Monday, September 27, 2010

Will I Be Banging Other Guys??

I usually would be like, "Ah, Hells Naw!" at the title of this post, but a couple of recent situations made me reconsider - and have a hearty laugh.  Of course, I am not an adulteress and this post is supposed to be funny.  Also realize that I rarely can do funny, so sorry if you think I suck.

My husband was rear-ended while I was in New Jersey for my brother's memorial service.  He was rear-ended while driving my car.  My relatively new car.  My not-totally-paid-for car.  {sigh}

He was rear-ended by a manager of sorts for a local Hyundai dealership.  The UNINSURED manager of sorts for a local Hyundai dealership.  The apparently very important UNINSURED manager of a local Hyundai dealership. 

I wasn't exactly happy to find out that my car would be unavailable for a week while it was being fixed.  But our local Hyundai dealership performed all the work gratis.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that I don't think it looked as awesome when I purchased the car.  I think that they even worked the clay compound to make that sheetmetal look like a smooth & clear lake.  I guess that UNINSURED manager was very important indeed!

I was cruising with my hubby the other day in my impossibly glassy and awesome ride and we were talking about my upcoming doctor appointment.  I'm not a fan of going to the doctor because I have a busy life and getting naked for a guy who I'm not going to screw isn't really high on my list of things to do.  My husband sees the same physician that I signed up to see and he said that I'd like the good doctor.  I begged to differ because, well, I don't tend to like kickin' it with doctors.  Simply put, I have better things to do and I'd imagine they do too.

"What's he like?"  I asked.

My husband gave some info about his experiences with the doctor and I thought that it sounded like the doctor was a bossy prick.  But then he said that our doctor's first name is Clapton.  Clapton! 

I might have mentioned in my previous blog that my first choice of name for my son was Clapton.  Yes, it is because of the awesome guitar rock god, Eric Clapton.  I was showering while pregnant and thinking about names that went well with my last name.  I came up with the name "Eric."  I ixnayed the name because it was so terribly close to my brother's name (Derek) and I thought that people might think that my son was my brother's son - and we're not from Arkansas, so there you go.  My apologies to any Arkansan readers, but surely you know the jokes made about your state. 

Anyway, I adore the name Clapton and I pretty much think that any guy named Clapton is going to end up with trim lined up around the block.  If he plays the guitar, the p*ssy will only be magnified.  So I naturally told my husband that I'd be banging our doctor if he strolled in with a guitar.

My husband gave me a crazy look and said, "I don't think he'll be walking in with a guitar." 

Well, in that case, I guess I won't be banging my doctor!

* * *

For the first time in a long time, I was watching SNL with my husband.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't SNL supposed to be funny?  Or have I finally reached the point that I'm just too old and out of touch to "get it?"

Anyway, they had Amy Poehlner in a sequence that briefly included JT.  Ordinarily when I reference JT I'd be talking about James Taylor, but in this case I'm talking about Justin Timberlake.  Justin Timberlake of N'Sync fame.  Justin Timberlake of super-awesome teeny-bopper lust.  Justin Timberlake of "wardrobe malfunction" notoriety. 

I looked at my husband and calmly remarked, "I'd f*ck that kid ten ways until Sunday."

I should add that it technically was Sunday.  But, um, yeah.  As if.


  1. Well never let it be said that your posts are predictable, hehe.

  2. I'll assume the vicar prefers Earl Grey? haha

    September 28, 2010 12:07 AM