't bring myself to go. Instead, I moped around the house. Uncharacteristically, I didn't even bother to get out of jammies until around noon. The weird thing is that I wasn't crying or anything, I simply didn't have the energy to do anything except what is required to care for my son.
I'm tired, but I can't sleep and I just lie on the bed while staring into space. I'm hungry, but I can't eat and all but the most sweet or salty foods taste like ashes on my tongue. I'm sad, but I can't cry and I often find myself shaking with silent sobs.
I'm flat, dull. I feel broken. I know that one day I'll feel like myself and I'll be restored. That day can't come soon enough.