Will I Be Banging Other Guys??

I usually would be like, "Ah, Hells Naw!" at the title of this post, but a couple of recent situations made me reconsider - and have a hearty laugh.  Of course, I am not an adulteress and this post is supposed to be funny.  Also realize that I rarely can do funny, so sorry if you think I suck.

My husband was rear-ended while I was in New Jersey for my brother's memorial service.  He was rear-ended while driving my car.  My relatively new car.  My not-totally-paid-for car.  {sigh}

He was rear-ended by a manager of sorts for a local Hyundai dealership.  The UNINSURED manager of sorts for a local Hyundai dealership.  The apparently very important UNINSURED manager of a local Hyundai dealership. 

I wasn't exactly happy to find out that my car would be unavailable for a week while it was being fixed.  But our local Hyundai dealership performed all the work gratis.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that I don't think it looked as awesome when I purchased the car.  I think that they even worked the clay compound to make that sheetmetal look like a smooth & clear lake.  I guess that UNINSURED manager was very important indeed!

I was cruising with my hubby the other day in my impossibly glassy and awesome ride and we were talking about my upcoming doctor appointment.  I'm not a fan of going to the doctor because I have a busy life and getting naked for a guy who I'm not going to screw isn't really high on my list of things to do.  My husband sees the same physician that I signed up to see and he said that I'd like the good doctor.  I begged to differ because, well, I don't tend to like kickin' it with doctors.  Simply put, I have better things to do and I'd imagine they do too.

"What's he like?"  I asked.

My husband gave some info about his experiences with the doctor and I thought that it sounded like the doctor was a bossy prick.  But then he said that our doctor's first name is Clapton.  Clapton! 

I might have mentioned in my previous blog that my first choice of name for my son was Clapton.  Yes, it is because of the awesome guitar rock god, Eric Clapton.  I was showering while pregnant and thinking about names that went well with my last name.  I came up with the name "Eric."  I ixnayed the name because it was so terribly close to my brother's name (Derek) and I thought that people might think that my son was my brother's son - and we're not from Arkansas, so there you go.  My apologies to any Arkansan readers, but surely you know the jokes made about your state. 

Anyway, I adore the name Clapton and I pretty much think that any guy named Clapton is going to end up with trim lined up around the block.  If he plays the guitar, the p*ssy will only be magnified.  So I naturally told my husband that I'd be banging our doctor if he strolled in with a guitar.

My husband gave me a crazy look and said, "I don't think he'll be walking in with a guitar." 

Well, in that case, I guess I won't be banging my doctor!

* * *

For the first time in a long time, I was watching SNL with my husband.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't SNL supposed to be funny?  Or have I finally reached the point that I'm just too old and out of touch to "get it?"

Anyway, they had Amy Poehlner in a sequence that briefly included JT.  Ordinarily when I reference JT I'd be talking about James Taylor, but in this case I'm talking about Justin Timberlake.  Justin Timberlake of N'Sync fame.  Justin Timberlake of super-awesome teeny-bopper lust.  Justin Timberlake of "wardrobe malfunction" notoriety. 

I looked at my husband and calmly remarked, "I'd f*ck that kid ten ways until Sunday."

I should add that it technically was Sunday.  But, um, yeah.  As if.