Tuesday, April 12, 2011

How's Your Cervix Hangin'?

Yeah, my fingers have been getting acquainted with my cervix this evening.  It's 9:30 at night; do you know where your cervix is?  I know where mine is and I know far more about it now that I ever hoped to know!

Why am I manually inspecting my cervix?  Why else?  It's a fertility thing.

If you've read my blog lately, you're probably aware that cervical fluid changes in a fairly predictable pattern throughout your cycle.  Did you know that your cervical position changes as well?  No?  Well, now you know!

I realize that the ladies are cringing at the notion of voluntarily poking around the cervix and, yes, it's not exactly a pleasant sensation.  Surely we've all experienced the unexpected jolt of pain while in the middle of enjoying a particularly vigorous romp in the sack?  Ah, nothing like the unmistakable feeling of a d*ck slamming into a brick wall. . .a brick wall which is actually a sensitive part of your body!  The upside to checking it myself is that I could be as gentle as necessary, but the downside is that even a light touch is somewhat uncomfortable.

I've been reluctant to check my cervical position because, well, I was afraid.  Of what?  I don't know. . .it's not like the Cervix Monster lurks within.  I just found the idea distasteful because it's so clinical.  I mean, this is one of the things that the doctor does during a pelvic exam and it's unsexy, awkward, and uncomfortable all the way around.  Also, I swear that sometimes their fingers ended up in my friggin' tonsils!  Geez, is it really necessary for them to go so deep?!

So what did I discover? 

Well, my cervix presents absolute proof that I've never vaginally delivered a child.  I must confess that I found my cute little cervical dimple to be irresistible to touch!  It was sooo clearly the opening and the rest of it is sooo definitely rounded.  Plus, the flesh itself is remarkably different than my vaginal walls.  I was pretty fascinated once I got up in there and felt around a bit.

I found that it's fairly easy to reach the cervix if you are squatting so deeply that your butt is almost totally down to the floor.  This was such an easier position than the doctor gets at it with; that is, you flat on your back and your legs in stirrups!  Once or twice I've thought that the doctor has gone wrist-deep to get to the damn thing. . .uh, not to be too graphic, but I could feel it with just my middle finger and no real digging around was necessary.

I realize that it sounds like I spent an hour fishing around up my love canal, but it only took a few seconds to get a feel for it.  Ha - get a feel for it!  I haven't been checking my cervical position so I can't say if I'll find it helpful in determining when I'm most fertile, but at least I'm not afraid of it and I'm very curious to discover how it changes as I get closer to ovulation. 

Of course, now that I'm ready to hit the progesterone suppositories five days after my LH surge, it would be my crappy luck to have this be an anovulatory cycle.  That is a cycle in which you do not ovulate; totally unfair, right?  If that's the case, I suppose I should get over my aversion to charting and start taking temps on the next cycle so I'll have all three bases loaded when it comes to tracking my fertility signs:  BBT, cervical fluid (+ OPK), and cervical position.

Do you check your cervix as one of the primary signs of fertility?  Any tips, advice, or funny stories to share?

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